It’s easy to blame everything on your boyfriend when he does something wrong that makes you angry at him. You might even end up saying things you’ll regret later on, which is why it’s important to let your boyfriend know you are upset with him but without pushing him away.
Before Talking to Your Boyfriend
Since you are mad at him, it’s likely that your thoughts and feelings are all over the place. Before you talk to him, get yourself some space first and clear your head so you can talk to him rationally.
- Collect Your Thoughts.
Get some space away from him and sit down so you can take deep breaths and collect your thoughts. Think about why you’re angry at him and what he really did. Ask yourself why it even made you angry in the first place.
- Think About What You Want or Need to Say to Him.
It’s angry to throw around curse words when you’re angry at someone (which is why step 1 is important.) Gather your words and carefully construct your sentences so that whatever you say won’t offend him.
What to Say to Your Boyfriend When You Are Mad at Him
Knowing how to talk to your boyfriend when you are upset with him is important as communication is a key part of the relationship. Here are things on what to say to him when you are mad at him.
- Use “I” Statements.
Instead of constantly saying “you”, focus more on yourself by saying “I” statements more. The constant use of the word “you” can make him feel blamed and he might feel offended. Even if you feel he is wrong, it’s important that you let him know how you feel. This will allow you both to understand your feelings and let the conversation flow smoothly.
- Stick to the Present.
It’s easy for the conversation to suddenly go elsewhere, especially if you’ve been bottling up your feelings for a while now. Rather than bringing up past problems that will just make the flame bigger, focus on the present situation, the one that really made you explode. Bringing up past problems can only make the argument even bigger and won’t resolve anything.
- Make Him Understand.
Using the first point, allow him to understand how you’re really feeling and why you’re feeling that way. Don’t let the conversation turn around and become a competition where you focus on winning the argument. Let him know why he made you angry so that he can understand the situation from your point of view.
- Tell Him What You Don’t Want.
Instead of telling him to, for instance, be more punctual, tell him that you don’t want him to be late to appointments anymore. It can come off as less bossy and it can let him know what you want him to improve more in the relationship. This way, you can both also come up with a solution that works for both of you, not just for one side of the relationship.
- Ask For His Opinion.
Once you’ve let out all your emotions, ask him how he’s feelings. Let him in on the conversation to make him feel included so the relationship doesn’t feel one-sided. He’ll appreciate the fact that you’re asking for his point of view. This will also allow you to understand why he did or said whatever it was that made you mad. This can also give him a chance to apologize.
Aside from the things you can say to your boyfriend when you’re mad at him, below is a summarised list of do’s and don’ts when talking to him.
- Tell him that you are upset. Let him know what you are upset about and why you are upset.
- Say it. Be straightforward, but don’t do it in a way that will sound like an attack or might offend him. Just don’t be subtle so he knows straight away what the problem is.
- Look for other feelings. Aside from that anger, what else are you really feeling? Is there another reason why you’re suddenly angry at your boyfriend? Look for suppressed feelings, which is why taking something to collect yourself and gather your thoughts is a very important part of this process.
- Make him guess why you’re mad. It will just make the fire grow even more and won’t resolve anything. Be straightforward and tell him what the problem is. Remember, he’s not a mindreader (also read the best ways to tell your boyfriend that you feel unappreciated and what to do if your boyfriend doesn’t understand you and you feel tortured.)
- Call names. Don’t bring up personal things like his mother and call her by her name, and especially don’t blame her for the way she raised him.
- Compare him to other people. Don’t compare him to someone who might handle anger better than him. It invalidates his feelings because who knows, maybe you’re not the only one here who feels angry (also read on what to do when my boyfriend shuts me out and got so mad.)
When talking to your boyfriend when you are angry at him, the most important thing is that you let him know straight away how you’re really feeling so that you can see the situation from both points of view and can resolve the argument immediately.