My Bisexual Crush Has A Girlfriend, What Should I Do?

by Michelle Devani

Having a bisexual crush is like having a usual crush, but with a twist. It sometimes can be complicated. First of all, not only you have to compete with one gender, you are competing with both at once.

One day you heard your crush finally has a girlfriend.  You feel broken hearted because it means you no longer had a chance to be with her. Do not be sad just yet, because here's what you can do:

1. Be supportive

The old adage of "As long as you're happy, I'm happy" is indeed true. You probably won't get your dream partner this time, but regardless you would still want her to be happy.

That is why you need to remain supportive of her relationship. Even if it's hurt, you'll be viewed as a good person in her eyes if, for example, you compliment how great they are as a couple. Here's what to say to your crush who has a girlfriend.

2. Congratulate

The next thing you can do is to congratulate her relationship. Especially if it's new or they just announced it to the world.

If she's been under the closet all this time with her bisexuality, it must take great courage for her to come out. So, as a sign of respect, you can congratulate her courage.

3. Try to be a good friend

Try to move her status from crush to a good friend. Maybe you both have many things in common, to begin with.

It might be hard because you can't stop thinking about how would it be to be her boyfriend. But you can still build a meaningful, long-lasting relationship with a friendship. If she's a Virgo woman, read how to be friends with a virgo woman.

4. Respect her choice

Depending on what culture you're from, there may be still a stigma being a bisexual. If you haven't heard about her orientation before, it might come as a surprise.

However, nothing you can do except respect her choice. Being non-judgmental is important. However, it might not be aligned with your value or beliefs.

5. Not ruining the relationship

If you are a competitive person, you might still want to attract her out of your ego. In another case, you justify your feelings. You feel like you deserve her regardless of her relationship status.

One advice for that, don't! There is no dignity being the third person in a relationship. Do not encourage her to cheat with you even if she shows signs a woman is interested in a man. Someday, you'll reap the karma.

6. Act casual

If this is the first time you hear about her bisexuality, you need to tone down your surprise. You also need to be calm because it turned out she is no longer single.

Remain casual and cool around her. Don't ever think to gossip or talking behind her back. If she finds out, you will fall on her favor.

7. Not stalking the girlfriend

It's quite common among us to stalk, especially since it's easy to do so on this age of social media. Now that you hear about the girlfriend, you might want to know who she is. What's so great about her that's she can snare your crush easily.

However, it's not advisable for you to do so. First, it will make you feel more awful than ever. It invokes jealousy. It creates bitter feelings. So it's better to stay away from the girlfriend's social media for the sake of your own mental health.

8. Let go and move on

There are plenty of fishes on the sea. This statement is no truer than ever. Even though it's hard to accept, this situation is a signal for you to move on. It's time to let go.

She shows signs she is no longer interested.  You might need some time to recover from the heartbreak. You can take some time alone, practicing self-care, and just be kind to yourself. Take as long as the time you need until you're ready to move on. 

9. Meet other potential date partners

After a period of grieving, you will forget completely your old flame and it's time to meet the new one.

It will take some times, but that's the fun of it. Meeting new people is always fun. Although the right one might not come right away, you will discover many interesting personalities.

10. Wait until some times

Some of us may be stubborn. Although we perfectly know that our crush is off limit, that doesn't deter us back from pursuing her. You probably think she's the one, and there's no one else like her on earth.

So you're willing to wait until she's single again. It's okay if that's what you what, but remind yourself this can turn into an unhealthy obsession.

The best middle ground is to look at the situation first. If you sense her relationship isn't going well, you can wait a bit until they broke up by themselves.

By then you can start making a move. However, if it looks like they're nothing but keep going strong, it just doesn't make sense to waste your energy obsessing over her.

Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.