How Can I Become Sexually Attracted To My Boyfriend Again?

Last updated on April 8, 2024 by Michelle Devani

People start dating for many reasons. For example, you me a guy through a mutual friend one day and from the initial meeting you feel yourself “clicked” with him. Turned out you share many things in common, have similar interest, and always have fun talking with each other.

Your relationship progress from then on and it didn’t take long for both of you start dating. You didn’t feel the need to consider before officially going out with him since what else better than dating a guy who’s like your best friend?

Only later you find out that some guys are only meant to be good friends, not a good lover. After dating for some time, you’re unable to get sexually attracted to him. Not that you’re not happy with him, you just never feel the lust to heat things up on bed.

You need to find the answer on how can I become sexually attracted to my boyfriend? Here are some useful tips only for you.


1. Find The Problem Within Yourself

It’s always better to look into yourself before you search outside. If you’re not sexually attracted to your boyfriend, are you to anyone else? Is it only to your boyfriend or you feel the same to any other guy?

If you never feel any sexual attraction, look up for your condition. Are you in a certain medication? Because medication for disorders like depression, anxiety, and stress, have a side effects of putting rest all the sex desire.

Also read: Why Does My Boyfriend Don't Want to Sleep with Me Anymore?

2. Ask Whether You Are Disappointed By Him

ask whether you are disappointed by him

Only you know this answer. Chances are, you don’t even realize it yourself. Ask yourself and try to remember whether he had done something resentful to you. Infidelity, for example. If you still unable to find the answer, go visit a counselor.

They’ll help you remember all the past events involving the fight between you and your boyfriend as well as the causes of it. If he had ever hurt you, it affects the way you see him right now.

3. Consider The Possibility That You’re Still Attracted To Your Ex

Well, nothing is impossible so you must consider this one. Have you ever done sex with your boyfriend and now you lose those sexual attraction? If the answer is yes and it’s because he’s not that good on bed, then you have to ask yourself who is the “good” standard for you?

Your ex could be sooo good in having sex that you hardly forget about it. Now that you date someone who’s not as good as him, you don’t want to make out with him anymore. You can fix this by completely erasing your ex from your life so you drive your full attention to your current boyfriend.

Also read: Ways to Forget Your Ex

4. Why You Chose Him At The First Place

The fact that you don’t have sexual chemistry to your boyfriend means something’s wrong, either in you or him. Ask yourself why did you chose to date him? Was it because you really fall for him or you just want to take revenge to an ex who cheated on you?

If the latter is your answer, then you shouldn’t wonder why aren’t you sexually attracted to him. It’s clear that you’re not attracted to him in any way.

5. Have A Sex Talk

have a sex talk

For a relationship to work, it requires the effort from both of you. You can’t make it hot on the bed probably because he missed your sign. It’s important for you to be able to define what do you like and what you don’t regarding sex.

Share things like how to turn you on and what makes the biggest turnoff for you. Receive feedback from his as well so you can make your sex life better.

Also read: Signs of An Unhealthy Relationship with Boyfriend

6. Be Honest To Him

Losing sexual attraction to your partner is not something to be underestimated. Have an honest conversation to talk about this matter. You really need to find out where things go wrong.

Make the talk open, in a good mood, and avoid talk about it inside the bedroom. Actually you’ll have plenty of time to talk about this. Work things out together until you reach a win-win solution.

7. Review Your Expectation

In a relationship, you expect certain things from your partner. And when he doesn’t meet your expectation, there will be a huge disappointment in your heart which lead into your perspective of him.

Also read: How to Make A Boring Relationship Fun Again

As he has disappointed you in one thing, you have this prejudice that he’ll disappoint you in other things as well. So it’s actually not because of he is not attractive enough—it’s all about you. It’s important for you to review your expectation again, and rather than expect something from him, you better love him the way he is.

8. Make Time To Miss Him

Having you boyfriend around every time you miss him is good, but seeing him too many times is not healthy for your relationship. If your boyfriend is near and easy to rich, you don’t have chance to miss him.

Also read: Ways to Make My Boyfriend Miss Me and Want to See Me

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That’s why personal space is very important. Make time to be away from each other. Be it solo traveling or you simply stop meeting each other for several day, make sure you’re not in touch with each other. The first time you see him after the long separation, he’ll appear like completely a new person in your eyes.

9. Be Happy In The Relationship

be happy in the relationship

Your feeling change as the relationship goes through ups and down. When you’re happy, your boyfriend is the sexiest man in the universe. But you’re full of sadness and distress, you become discontent with many things.

Thus, be happy in your relationship. When something bad happens, talk it out immediately with him. Don’t let the negative energy lingers for too long.

10. Think About The Possibility Of Losing Him

Why aren’t you sexually attracted to your boyfriend? If the answer seems blurry, now try to picture in your brain what if you lose him. Would you be sad or would you be fine like nothing happened? If he’s someone you don’t want to lose, then solve the problem for good.

Those are the tips on how can I become sexually attracted to my boyfriend again. To work on this situation, you need to have your boyfriend actively participating.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.
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