Men are stereotyped to be not as expressive as women when it comes to their feelings. They usually express their feelings differently than women do that when they’re upset it shouldn’t come off as a surprise if their attitude suddenly shifts 360 degrees.
Therefore, there are some things you should never say to your guy crush when he’s upset (if it’s the other way around, there are ways on how to talk to your boyfriend when you are upset with him or how to let your boyfriend know you are upset with him.)
These things may be applicable to all men, not just your guy crush, but your guy crush is written in specific as it can be very helpful if you want to keep him around. Instead of driving him further away, you want to draw him closer to you, so there are some things you should never say when he’s upset.
Things You Should Never Say to Your Guy Crush When He’s Upset
One thing you should note above anything else, however, is that you should never ever under any circumstance point out the fact that he’s not open about his emotions.
Never call him out. Despite how frustrating it may be, the presence of the stereotype of masculinity may make him feel as if he is “weak” by sharing his feelings. Being empathetic while offering your support should be your priority when he’s upset.
- “You Need to Calm Down”
Any rational human being wouldn’t like it either if they were told to “calm down” while they’re clearly upset. It’s easier said than done, and most of the time it’ll just make the other person even more upset. If your crush is actually being open about his feelings and trying to talk to you, don’t shut him down. Listen to him and communicate, don’t tell him to just “calm down.”
- “Stop Acting Like You’re on Your Period”
This shouldn’t be said to anyone at all, ever. Period. It shames both men and women for having feelings and creates the norm that women are the ones allowed to have feelings.
- “Why Can’t You Be More Like X?”
Comparing him to someone else who may handle conflict better can just add more fuel to his feelings. Not only that, it can leave a scar in him that can actually get him to think about it for a really long time. The farthest it can lead to is him being self-deprecating.
- “We Need to Talk About This Now”
Don’t force open his feelings right away. He may not be someone who’s comfortable about sharing his feelings so easily, especially if your crush isn’t someone you’re close to. Let him take his time and give him some space. Once he’s ready to share, then he will.
- “You’re Being Too Sensitive”
This statement implies that he’s overreacting to the situation. It can also invalidate his feelings, not to mention it’s highly inappropriate. If we have yet found out what he’s really upset about, it can come off as an even bigger insult. He might be upset about a personal problem or he may be having a family issue, so refrain from saying he’s being too sensitive.
- “You’re Being Ridiculous”
Just like the previous statement, it implies that he’s overreacting. Saying this can be rude because how he chooses to feel and react to whatever situation he’s facing is completely up to him. We should be there to help him as much as we can instead of shutting him down and telling him that whatever he’s upset about is just a piece of cake.
- “I’m More Upset Than You Are”
Turning conflict into a competition is one of the worst things anyone can ever say to someone who’s upset. Even if you’re also upset, whether it’s about the same thing, you shouldn’t invalidate his feelings. It’ll just create unnecessary argument, and you’ll both be even more angry than you were before. You can’t say that you’re more upset than he is either, because there is no way to measure how upset someone is.
- “I Think You’re Wrong”
It doesn’t help anyone if you’re telling him what he’s supposedly doing wrong and what he should be doing. You should be there to help him resolve the situation and calm him down. Telling him he’s wrong will only shut him down and you’ll end up going nowhere.
These are only some of the things you should never say to your guy crush when he’s upset. There may be more as not all those who identify as male will experience the same thing when they’re upset nor will they respond the same way (for example, here’s how you know when a Cancer man is hurt), but there are clear differences between men and women.
You need to be as understanding as possible when dealing with your guy crush when he is upset (it’s different from guys with mood swings, but in that case, here’s how to deal with a guy with mood swings. Also read things you should know before you date someone with depression.) Being there for him and listening to him is what’s most important, especially validating his feelings.