How To Deal With My Husband’s Narcissistic Ex-Wife Who Ruins My New Family

Last updated on May 5, 2024 by Michelle Devani

Ex-wives come in all kinds of form. That’s why it may take quite a while on finding the right way to deal with them. Sometimes what you think is right only make things worse. But before you give up, here’s how to deal with my husband’s narcissistic ex-wife. Let's take a look at why she may despise you and make things hard.


Why Your Husband’s Narcissistic Ex-Wife Hates You

See the various reasons why your husband’s ex-wife hates you in the first place:

  1. She is scared that her kids will like you better.
  2. She is still angry about her divorce and taking it out on you.
  3. She feels that you are better than her.
  4. You are taking away all the attention from her.
  5. Your husband seems happier with you. He doesn't display the signs your husband doesn't care about you anymore.

How To Deal With My Husband’s Narcissistic Ex-Wife

In case you’re looking for the solutions to deal with the ex-wife, here are some good ones for you to know:

1. Set Boundaries

You need to set a clear boundary. It needs to exist between you and your husband’s ex-wife. You have to tell yourself what is okay and not okay for your husband’s ex-wife to do that involves you. Don’t let her walk all over you. This boundary can help you maintain a healthy mindset and still enjoy your family life. Make your husband do the same so here's how to get what you want from a passive aggressive man.

2. Limit Contact

limit contact

Start to limit your contact with your husband’s ex-wife. Only pick up her calls and reply to her texts when they’re really necessary. If they sound mean or offensive, don’t give a response. It will only fuel her to become more nasty towards you. Don’t give her ideas to turn things against you. Prioritize interaction when it’s about the children.

3. Be Polite But Firm

On learning how to deal with your husband’s narcissistic ex-wife, remember to always be polite. Your politeness is a crucial weapon in case she becomes irritated with you. Maintain your composure and try to be kind to her. This will discourage her from acting rude to you. However, you also need to be firm. Don’t be too soft when you’re interacting with her. Make her know that you’re nice but not someone to mess with.

4. Focus On Your Family

No matter how bothersome your husband’s ex-wife is making you feel, don’t waste too much of your time on her. Focus on your family, always. They matter more than the ex-wife. If you lose sight of your family, things may start to go downhill. Besides, dedicating your time to the family will keep you grounded and happy.

5. Make A Commitment With Your Husband

Have an open communication with your husband. He’s the one who knows your ex-wife more than you. Convince him to make a commitment with you. This commitment involves putting the family first and protecting it at all cost.Make sure that there's no disagreement as it's one of the signs of incompatibility in relationship with your partner. Don’t ever let his ex-wife ruin everything that you have worked for to build the family. 

6. Control Your Emotion

Always try to control your emotion when you have to deal with your husband’s narcissistic ex-wife. The more she is able to read your feelings, the more she wants to use that to annoy you. Based on psychology, people who love conflicts feed off negative energy. So try to keep it all together for as long as you can.

7. Don’t Let Her Get To You

It’s necessary to never let the ex-wife get to you. This can make you feel awful and angry. You may even lash out at your family without realizing it. In case your husband’s ex-wife say or did something unpleasant, wave it off. Don’t take it to heart and don’t think about it too much.

8. Don’t Talk Bad About Her In Front of Children

Dealing with your husband’s narcissistic ex-wife must be tough but don’t ever talk bad about her in front of the children. It will only make matter worse. Leave the children out of the ‘adult conflict’. Provide security and comfort to your children instead of spreading negativity. These signs a family member doesn't like you might come in handy later.

9. Refrain From Making A Scene In Public

There may come a time when the ex-wife is trying to argue with you in front of people. This is we told you before that controlling your emotion around her is so crucial. Refrain from making a scene with her in public. The best you can do is just to ignore her. 

10. Don’t Share Too Much Information

The narcissistic ex-wife may probe you for information about your life with your family. Don’t give in and don’t share too much information. Just speak to her about how well the kids are doing.

11. Surround Yourself With Positive People

surround yourself with positive people

This one is necessary for your mental wellbeing. Your family needs you so take good care of yourself. Experts say that surrounding yourself with positive people will increase your happiness. This is what you need when the narcissistic ex-wife tends to absorb your energy. Here are also tips to keep your man happy in a relationship.

12. Avoid Gossiping

It might be tempting to gossip about your husband’s narcissistic ex-wife but don’t do it. Nothing good will ever come out of it. Gossiping will only make you look bad. In fact, if the ex wife ever hears about it, you may cause a long argument in the family. Watch out for frenemies as well so here are frenemy characteristics and how to deal with it.

13. Join A Support Group

A good tip to follow on how to deal with your husband’s narcissistic ex-wife is to join a support group. There are many groups out there, so find the one that suits your situation the best. You will find support, people who are in the same boat as you and solutions to your problems. Give it a try and see how it goes.

This whole thing may drive you crazy. But remember that your husband’s narcissistic ex-wife is also a part of your life if she had kids with your husband. Try to deal with the situation in the calmest and classiest ways possible.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.
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