What is a dating? According to Cambridge Dictionary, a dating is an activity that regularly people spend time with someone they have a romantic relationship with. What is the meaning by a romantic relationship? From the definition about dating, we can see many examples of some activities that people do while dating nowadays. Doing some ‘romantic’ activities is a perfect plan for them to waste their time together. We can find many couples do dating everywhere. They usually take some advantages from holiday and weekend. A girl will not think several times to accept their boyfriend asking to date.
In this era, it is not surprise if we see a boy and his girlfriend do dating in public area. The society will also not disturb them and seem like do nothing of this situation. It looks like habitual daily activity that is not taboo anymore. For the result, pregnancies before marriage often occur in our surrounding. Who will be blamed in this condition? Many factors involve this condition actually. Using of internet, watching the vulgar content of television program, and decreasing moral value in our societies become the top three of some that factors.
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Verses in Al-Quran About Dating
As we know, Indonesia is the country with the largest number of Muslims in the world. We also have known in the Al-Quran there are many verses about dating. For instance, you may check surah Al-Isro : 32, surah An-Nur : 2-3, and surah Al-Furqan : 68 – 69.
There are a lot of verses in Al-Quran that ban dating before marriage. But surprisingly, mostly Muslims do date before marriage. From teenager till adolescent are not shy anymore to date in public. Why could it be occurred? We cannot blame just from one side, from the activists may be. We have to think clearly that this situation could not be occurred if the societies still hold Al-quran values in their daily activities.
In Islam, if someone wants to know more about someone who he is falling in love with, and wants to ask her to marry, he can do Ta’aruf. It seems like an activity that introducing a woman and a man who have an intention to marry but they shouldn’t meet each other without their Mahrom and also it also has time limitation. Recently, Ta’aruf is already well known by many people.
They who are in the romantic relationship with someone finally decide to break, change their relationship with the name of Ta’aruf. Unfortunately, they just change the name without change the content. They still do date, meet in the outside or in the house, seduce each other, and another type of ‘romantic’ activities. Moreover, some teenagers from 12 till 15 who don’t have an intention to marry also do the same. They call their love with “Loving By Allah” and do Ta’aruf become the halal way to deliver their feeling with someone that they love with.
Also read: Muslim Wedding Traditions
Dating Rules in Islam
For you who want to marry someone, don’t be afraid, don’t be worry, because Islam has given us the right rules to do introducing with your choice. How can we do this?
1. Control Your Own Feeling
Falling in love with another is normal. Islam also tells people to love every creature. If you have special feeling with someone, you have to think whether it will be told or not. Telling someone about your feeling has own risk. May you will be accepted or rejected. In Islam if you have special feeling with someone the only way to make it halal relationship is by marriage. But if you don’t ready yet, fasting is the best way to control your lust.
2. Do The Right Taaruf
You have stable income, enough knowledge, and have special feeling with someone, what should you do? Should you tell her about your feeling, do dating for some times, then decide to marry her or may break the relationship? The ending of the romantic relationship are to break or to marry. If finally you break, it means you break your partner’s heart. Firstly you make her fly then other day you pain her heart deeply. How hurt your action is! In the other side, if you decide to end your relationship by marrying her, is that any guarantee for you to make your marriage happily ever after?
Many evidences we can found in this real life. Couples who were in the relationship in several years, then decided to marry, they force only in several months. So, what are the advantages of dating before marriage? Some people will answer to know more about your partner, doesn’t it? But, after regarding some true stories about it, can the dating before marriage play those roles? Absolutely no.
So, what can you do to make sure that you have chosen the right girl? Islam tells us to do Taaruf. Is it the same as dating? Big no is the answer. Look at some activities in the Taaruf as the basic of Islamic dating rules:
3. Follow your feeling or try to get
If you have a special one that you want to marry with, so you can skip this part and next to the second one. But, if you don’t have a certain girl yet, while you have already to marry, please pay attention to this part.
Asking for help to people that you trust and know well to look for your girl, or you can make a proposal consists of your biography then ask them to give it to a girl who they are recommended. The girl will do the same, or you can get the information from your people. Based on the basic information, you and she can make a decision whether you want to continue to the next steps or not. If you or she will not, so you will stop in this step. But if both of you will, you can continue to the next steps.
4. Dating in Ta’aruf
The next step after both of you are ready to continue is dating. Which kind of dating that is allowed in Islam? Although you have a good intention, you also should do in the right way. Let’s check it out:
- Before marrying her, you should know and may ask some questions about general to emphasize your feeling. But, the requirement is you and her are not allowed meet without mahrom. You can go with your friends, family, or people who you trust to. She also has the same right. In this meeting both of you can ask everything that is important to your future marriage.
No like an usual dating that you can have no limitation to have the relationship, this step has limitation time that is decided by you and her in the first meeting. Usually people decided the longest time is about three months. If you or she feels that there is no match and don’t want to continue, you or she can stop in this step. You also have to get permission from your parents, so does the girl has to give her parents the information about you. If your parents or hers don’t allow, it is better for you to stop the Taaruf.
- If both of you get the match, you can continue to the next level, or it called Khitbah in Islam. You should come to her parents and asking for permission. If you have proposed her you still don’t allow meet her without mahrom. In this step, both of your family and hers can discuss your marriage.
