How To Talk To Your Boyfriend When You Are Upset With Him - The Best Solution

by Michelle Devani

No matter how deep and sincere you love your boyfriend, there must be time when he makes you upset. Sadly, men are usually not sensitive enough to catch up with the situation—it’s hard for him to know that you’re upset. Not always his fault, anyway.

As a woman you can’t expect your man to understand you without you say a thing. Well, you’re not dating a mind reader so if you don’t say anything how on Earth could he know what you want? Communication plays a big part to keep your relationship harmonious.

When you feel upset, say it. You can find many ways how to talk to your boyfriend when you are upset with him. Don’t hold it back, since feeling misunderstood is never fun, especially by your own boyfriend.

Also read: Ways to Tell Your Boyfriend That You Feel Unappreciated

Remember that the purpose of you letting him know he makes you upset is not to cause fight. You aim for a productive conversation, from which you can learn about each other to make the relationship better.

1. Use Many “I”s When You Speak

Just like how you speak when you’re fighting, use “I” instead of you. Make yourself as the center of subject by saying “I don’t like it when you…” or “I feel upset if you…” Avoid saying “You always…” or “You are…”

The “you” word create impression you’re cornering him and probably accusing him of something he didn’t do. It won’t make things better.

2. Keep Your Words Short

keep your words short

It’s typical when someone is upset, they keep their words short. Even the least sensitive man know that something is wrong with his woman. Don’t mutter things that makes you upset or he’ll never pay attention in what you say. 

Also read: How to Deal with a Guy with Mood Swings

After he realize that something is not right, he’d ask “Why?” and you can take the chance to say about your feeling. Very, very clearly.

3. Speak With Calm Tone

In many cases, fights happen between couples not because of serious things, but because they feel offended by the high tone. Avoid raising your voice when you speak about things that make you upset.

You might be overwhelmed by your feeling, but you have to control yourself and keep your voice in friendly tone. Once you raise your tone, the harder for him to understand you and listening to what you say.

4. Make Your Body Relax

You can be super duper upset, but he won’t understand you if you show offensive manner through your body language. Standing with your arm crossed and frown head indicate that you are close for any negotiation.

Show your openness through your body by staying relax, speaking calmly, and not folding your arms like that. 

Also read: Why Do I Get Upset When My Boyfriend Goes Out with His Friends?

5. Show Emotions In Daily Conversation

You should know the ways how to talk to your boyfriend when you are upset with him long before it happens. Understanding someone is different with performing magic: anyone can’t do it as easy as flipping their hands.

Create a habit where you share emotions daily. Make sure he knows how you feel upon certain things and vice versa. Through this, he’ll notice your mood change instantly.

6. Tell Him Clearly How You Feel

tell him clearly how you feel

When he gives you chance to speak (means he is willing to listen) be clear about how you feel. Mention certain behavior that upset you, such as him looking at his phone frequently when you’re together, making you feel neglected and ales important. 

Also read: How to Deal with A Girl Who is Upset about Everything?

Men will never understand what did he does wrong if you don’t specify it. Even if you ask something impossible, at least you let him know how you feel about it. Remember to resolve your problem by saying things that bothers you, how you feel about it, how to make you feel better, and whether it’s possible or not.

7. Don’t Ask Him To Change Right Away

Your boyfriend will not change just because you ask him to, even for the thousandth time. In fact, the more you criticize him and the more you ask him to change, the more he won’t do it. Focus all the attention to how you feel.

It’s all about you and you, as if he’d done nothing wrong. In the end, he’ll realize that something has to be changed for the sake of the relationship.

8. Don’t Tell Him To Fix Anything

Just because you’re upset, doesn’t mean something is wrong with him. While you tell him about how you feel, constantly remind him that you don’t ask him to fix anything.

You wish he could understand you more, and he can do it his way. If he thinks that something needs to be fixed, it’s because he wanted it. 

Also read: If Your Boyfriend Never Compliments You, What It Means?

9. Open Up At The Right Moment

Having a serious pillowtalk or deep conversation in necessary in a relationship. But mind the time too. Time before bed is not always the right moment to open up, not when he’s drunk or overtired.

You can open up during car rides or over the meal. Speaking in casual circumstances makes you feel less nervous.

10. Speak In His Language

Okay, surely he speaks human language like you do but this is not what it meant. If you want to be understood by your boyfriend, figure out how he communicates. Some men prefers light conversation in relaxed tone, some touched with tears and deep emotion, and so on.

11. Pause When Things Get Difficult

pause when things get difficult

No one guarantee your boyfriend could understand you right away the moment you tell him you’re upset. You could have a heated argument over this matter. When it happens, the best thing to do is to walk away for a moment.

Give both of you chance to cool down and find the better situation. Nothing good ever come out of a boiling head.

12. Write Letter

Not everyone can speak well they end up saying nothing in front of their boyfriend. If this is you, write down all your feeling instead. You can either write him a conventional letter using pen and papers or texting him about how you feel.

Those are all we got about how to talk to your boyfriend when you are upset with him. You may have you own way, it’s okay. Different people requires different resolution for conflicts they have.

Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.