Can You Love Someone But Not Sexually Attracted by Them? Find the Answer!

by Michelle Devani

Talking about love while neglecting sex is like eating without a dessert. Yes, it’s not necessary but it makes things sweeter. Can you love someone but not sexually attracted to them? Well, firstly, it’s almost impossible. Not saying it’s completely is.

However, it’s hard to love someone but not attracted to them sexually. Either of the two must be coming along first, whether you sexually attracted to them first or falling in love first and sexual attraction follows. Like it has said above, sex is the dessert of love.

Now we’re going to talk about an interesting thing: the question that popped up earlier about whether you can love someone without sexual attraction or not. Let’s get through every details to make you understand. But we won’t give any absolute answers because everyone have their own thoughts and opinion.

  1. Sexual Attraction is Necessary

You may say that sex is not everything in a relationship, but it’s not something to be ignored either. You need to be compatible in everything with your partner to make things work, one of them being sex. Going through an amazing sex adventure affect your relationship directly.

In fact, many people fall in love through physical attraction, which is close to sexual attraction. Thus, sexual attraction may not be the most important thing, but it’s necessary. Also read Characteristic of A Healthy and An Unhealthy Relationship

  1. It Could Grow Over Time

Not anyone feel the sexual spark right at the first time. It’s fine, though. It doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel sexual attraction to your partner. You always have the potential to grow it over time. For some people, they need to be connected by the heart and soul first, while everything will be following suit.

The more you close to each other, the intimate you will get. The sexual chemistry closely follows after.

  1. Try to Grow the Spark

Uncertainty is the only certainty there is. So there’s no uncertainty that you will eventually grow sexual attraction to your partner. If you don’t, try to grow it. Sexual attraction is not something to take for granted. Make it work by putting on some efforts.

You can try to create an intimate feeling with them to see whether you can be sexually attracted to them or not. If you haven’t try this before, then do. You might be surprised yourself by the result. Start lightly from a romantic dinner to steamy bathing scene. Also read Signs A Woman Is Attracted to You Sexually

  1. Foresee the Attraction During the Dates

You always know whether you are connected to other person or not, in any way possible. Say it physically, psychologically, and sexually. When will it happen? During the initial meeting. But sexual attraction often falls behind, as many people attracted to physical appearance and the beauty of mind first.

When you already know you’re not sexually attracted to them from the first time, you should make it work when you date later. So, can you love someone but not sexually attracted to them? Nobody can really answer.

  1. Sex is the Complement of Love

Don’t be skeptical towards sex. In fact, you may love someone without sexually attracted but to date them is another thing. Dating is almost impossible without sex. In a relationship, there will come time where you lose interest to your partner, and sex is not of the best way to make it up.

If you don’t have sex as your back up, it’s going to be really hard for you. Also read Differences Between Relationships in Your 20s and 30s 

  1. Starting a Relationship without Sexual Attraction is Risky

When you fall in love to someone but you’re not attracted to them sexually, you better ask yourself a good question before you decide whether you want to date them or not: why don’t you feel it. It’s important to find out whether it’s because of you or them.

Are they not good looking enough? Or is there another reason? If you can’t find the answer nor you can be sexually attracted to them, don’t take risk by dating them.

  1. You Probably Still Hasn’t Move On from Your Ex

Well, this one is good, Can you love someone but not sexually attracted to them? Why don’t you feel sexual attraction? Maybe because you haven’t move on yet from your ex. Probably you were too sexually attracted to them that you set them as your standard.

Loving someone while carrying emotional baggage from the past is not good for the future relationship. Also read Signs You are Ready for a New Relationship

  1. Love and Sex Should Stand Side by Side

Sex is the stabilizer of love. They keep each other in balance. You can have a good sex with love, your love will be complete with sex. Both of them should stand side by side. Sex may not be the main course, but it’s the dessert. You don’t need dessert every time you eat, but you’re always happy to have it.

  1. For Some People, Some Things Matter More Than Sex

Sparks and chemistry last no longer than love and compatibility. That’s why some people put those things over love and they’re not wrong at all. When you’re older, sex won’t be as important anymore.

The most passionate relationship is the one that you find most compatible with your partner. However, sexual attraction matters when you’re young. It makes you more compatible with each other. Also read Signs That He is Falling Out of Love With You

  1. Everything Depends On Mutual Compromise

So, can you love someone but not sexually attracted to them? It all comes down to the compromise. How would you accept that? Are your partner okay with that? Are you okay with that? You’re the only one who holds the answer. See how you’re okay by dating without sex. If you’re both don’t mind, then why not giving it a shot?

Well, everyone has their own unique character. We could never define what is right and what is wrong. While others say it’s impossible to have love without sex, you can be otherwise. Just focus on yourself and define what you want from your relationship. Even if you start things without sexual attraction, you should try to grow it over time.

Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.