Should I Tell My Husband I Cheated Before We Were Married?

by Michelle Devani

Did you cheat on your husband before you got married?

Are you considering telling him about it?

It’s a difficult decision, for sure. 

On one hand, it’s important to be honest within a marriage. On the other, the truth could cause more harm than good. 

Hopefully, the guide below will help you with this tricky personal dilemma. It features a list of reasons to come clean about this infidelity, and a list of reasons to keep it to yourself.

From there, you’re on your own. 

This online tool I recently discovered can help married couples discover the truth about what’s going on behind their back.

It’s an online communications tracker, which allows users to discover a wealth of data surrounding other people’s digital conversations.

To get started, you just need to enter a small handful of details about this other person. 

Once you do that, the tool will reveal who they are calling and texting the most. It will also show what online services and contact details they are using. 

Those are just the highlights! The level of information revealed really is mind-blowing! And 100% discretion is guaranteed. 

If you think this tool will help add some extra trust and security to your marriage, you can click here to download the tool. Anyway, here’s my list of pros and cons to help you decide whether honestly is really the best policy when it comes to previous infidelity.

Reasons To Tell Your Husband You Cheated Before

A marriage doesn’t feel good if you’re overcome with a lot of guilt for something that you’ve done to your husband. That something is the fact that you cheated on him before you were married. Now you’re weighing out the pros and the cons of telling him the truth. There’s a lot to gain but there’s also a lot to lose. These reasons to tell or not to tell will help you make the right decision.

Cheating is awful but here are some reasons why coming clean about it might be a good thing.

1. Get Rid Of A Burden

get rid of a burden

Keeping a secret in a marriage can torture you, especially if it’s about you cheating on your husband before you got married. To lift off that burden, you should consider telling your husband the truth. This may seem a little selfish as it focuses on your feelings more than on his. But, try to be genuinely sorry for what you’ve done. Tell your husband that you deeply regret it and you are willing to work on the Ways to Make a Relationship Work after Cheating.

2. Honesty In Marriage

A marriage is vulnerable when someone is being dishonest. If you love your husband and want to save the marriage then tell him that you cheated. Though this may break his heart, at least you are being honest. He may feel hurt and distance himself from you. Give him the time that he needs to process it. In the end, he may consider your honesty and forgive you.

3. He’s Not The Jealous Type

Some men tend to be the jealous type. A husband may hate it when his wife is close to other men. He doesn't even like the idea of talking about the exes which can be seen through the some hints that he's jealous. But if your husband is not easily jealous then it’ll be easier for you to talk to him. He could even be understanding and still love you despite the cheating.

4. He Is A Calm Person

Make sure that you know that your husband is calm and patient. A cool headed person is good at dealing with unexpected news. He will listen to what you have to say. Be communicative and open with your mistake. Don't act as if you really want him to pity you. Own up to your mistake.

5. He Deserves To Know The Truth

he deserves to know the truth

Should I tell my husband I cheated before we were married? Yes you should because he deserves to know about it. If you know that your husband loves you very much, appreciate that love by being honest. Trust him enough to accept your flawed action. Tell him about the cheating along with these Sweet Things to Say to Your Husband.

6. Lessen Problems

Telling the truth can reduce problems in the marriage. They could either be present or future problems that may come up. Even the smallest problem in a marriage should not be taken lightly. It can turn into a huge one and ruin the marriage that you’ve worked on for so long. Eliminate the potential problems by being honest to your husband. It's better that your husband knows about the cheating from you rather than from someone else. 

Reasons To Keep It To Yourself

Though the truth might set you free, consider these reasons why it should just be something that your husband should not know.

1. It’s In The Past

The cheating happened a long time ago, even before you got married to your husband. Yes it was a mistake but it’s in the past now. You are living in the present with your husband and plan to do so until death tears you apart. Forget about the cheating and leave your mistake behind you. Enjoy your marriage and be happy with your husband. What he doesn’t know will not hurt him.

2. The Person Is Someone Close

If you cheated with someone who still has a very close relationship with your husband, like a friend or a family member, then it’s better to be silent. You will break his trust forever. Also, you will be causing a serious problem to his friendship or family bond. Your husband is better off not knowing. Make sure that the person you cheated with will never tell your husband about it too and know Ways to Forget Your Affair Partner as well.

3. You Have A History Of Cheating

Again and again, the question ‘should I tell my husband I cheated before we were married?’ replays in your mind. If you have a long history of cheating then you should forget about it. Once your husband finds out the truth, he’ll doubt your loyalty. He will also wonder if you’ll ever change. Your husband will feel uneasy in the marriage as he is afraid that you might repeat it again. 

4. Your Husband Is Sensitive

your husband is sensitive

Another reason not to tell your husband is if he is a sensitive soul. Though you love him very much and want to tell him the truth, hold back from doing so. You may cause more damage to his feelings than you can ever imagine. As a sensitive person, your husband may even blame himself for not being good enough for you.

5. Causing Arguments

If you dislike any sorts of arguments or fights in the marriage, don’t bring up the cheating at all. There isn’t a single guaranteed outcome from telling the truth. There’s a huge chance that you will argue with your husband. He might end up showing Signs Your Husband Doesn't Care about You Anymore and ask for a divorce. So to avoid that, you should just keep it to yourself.

6. The Timing Isn’t Right

Be considerate with your timing if you’re planning to tell the truth. If he’s not in a good condition or your marriage is going through a rough patch then don’t tell him. Wait until everything feels right. Use that time to rethink about your decision. You may change your mind and want to keep the cheating as a secret forever.

Conclusion

Only you can make the decision for yourself as you know your husband best. What you choose will affect your marriage so make sure to think this through wisely.

Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.