Signs Of A Guy Being Gay (13 Not-so-Obvious Signs)

Last updated on February 13, 2024 by Michelle Devani

Humans have enough issues without adding sexual identity conflict to the mix. It’s a liberated world out here these days, and the list of new sexual identity terms keeps getting longer.

Anyone can choose to identify with any sexual orientation of their choice. 

Even if it makes you uncomfortable, it is their life. Anyone can do what makes them happy as long as it doesn’t harm the next person. 

Society doesn’t help much by trying to force stereotypes down people’s throats. This is why many people resort to secrecy when it comes to picking a sexual orientation

Contents

13 Signs Your Partner Is Gay

You’ll discover that many men have closet gay people from teenagehood. They had to hide their identity because most people see it as a taboo, a dirty thing. 

Some make it look like gay men are lesser men. Some men see no choice but to enter marriage with a straight woman while pretending to be straight too.

If people, especially men are allowed to be honest, there will be no confusion about who is a gay guy or who is a straight man. There will be no need to watch out for red flags from a supposed straight man acting like he might be gay. 

It is weird how lesbianism has become so accepted, but people still turn up their noses at gay men. The LGBTQ community sure still has a lot of fights to win, but individuals need to do better in the meantime. 

Is your husband gay, but you aren’t sure because he wouldn’t confirm it? Does your boyfriend display signs that he might be gay, but won’t talk about it? Have you observed some interesting facts about your husband or boyfriend during sex, but can’t talk to him about it? 

Read this article to the end to know the signals of a gay partner.

1. He is oblivious to another woman’s flirtation

One sign that might give him away that he is gay is that he doesn’t seem to notice when girls flirt with him. He appears oblivious to outright seduction from a woman but seems more comfortable around a guy friend. When he even notices a girl trying to get his attention, he might change the topic or completely ignore her.

Before you start dancing in victory that you have the most loyal husband or boyfriend, this could be an obvious sign that he is gay. You might want to observe this attitude overtime before concluding that he is gay, especially if there is a marriage vow between both of you. If he shows a consistent pattern of ignoring or being oblivious to women, he is most likely gay.

Note that there are other reasons why he doesn’t pay other girls any attention. You might truly be in the best relationship, and he is only interested in you.

2. He is antagonistic towards most girls

he is antagonistic towards most girls

Straight or bisexual hot guys are normally unhesitant about approaching the opposite sex they like. They are certainly eager to enter a relationship with girls they are deeply attracted to. Straight guys with no interest in a girl can’t help but admire her if they like what they see.

However, a guy acting antagonistically towards a woman he doesn’t know can ring a warning bell in your ears. There might be a different reason why he doesn’t like one woman, but not liking multiple women? That is a huge red flag you cannot ignore, especially if you’re attracted to the guy. 

If you are his wife, you might easily think he’s only being faithful to the marriage. If he is indeed gay, your marriage wouldn’t fail because he cheats with women. Your marriage will crumble because he likes other gay men.

3. You catch him drooling after men

If the man is someone you’re still admiring and there’s no history between you yet, it is easier to spot any sign that he is gay. Once you’ve become so involved with him, you might start seeing the reality through rose-tinted glasses. So, before you fall head over heels for this male friend, be sure he is as straight as you like them.

How does he act when a hot gay man walks past? Does he helplessly drool after him and tries to cover up his slipup immediately. Does he look at the other gay man from beneath his lashes while pretending to sip his piña colada? 

Of course, men can also admire the same sex or opposite sex. However, if you observe him looking at other men with desire in his eyes multiple times, he is gay or bisexual

4. His sexual inclinations become obvious when he’s drunk

A man's guard is down when he is into his cups (drunk). In his intoxicated state, a man can reveal his sexual inclinations by flirting openly with a guy, dancing with the same sex, or even declaring his likeness for another guy. If he is just a bit drunk, he might try to still maintain control. The moment he is completely inebriated, he lets loose.

Observe him in his drunken state to know if he is into guys or girls, or if he’s bisexual. No matter how much he hides his sexual interests while sober, he will be more open when he’s drunk. 

5. He is faking his macho attitude

Men who feel they would be emasculated if they come out of their closet do so because of the way people treat gays. Such men tend to overcompensate for their perceived lack of masculinity. As such, they force things that should happen naturally.

The only way closest gays like that can function is to pretend to like a woman, enter a relationship with her, even make her his wife. Such a man forces himself to have sex he doesn’t enjoy with women. He becomes a father to kids he loves but with a woman, he has no romantic feelings for. He cannot talk about how he’s feeling because he’s afraid of ridicule and rejection.