5. The Halal Dating
After you have passed all of steps, you can marry her. You can do dating after that. Dating after marriage is sweeter than before, you and she can do anything. Moreover, more you express your feeling with her more you will get reward from Allah. The sin that you can get from dating before marriage you can change become reward by dating after marriage. How wonderful it is.
The Advantages Dating Rules in Islam
The Islamic dating rules give for us, exactly have many advantages. These are:
6. Keep your purity
As I said before, if you don’t ready yet to marry, fasting is the best way to control your lust. It will keep not only purity of your body but also your heart. It also will distance you from immorality of dating. May you can trust yourself or your boy/girlfriend self, but of course devil cannot be trust right? Even though devil is always support you to violate Allah rules, and as we know dating before marriage is also violate Allah rules.
7. Distance you from hurt
Unrequited love, breakup, jealous and other things about the hurt of ‘romantic’ relationship often make you weak, sad, even you can think logically. Dating before marriage will give you those hurt. Although, the happiness will be presented first that make you think if wonderful romantic relationship will you get till the end. You are strongly wrong, have relationship without any engagement will hurt both of you.
8. Keep your friendship
As a social creature, human need another to survive and stay alive. But when you in ‘romantic’ relationship with someone, mostly you will have limited time to your other friends. The worst possible is when your girl/boyfriend is protective. You may not be allowed to take your time to another. How terrible it is. Furthermore, if finally you break with him/her, can you still act like before? Certainly no, doesn’t it? You lost your love and also your friend. Both of you hurt each other exactly. When you have known the risk of taking the ‘romantic’ relationship, why do you still do? So I can say, that you boy deliberately hurt your special one, and you girl deliberately allow someone to hurt your heart.
If You still Don’t Ready To Marry
But the problem is, how if you are falling in love with someone, but you still don’t ready to marry her. Her face appears every time in your mind. You cannot focus in your work, just want to meet or even see her. Totally you think illogical. Besides, you are still teenager or there are some factors that are not allowed you to marry. What should you do?
9. Getting closer to Allah
According to me before, having special feeling with another is normal. But it doesn’t mean that the only way to express your love is by dating with her. If you don’t ready yet to get responsible to marry her, it’s better to you to leave her. Getting closer to Allah may will help you to forget her, control your emotion and your feeling. You can express your feeling by obey Allah rules, because your love of Allah will give you confidential and other advantages. You can try to do Dhuha prayer for example, you can do from 06.30 till 11.00 a.m.
One day one Juz program is also effective. You will spend more time to read Al-Quran every day. Not only can forget your feeling, this way also gives you a comfort feeling. What are the other advantages by getting closer to Allah? You will see how big Allah’s love to us as the creature, what Allah have given to us, and how our feedback to all of Allah’s kindness. If we have considered about that, will we still think about another? Of course we will do everything to obey Allah rules, as our thanks to Allah. Remember the following Qudsi hadith, about the importance of being assured to Allah SWT.
“I am always in accordance with the conjecture of my servant to Me, and I always accompany it when he remembers me, and if he remembers to me in his soul, then I remember him in My substance, and if he remembers me In a crowded place, I remember him in a better place than he, and if he comes closer to me a inch I get closer to him a cubit, and when he approaches a cubit, I draw near to him one fathom, and if he comes to me by walking, I Will come to him by running fast “(Hadith Qudsi).
It means, to get everything in this world, getting closer to Allah is the best way.
10. Focus on your dream
As young people, you have many dreams for your future, right? Even though you waste your time with your girlfriend, it’s better to you to focus in what you are dreaming for. Because your dreaming cannot be exist with a blink of an eye. You should do your best effort to catch it. You may do some activities that will help you to get your dream. No matter what will be, your main job as children is to make your parents happy and proud of you. Because parental blessing is the God’s blessing.
Don’t make them disappointed with you. Prove that you are useful to be their child. If you get your dream, not only your parents but also your surrounding will proud of you. You will become the useful people in your society, it is precious to your life. It will also be one way to make your looking for mate easier. At least, you are ready from economical factor. So, be patient to get the best result. Every effort has their own reward, if it is not come now may it will come in your future.
11. Do positive activities
Improve your skill, do your hobbies and may do some business. While you prepare to pick your mate, what you have to do is spend your time with positive activities. Don’t waste your time, or regret will come to you.
The secret leak of the soul mate is in the surah An Nur verse 26:
“Bad women for bad men, and bad men are for bad women too. A good woman for a good man and a good man for a good woman. (Q An Nur: 26)
This verse motivate us to be the better one. In the end of the day, Islamic dating rules must be followed from their belief, but we can always spread love in the world.
If we are talking about mate, there is no guarantee that someone is our true mate or not. So, we should believe that God always give the best for us. Dating before marriage is a form of your distrust to Allah. You are worry that Allah will give you the wrong girl. Because something good from your opinion may not good according to Allah perception. By do dating before marriage, you also have distance from Allah.
In the fact, the main goal of our life is to get God’s blessing. So, it is useless if we have all we ask but we don’t have God’s blessing, isn’t it? I hope after you read this article, you will have another point of view of dating before marriage. Learn more about the right way to do Ta’aruf, and get married in God’s blessing.
- How to Make Him Fall in Love
- How Man Fall In Love
- How to Make Her Love You
- Signs He is A Boyfriend Material
In case you ever heard, always spread love on every corner!