5 Annoying Things Not to Say to A Military Girlfriend

Last updated on April 10, 2024 by Michelle Devani

Do you have a friend whose boyfriend has just gone back home from a 10-week or more basic training? Or do you have a friend whose boyfriend is currently busy with Advanced Individual Training (AIT)?

If yes, you must have been doing some reality check that is bound to come along with having a friend in a military relationship which is quite difficult because there are things she should know before dating someone in the military.

Somewhere along the way, there would be a lot of friends and family who tried their best to console her which she could not thank them enough for the never-ending support. However, take note that there would be several comments that were initially meant to comfort her but came out as disrespectful, irritating, and even quite awkward instead.

In this case, you would not want to fall on her bad side by adding a similar comment to the list. Here are 5 things not to say to a military girlfriend.

  1. “Why did your boyfriend choose to live this way?”

Never ask such question to military girlfriend. What her boyfriend chose, first and foremost, was to spend a good portion of his life as a service member, to serve their country, and it should not be questioned.

Her boyfriend already chose willingly the choice to sign up for duty. He already signed up to protect and fight for their country. Next time, thank God for making you worthy to stand next to a girl whose boyfriend is fighting for the freedom rather than delivering a blanket statement about life choices.

  1. “I cannot imagine how you survive it.”

Maybe your statement is intended to be an endearing compliment, but much to your dismay, it can come off slightly disrespectful. It is not like a military girlfriend has been dreaming her whole life to be packed with nervousness day in and day out or to be fanatically attached to the safety of her boyfriend in the camp.

Always remember that a military girlfriend is no different than a regular girlfriend and is no more completed to handle the struggle of military life than anyone else. She has just gained the strength to make the required sacrifices to live a decent life.

You can say, “Thank you for your hard work,” or “I really appreciate everything you have done by now,” as a better alternative. 

  1. It is okay. I know exactly how you feel.”

The fact is, no, you actually do not. It gets even worse if you happen to say, “My partner is busy with their works all the time and so am I that we can barely see each other. So, I understand how you feel,” or “I am in a long-distance relationship so I understand very well how you feel."

You have every right to have similar senses of loneliness and missing someone. However, missing someone that is gone for military service which takes half a year, give or take, is a lot harder than missing someone for a couple of weeks that saying cute things to say you miss your boyfriend may not suffice.

Everyone’s situation is different and you do not know how it feels to be in her shoes. So, never try to relate to her in this situation. A military girlfriend knows all too well the things to know before dating or marrying a military man.

  1. “Do not worry about him cheating on you since there are no pretty women in the camp.”

Never ever say such a thing to a military girlfriend or any person in a committed relationship because if she thought her boyfriend had intentions of cheating on her, why would she stay in the relationship? Should she give him another chance if she knew he is cheating?  So, never say this by any means unless you want to get an evil side eye in return.

This line should not be directed towards women in service either because it is downright disrespectful. The women joined the service are currently helping fight for your rights as a human being and there are their lives on the line, so it is all wrong to say they are not pretty.

Moreover, women are all equally beautiful and unique in their own ways and honestly not too many women can go a few months without makeup, skin care, shaving, jewelry, et cetera for basic training. That is why military women deserve recognition for everything they are working and training for. If you are interested in military women, consider ways to talk to your girlfriend about joining the military.

  1. “You must have been used to it by now.”

Fact is there are some things that you will never ever get used to even if they have been going for quite a while. There are some things that just do not get easier and will not go any faster.

A military girlfriend will surely learn coping mechanism, any partner who is dealt with a couple of deployments will say it gets harder with time.

So, those are 5 things not to say to a military girlfriend whether your initial intention is good or not.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.
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