Some of such men approach everything in their relationship with aggressiveness. The sex is only always rough and quick. No tender holding or affection after sex because everything feels wrong.

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6. He is intentionally homophobic

he is intentionally homophobic

Another defense mechanism that closet gays use is to be deliberately homophobic. They cannot deal with the censure or disgust they know they will see on the faces of their family and friends. So, they act like they hate the whole LGBTQ culture. They will crack homophobic jokes just to conform with their homophobic acquaintances.

If your boyfriend or a guy you like is always doing this, check him properly. Do his words contradict his actions when he’s around an attractive man? Does he turn homophobic only around a specific group of people? Does he act homophobic only when he’s among his religious friends? Your observations might lead to the discovery that he is gay.

7. He doesn’t find homophobic jokes funny

The last thing a gay can tolerate is homophobic jokes. It is a slur they cannot abide by, so they become extremely reactive when someone ridicules gay persons. If this guy has been pretending to be straight, he can become defensive when you joke about him being gay. 

If you like and want to date him, carefully make a dig at him about him being gay to see how he will react. If he has learned to cover his sexuality so well, he will laugh at your comment. If he is still sensitive about his inability to come out, he will probably walk out on you. 

He knows a confrontation might make him blurt out the truth, so he takes the easy way out by leaving you to guess the truth.

8. He mostly watches gay porn

You cannot decide a man’s sexual orientation based on his sexuality only. What a man likes to do during sex isn’t enough to judge his sexuality. Yes, he like anal stimulation, but it could be because rubbing his prostate brings him intense pleasure. 

Yes, he likes gay porn. Again, he could just like the guy on guy view just as lesbian porn turns you on. On the flip side, he could actually like gay porn because he is living vicariously through male porn stars. This could be the final thing that tells you that he is gay, not the major factor.

9. He is the effeminate partner in relationships

Closet gays can sometimes hide their identity when it comes to relationships and sex, but not about some things. If his past sexual experiences showed him as being always the submissive partner, take it as a hint. Again, note that this might just be his sexual preference. 

If he is unusually close to a particular man and they share the same bed occasionally, you should be suspicious. Most straight guys detest sharing a bed with other men. So, when a guy willingly shares his bed with another guy, there might be something romantic going on between them. 

10. He confirms that he is gay

he confirms that he is gay

When a guy (your boyfriend or husband) tells you jokingly or point-blank that he is gay, yet you don’t believe him. You cannot reconcile the same man you’ve been sleeping with being interested in other men. So, you continue to pretend that he is who he is not. It can be hard to accept that someone you’re attracted to likes only the same sex.

If he has been in the closet for the longest time, he will expect that you’ll understand and accept him after you get over your shock. However, it is best if you accept the truth soonest and stop reveling in your ignorance. 

If you forced him to admit it, your connection might not be the same. If you make sure to ask him after he’s become comfortable with you, the truth will be easier to bear.

11. He disappears occasionally

If you are unaware of where he goes on the weekends, that might be the signal you’ve been looking for. If he’s always hanging out with the same guy who is not his best friend, it should alert you that something is fishy. If both of you are dating or married, it doesn’t make sense for him to disappear with a guy, whether you know the guy or not. 

You should be able to pop up unexpectedly in their man cave, but you have no idea where that is. Again, it could just be two men trying to get away from their women to enjoy boy’s time. So be sure to have all your facts right before you accuse him of cheating on you with a man. If he is straight, he is not going to take your accusation lightly.

12. His social media contacts are mostly (gay) men

When straight people set up their social media or dating app profile, they select the opposite sex. They proceed to add mostly contacts of the opposite sex too. When a man mostly has men on his social media contacts, it is a red flag. When most of the men are gay, it can be additional proof that the guy is interested in men.

On the other hand, it can be a coincidence or he is a devoted frat boy. It’s just that the chances of that being the case are very slim.

13. He seems shy around the same sex

The attraction between two people can happen in different ways, but it produces mostly the same reactions. When a woman is around a man she likes, she can get shy. Similarly, when a guy (most likely a shy one) gets attention from a guy he’s attracted to, he will act shy or blush.

If the guy is naturally shy, blushing, or acting embarrassed by a compliment or physical contact from another guy can be a knee-jerk reaction. Other factors independent of this one should give you an idea of whether he is gay or not.

In Conclusion

It can hurt your feelings to discover that your partner or somebody you like is gay and he didn’t tell you. You’re most likely hurt, not because you’re disgusted by his sexual inclinations, but because you were ignorant of them before falling for him. Instead of pretending the red flags aren’t there, open your eyes and admit he can never like you the same way.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.

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