How To Deal With Rude Stepchildren - 20 Wise Ways

Last updated on June 29, 2024 by Michelle Devani

As a step parent, to give your stepchildren the unconditional love and patience that they need is a must. You also have to understand the impact of their parents' divorce on their lives. There might never be a replacement for their birth parents in their hearts. It's never a good idea to act as if you're trying to replace someone that means a lot in their lives. What you can do is be the best parent that you can be without any intention of replacing anybody.

Though you may have the good intention of getting along with your stepchildren, you might be facing certain unwanted behaviors. They could be distant, cold or even rude. Often times, the rudeness might become too much for you to handle. It's the kind of problem that can break apart a family.

Also read the: Ways to Get Over Your Parent's Divorce


How To Deal With Rude Stepchildren

If all you want is to have a good relationship with your stepchildren without all that rudeness then consider giving these tips a try:

1. Don’t Give Out Gifts In Excess

Holding back from giving excessive gifts is one of the ways you can deal with your stepchildren. Their unacceptable behavior should not be rewarded. By giving them gifts, they might start to use you or hate you even more. It’s an ineffective way to deal with their attitude. Only give gifts on special occasions or when they truly deserve it.

2. Pay Them More Attention

Instead of giving your stepchildren gifts, give them attention. A genuine and heartfelt attention will be better. Your stepchildren might hesitate to carry on with their rudeness. Attention could cause them to have a change of heart. Always be there for your stepchildren. Assist them when they're doing their homeworks or help them out with their science projects. You should also read Ways to Prove You Don't Hate Someone so your stepchildren see that you do love them.

3. Build Good Relationship With Their Birth Parents

build good relationship with their birth parents

Never alienate yourself with their birth parents. Especially if they don’t live in the same house. You need to make extra effort to build a good relation with their parents. It will set a good example of keeping harmony in the family. This could make your stepchildren to grow out of their rude behavior.

4. Talk To Them

Set some time aside to talk with your stepchildren. Tell them that you are concerned with their behavior in a language that they will understand. Refrain from speaking harshly or with anger. That could cause your stepchildren to act out even more. You can be strict but approachable enough where they won’t be scared of you.

5. Make Them Feel Secure

Know how to deal with rude stepchildren by making them feel secure. The rudeness they exude might be because they don’t trust you. There are some ways to give them a sense of security. You can give them the space that they need, don’t pry too much on their activities. Another thing you can do is to help them out if they fall into trouble. 

6. Be Kind

Always be kind to your stepchildren. After all, they are still children. No matter how rude they are to you, be patient. Speak and think kindly of them. Your energy might rub off on them. Your calm behaviour could soften them up. Be careful of the sneaky ones though. Don’t let them take advantage of your kindness. These Ways to Kill Someone with Kindness will give you a further insight on the right way to do it.

7. Take A Look At Your Actions

Maybe your stepchildren are rude because of something that you’ve done or still doing. Ask your partner about how you’re dealing with the stepchildren, they might have some insight for you. You can also just directly ask your stepchildren about it. This kind of open communication will benefit you and your stepchildren.

8. Find Similarities

How to deal with rude stepchildren? Find out what you have in common with your stepchildren. This will make them see you in a better way. It could be music, books or a TV show. Once you know what it is, start to build a healthy relation with them through that. Spend some time to watch a show together. You can also take your stepchildren to visit a book or a record store.

9. Have A Family Day

have a family day

A family day where everyone is out with each other can encourage your stepchildren to behave better. Your stepchildren will realise that they matter to you. No matter how hard it can be to set a schedule where everyone can make it, a family day is worth the try. Get to know your stepchildren this way so that you can also know the best way to deal with them. These Psychological Ways to Make Someone Love You will help you out. 

10. Set A Good Example

Deal with your stepchildren by educating them through good examples. Someone who is good in their eyes could inspire them to be better. Be an adult that they can rely on, someone that they aspire to be like one day. Once your stepchildren start to like you more, you’ll begin to see a change in their behaviour.

Other Ways To Deal With Your Stepchildren

Here are some more suggestions that could be effective when you're facing your stepchildren.

  1. Befriend them to build a closer relationship.
  2. Know their likes and dislikes to reduce conflicts.
  3. Make clear of some rules that you want them to follow.
  4. See things from their point of view to understand them better.
  5. Take a step back and let them have some space.
  6. Show your love no matter what.
  7. Have an open discussion with everyone.
  8. Be compassionate despite their flaws.
  9. Support their positive hobbies or accomplishments.
  10. Be consistent when you’re disciplining them so they’ll take you seriously.

Read all the Signs a Family Member Doesn't Like You which might be the reason why your stepchildren are rude to you.

Maintaining a good relationship with your stepchildren is a lot of work when they're always rude to you. In case everything fails, remember that you will have to still treat them with love because they deserve it.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.
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