How to Talk About STDs with a New Partner?

by Michelle Devani

A new partner means a new hope, a new beginning, and more to be found later. While you are carried away in a bliss of a new relationship, a reality must be faced soon: talking about sexual health. It’s unavoidable when you’re dating since you’d be in a high possibility of sexually engaged with each other.

But a new relationship also means a new talk about STDs. If you are truly concerned about your health, you can’t put this aside. A question arise: how to talk about STDs with a new partner?

As you are afraid you might hurt their feeling, you have to use a smooth approach by the step you may follow below:

  1. Convince Them About the Purpose

Your partner might get suspicious when you talk about STDs. Many people are having it for years but they don’t realize it just yet until it gets severe. Convince them that you want to know about STDs not because you accuse them of cheating or not trusting them enough. It’s about your health and their health. You don’t want the relationship to cost anything on both of you. Also read How to Ask a Guy to Get Tested for STDs?

  1. It’s a Preventive Act

You can’t talk about STDs without involving the test later. Some people, including you, refuse to have sex before they are sure that both are healthy. It’s a good preventive act since we know how easy STDs can be transmitted to others—HIV can be transmitted by skin touch. And imagine how big your chances are if either of you have STDs.

  1. Timing is Everything

Picking the right time to talk about STDs is important. Make sure you talk about it in relaxed manner, when both of you are not distracted or too tired. You can practice your speech beforehand, so when you feel that the right time is coming you can open up about it. Don’t stutter with your words and say it loud with confidence. Also read What Does It Mean When Your Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Sleep With You Anymore?

  1. Be Prepared with Their Reaction

You never know their reaction, it’s why you carefully thinking about how to talk about STDs with a new partner. Even so, you have to prepare for the worst: they might freaked out. Don’t get carried away, stay calm and contain yourself. Remember that it’s for your own sake and you don’t want to risk your life for this. If your partner explode, it’s only temporary, they’ll know you’re right after they calm a bit.

  1. Explain the Benefits

Talking about STDs and getting test for it brings a lot of benefits for your relationship. It shows how much you really care about each other’s health. The intimacy you feel later would feel more sincere and honest, with nothing to be uncomfortable about. Also read Characteristic of A Healthy and An Unhealthy Relationship

  1. Don’t Judge Their Past

When you’re talking about STDs with a new partner, don’t touch their past at all. You don’t want to sound like judging them since the purpose of the talk is for your goodness. Make sure they don’t feel like you’re assuming their past in a bad way.

  1. You Have the Right to Ask

You can only have sex with consent from both of you, so you have the right to protect yourself. Everyone who is having sex in risking their health if they don’t know about their partner’s condition. Make sure they understand this. Also read Signs Your Hookup Has Feelings for You

  1. Tell Them You Want to be Comfortable

Communication and openness is a strong foundation for a good, long lasting relationship. While it may seems risky to talk about STDs at the beginning of the relationship, it’s very necessary. So that when you have sex later you feel more comfortable and less worry.

  1. Talk in a Low Tone

You don’t want to sound accusing and you don’t want to start a fight. To avoid those situation, calm your voice when you talk. Don’t feel pressured but don’t spice up the talk either. It’s important to make them feel safe not attacked by you. Also read How to Know When a Girl is Into You 

  1. Start the Conversation Lightly

Start it with good talks that are pleasant to be hear. Stress that you are happy being with them, but you want more. You want to develop a healthy relationship, thus you want to talk about STDs.

  1. Give Them the Reasoning

The first they ask would be why you concern about this so much. Tell them that you want to make sure you are comfortable talking about any sort of thing to each other, including the most sensitive ones. Also read Ways to Tell Your Boyfriend That You Feel Unappreciated

  1. Ask Them to Get Checked Together

To convince them that you’re not judging them, offer yourself for an STDs test together. That’s how you prove that you believe in each other.

  1. Share Each Others’ History

Okay, there’s no need to beat around the bush. If you want to talk about STDs, you can ask them “Have you had an STDs test?” and it started from there. Exchange experiences and history about the past so that they can understand why it matters to you.

  1. Don’t Delay It for Long

Talking about STDs when you’re in bed, naked, and ready for sex is completely wrong. It ruins the mood and it’s too late. The STDs talk should have happened long before it. You can think as much as you want about the best way to talk about it, but the longer you procrastinate, the complicated everything could be.

Don’t take too long time thinking how to talk about STDs with a new partner. The more you delay it, the more it won’t become true.

Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.