How Long Should I Wait to Contact My Ex After a Breakup? Find the Answer

by Michelle Devani

How long should I wait to contact my ex after a breakup? That is a question often ask by people who are just going through a breakup. Whether it’s because you want to reconcile aka getting back together or simply doesn’t want to be in a bad terms with your ex. Either way, picking the right time to contact your ex again is essential.

You may one of those people who purposely contact your ex after a breakup because you want to make them jealous, creating unnecessary drama, or don’t want to be forgotten by your ex.

Contacting your ex again with any purpose means you are re-inserting yourself back to their life. Which can either be good or bad for you.

So if you ask how long should I wait to contact my ex after a breakup, there are no certain answer. Romance is not math where all the answer is absolute. It’s more like Einstein’s relativity. Everything about romance, relationship, and breakup is uncertain. Also read Reasons Not to Text Your Ex Right After a Breakup

However, there are indeed certain condition/situation where it’s safe to contact your ex again. You may contact your ex again if…

  1. You Had a Friendly Breakup

Not all breakup is nasty and leave both parties in a really bad situations. In fact, breakup can be as peaceful as you want it to be. You didn’t fight during the breakup, you respected each other’s decision, and you never talk bad behind their bad. If you had that kind of breakup, you are very lucky.

Peaceful breakup is pretty rare.

If you separated on mutual will, occasionally reaching out to each other create a positive atmosphere for your friendship. Upon seeing your name pop up on their phone screen, they will smile. You also feel good when you see them. Also read What to Do When Your Ex Calls You After No Contact

Even though when you text each other on special moment like birthday, you’re equally happy as you get wish from your friends.

On the other side, if your breakup was rough, it’s better to take time. In some case, disappearing from their life for goods is the best solution. Read the situation before you decide whether to contact her again or not.

  1. You Purely Want to Make Friend

What do you think when your ex contact you again? Do they want to get back again? Is it possible that they still have feelings for me? Or they just want to revenge on me? You can’t blame them.

If you want to contact them again so that you can show off your fabricated happy life to them, then don’t. Unless you have a pure intention to make friend with them, staying away seems better for you. Also read Reasons Why Your Ex Boyfriend Wants to be Friends

Not only taking revenge and all that bad things make everything worse, but you have to know that karma does exist. You will have to pay all the evil things you do to your ex right now.

But if you really want peace and be friends with them (especially when you were friends before cupid came), make sure your ex is aware of it. Also, make friends only when they want to be friend with you as well.

Before putting this act, the first point is important. It’s only possible to make friend with your ex if you are in a good terms after the breakup. Which is only possible if you ended things well.

They might not respond to you – which could means they don’t want to be friendly – and you have to be okay with that. That way you will realize that you purely want to be their friend. Also read How to Tell Your Ex Boyfriend You Just Want to be Friends

  1. You Know the Boundaries

There have to be differences between a lover and a friend. If it’s necessary, write down all the dos and don’ts so you can check it from time to time, whether you are crossing the line or not. It may seems nothing to you, but it can be a false alarm to your ex. They might think you are sending signals for a reconciliation.

If you are not sure about this yet, you better stay no contact with your ex.

Why Should You Wait Before Reaching Out to Them?

While you ask about how long should I wait to contact my ex after a breakup, there is a thing you must underline: give space between the breakup and reaching out to them again. No matter how friendly your breakup was, contacting your ex one day after breakup is wrong.

Not only about them, but you have to settle down as well. First you have to let them go of your heart and secondly you have to realize that everything will not be the same again. If you contact them right away, you might forget you are not together anymore and it could lead to confusion. Also read Should I Contact My Ex Girlfriend After She Broke Up With Me

Contacting ex too soon after the breakup would bring no benefit to both of you. Make sure you have moved on completely before you start reaching out to the again.

In case you are not sure when to contact them again, ask yourself whether you are ready. Are you ready if they don’t respond? Are you ready to accept them in your life again with different roles?

Shifting from a lover to a friend requires time. It’s impossible you can get rid all your feeling right after the breakup unless you were being insincere the whole time.

Breakup is hard, dealing with the pain after breakup is even harder. During those period, you will think that contacting your ex again will fix everything, but it’s not. Time will heal you. All you need to do is bear with it and be patient.

Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.