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I Love My Husband But I’m Not Sexually Attracted to Him, What Should I Do?

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Every relationship has its ups and down, marriage is no exception. Years into the marriage, you will experience the down and feeling bored with it. You are either fell out of love with your husband or there are more things that caused it.

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At some point, you even realize you’re no longer attracted to him. However, you know you’re still love him, it’s just the sexual desire is not there. You are trapped in the “I love my husband but I’m not sexually attracted to him” situation.

Why don’t you feel the sexual desire anymore? How to deal with the situation? Find all of it in this article.

Why You Don’t Sexually Attracted to Him

Now that you feel not sexually attracted to your husband, you have to find out why first so you can work on it later.

  • You Never Attracted at the First Place

Let’s be real. Not everyone got married because of sexual attraction. Think about why you married him: the way he treats and respect you, his responsibility for the family, or your compatibility.

You don’t realize that you never been sexually attracted to him at the first place. He provide emotional wellbeing, nit physically. Also read Can You Have a Good Relationship without Physical Attraction

  • His Body Has Drastically Change

Sexual attraction strongly related to physical attraction. When his appearance doesn’t attract you, then it will be hard for you to be sexually attracted. Probably because he gains over 10 kg for the past years or he’s balding that make not as attracted as he used to be. He’s not the same sexy guy who made you fall in love.

  • He Hurt You and You Haven’t Get Over It

You lose your sexual attraction because you were hurt by something he has done or said. The way you see him has changed. Every time you look at him, all you see is the thing that hurt you. It’s like every little thing he does is flaw in your eyes. Also read How to Make Your Boyfriend Understand That He Hurt You

  • He Stopped Being Attracted to You First

Another possible reason is because he has lost his attraction to you first. When your husband is no longer interested to have sex with you, it’s impossible for you to have the desire.


How to Deal with It

I love my husband but I’m not sexually attracted to him. As you are husband and wife, you must fix this to make the marriage works.

  1. Do Thrilling and Exciting Activities Together

Pump your adrenaline so you can feel the rush for sex. There are many things to do and actually fun: skydiving, riding roller coaster, or even going to a rock concert will make you very excited.

Make this a habit for both of you. According to a study in America, doing thrilling and exciting things together with your partner increases sexual attraction to you both. Also read Spontaneous Things to Do with Your Boyfriend in the Summer

  1. Gaze Deeply Into His Eyes

Okay, this sound weird and awkward at some point, but it has scientifically proven that gazing deeply into someone else’s eyes increase your attraction to them. For married couple, rather than creepy, you should make it romantic. Do it at night before you go to bed. Not for too long, try for about two minutes at first.

  1. Remember What You Liked Most About Him

During the marriage, there must be times where your husband was at his best state. The day when you were married and he looked more handsome than ever, the first time he held your baby in his arms, or when he took you out for date without the kids.

Work your imagination to take only the good part of him and let go of all the bad feeling because he hurt you. Upon remembering it, you will realize that he’s more worthy than all the mistake. Also read Signs of Good Husband Material to Marry

  1. Let the Feeling Absorbed in You

I love my husband but I’m not sexually attracted to him. Why? Because you never truly absorbed the intimacy. The time when you and your husband get intimate, let go of everything: his looks, your hurt feeling, his mistake, etc. and focus only at the moment.

Enjoy the sensation when he touches you at the right places. Let yourself turned on and get carried away. Once you make it, the sexual attraction will appear once more.


  1. Go to a Couple Therapy

After doing your best and things doesn’t seem to get better, now you have to take it very seriously. Losing sexual attraction to your husband is not something to be underestimated. It may affect your marriage in a terrible way, causing infidelity, and even separation.

Before the worst thing happen, seek for help from the professional. Go to couple therapy together for a marriage counseling. It’s a good opportunity for you to discover the reason why you don’t feel attracted to your husband anymore.

Is it because of him or is it in you all along? Everything will be unveiled and you will find the way to solve it. Thus, you save your marriage. Also read Tips to Keep Your Man Happy in A Relationship

  1. Be Honest About Your Situation

To admit that you are not sexually attracted to your husband is one of the hardest thing ever. You would hurt him and you will be hurt as well. But honesty is all you need to solve this problem. You have to come clean about your feeling, so you can work together to find the best solution.

Whether it going to a couple counselling, trying to sort things out between you, or seeking help form professional, everything must be decided between you two. You can’t solve this problem alone. Remember that there are the two of you in the relationship. So you can make it work only when both of you putting efforts.

Losing sexual attraction to your husband is not the end of the relationship. It’s just a phase that you must to get through safely. The most important thing is to find out the cause, so you can either save the marriage or end it for good.

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