How to Tell Your Mom and Family You are Transgender

Last updated on May 5, 2024 by Michelle Devani

You can't judge people by how they choose to live their life nor what decisions they make in life. However, if you make an "unusual" or uncommon" choice, you will be having a hard time sharing it with your mom and your family. Among everyone, they should be the one you tell about since family is the biggest support system for everyone.

It's also applied when you decide to be a transgender. But how to tell your mom and family you are transgender?

No matter how much you think about it, there seems to be no right ways to tell it. But you have to tell them no matter what. This coming out process is different fro everyone, since every family has it's one characteristic. It can be scary, horrible, difficult, but liberating and exciting at the same time. The coming out process is always the hardest part.

How to Tell Your Mom and Family You are Transgender

When you tell your family that you are a trans, it means you are ready to embrace your new identity as a whole. No more hiding, no more pretending. You are asking them to refer you the way you want to be (she/her or he/his/him). You can also make your new name and ask them to treat you according to the gender you choose.

But before you tell others, you have to make peace with yourself first. Coming out is very difficult since you are going into transitions in every aspect of your life. The reaction your family and other people give maybe unexpected and hurting you in many ways. That it why you should be prepared for the words.

Remember that there are no right way on how to tell your mom and family you are transgender. People react to things differently but you shouldn't be shaken by that. Everything won't be easy but you have to free yourself at least.

1. Think About It Carefully

After you decide that you will come out to your mom and your family, you have to think carefully about how will you tell them, when will you say it, and where. Only do this when you have prepared mentally for the worst that may happen. Studying the personality of your family and how they react to such things will help. Take time as much as you need. See also How to Get A Gay Guy to Like You If You're A Girl

2. Figure Out About Who You Want to Talk First

Among your family, there must be someone to whom you find as the most comfortable person. You are sure that they will be supportive of you. Go and talk to that person first. If it's not your mom, it could be your grandmother, your aunt, or your sibling. It's very good as a start, to get a sense of friendly response upon your confession.

3. Be Prepared for Tons of Question

Never think that they will keep their mouth shut after you tell them that you are a transgender. You can't expect this as well. There must be tons of question swarming around their head and be prepared with the answers. They might ask why, how, and since when. Instead of being defensive, open up to them so that they could understand your situation. Present the best answer for them. See also Signs of a Guy Being Gay

4. Do a Prior Research

Be anticipated with all questions that may popped up by your family members. As they can be unexpected and throwing out ridiculous questions, you can prepare yourself by doing some research about transgender. Know all the trivial facts to share to them and many informative things to answer their questions.

5. You Can Write to Them

While some people are so open and capable to talk freely, many are just too shy to talk in person. Nothing is wrong with that. If you are more comfortable by writing letters or sending emails, you can do it as your way of coming out. You are the subject in this so do everything that make you comfortable. You don't need to push yourself into doing things that you don't like. See also Signs Your Boyfriend is Gay for His Best Friend

6. Give Them Time to Absorb the News

Don't expect a quickie respons from your mom and your family after your coming our confession. They will need time to absorb the news and recover from their shock. How you tell your mom and family you are transgender will affects their shock and response. That is why you have carefully think about it. Give them their time as long as they need. See also Signs That Someone is In Love With You Secretly

7. Be Understanding of Them

Not all of them will give a negative response, but there will some awkwardness between you and your family. Even though they say they are supportive toward your decisions, they still need time to get comfortable around the new you. So when they make mistake in calling or referring you, be understanding. Time will sort out everything.

8. Throw Out All the Negativity

It's only normal for you to have a negative presumption that everyone will react badly about you. But try your best to throw out those negativity. There are people who deny and reject you, but there are also people who genuinely care about you and accept you openly. It's the reason why you have to tell the person you're comfortable with and trusted first. See also Signs That Your Friend is Jealous Of Your Relationship

9. Find Support from the Community

In some countries and cultures, transgender is viewed as something negative and hard to be accepted. But hiding behind someone else's identity and concealing your true self is slowly killing you from the inside. If this is the case with you, find support to know that you are not alone.

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Being a transgender is not a popular decisions. But if it's who you really are, you don't have to deny it and trying to live the way you don't want your life to be. It doesn't come easy but the liberation and freedom you will feel in the end really worth it. Be prepared with the worst consequences though.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.
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