What To Do when My Boyfriend Becomes Distant And Cold? Does He Want To Break Up?

by Michelle Devani

Your boyfriend is puzzling you because he's becoming distant and cold. It's starting to bother you. But there are actually many ways to handle this.

Reasons Why My Boyfriend becomes Distant And Cold

Here are some common reasons that people have said about their distant and cold boyfriend:

  • His job is stressing him out
  • He is jealous
  • He has a secret that he’s not ready to tell yet
  • There was a bad argument
  • He feels things are going too fast

What To Do when My Boyfriend Becomes Distant And Cold

Worry not, these are the top solutions that might work for you:

1. Quit Thinking Too Much

quit thinking too much

Quit thinking too much about, “what to do when my boyfriend becomes distant and cold?” It won’t solve anything. There are various Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Pushes You Away. He’s probably going through a very personal issue with his job, his friend, his family or even himself. If he doesn’t talk to you about it yet, wait it out.

Thinking too much will only stress you out. On the other hand, forcing him to speak to you will only upset him. For now, just let things be the way it is. Keep your mind calm and think about something else that makes you happy.

2. Act Supportive

Just because your boyfriend becomes distant and cold, it doesn’t mean that you should look down on him. You don’t know what’s going through his mind. Act supportive no matter what happens. Here's How to Talk to Your Boyfriend When You are Upset with Him.

Let it be known that he has your full support and you have his back whenever he needs you. Support enforces a positive mindset which will help him feel more at ease. Eventually, he will return back to his normal self.

3. Give Him Enough Space

give him enough space

When you start questioning yourself on what to do when my boyfriend becomes distant and cold, remind yourself to give him space. Everybody needs some space every now and then. Even you.

Badgering your boyfriend about his attitude and continuously asking him to explain himself will make your situation worse. Your boyfriend might become even more distant and cold. You don’t want that. Allow him some personal space so he can figure things out. Let him have some quiet so he can think clearly and come back to you.

4. Tone Down Your Intensity

According to Harriet Lerner, a psychologist, tone down your intensity so that your partner wants to connect with you again. This also applies to your distant and cold boyfriend. Stop showing too much intensity toward him. This includes talking loudly, giving him unwanted advice or help.

Your boyfriend might perceive this as additional pressure. You’ll end up adding stress when he’s actually looking for relief. Intense attitude will get you nowhere when your boyfriend becomes distant and cold. So try these Things to Say to Help Someone Who is Stressed.

5. Initiate A Fun Activity

initiate a fun activity

Approach your boyfriend with a plan. Plan something for the both of you and initiate a fun activity that the two of you can do together. It can be something simple. Perhaps plan a date somewhere quiet in the nature. Offer him your ideas and see how he react. There’s a chance that your cold and distant boyfriend will say yes. But he might also say no.

When he declines, don’t take it too personally. At least you’ve tried to connect with him and put some effort into the relationship. Who knows, there’s a possibility that he changes his mind later.

6. Talk To Friends

As you keep yourself occupied with what to do when my boyfriend becomes distant and cold, you might feel really down. Keeping it all to yourself can be poisonous. Reach out to friends and talk about it. Just because your boyfriend is distant and cold with you, it doesn’t mean that other people will treat you the same way.

Let your feelings out. Your friends might be able to offer solutions or help to make your situation better. But you won’t know that unless you try.

7. Treat Him The Opposite Way

How your boyfriend is acting might be unpleasant right now. But treat him the opposite way. Be nice, friendly and approachable. Keep things positive and casual. Fighting fire with fire will only make a bigger fire.

You have to be the calm, soothing and fluid water in this case. But this doesn’t mean that you will allow him to walk all over you. Know your limit and don’t tolerate him when he’s crossed over a certain line with you.

8. Plan A Nice Surprise

plan a nice surprise

Why surprise your boyfriend when he’s acting so cold? Well, a nice surprise could soften him up. So plan one. A nice homemade dinner or a short road trip might be the solution for what to do when my boyfriend becomes distant and cold.

Invite him over and feed him his favourite meal. Here are more ideas on How to Surprise Your Boyfriend on His Birthday in A Long Distance Relationship. Make some time where the two of you can be alone together. It’s the perfect way to start talking about his problems or something else that can cheer him up.

9. Spend More Time On Yourself

What else can you do? Many experts believe that when a partner or a boyfriend is acting cold, it’s time to spend more time on yourself. This is one of the best answer to what to do when my boyfriend becomes distant and cold.

Perhaps you can reflect on your current relationships. Is there anything that’s amiss? What can the two of you do to make the relationship better?You can also use this time for some self improvement or self care. Focus on your hobby or the things that make you happy while waiting for your boyfriend to come back to you.

There’s no one trick that will solve this in an instant. Instead of assuming the worst, focus on staying happy and let your boyfriend resolve his issues in his own time.

10. Show Your Love To Him

show your love to him

Some people can really get fed up with a distant and cold boyfriend. But this is what you shouldn’t do. What you should do is show him your love. Shower him with affection to let him know that you still love him.

Your boyfriend might be so caught up in himself that he forgets that he still has you. Remind him that you’re still here and you’re not going anywhere because you love him. Tell him these Things to Say to Your Boyfriend to Make Him Realize You Love Him.

Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.