How to Know If Your Mother in Law Secretly Hates You but Loves Your Father So Much

Last updated on April 4, 2024 by Michelle Devani

Maybe your relationship with your mother in law is going fine, but sometimes you have the gut feeling that something is wrong. Maybe you don't know what's wrong, but you just try your best to avoid meeting her. Maybe once in a while it passed on your mind, "Does my mother in law secretly hates me?" and maybe knowing what's wrong can help you fix your relationship with your mother in law.

A Cambridge University researcher found 6 out of 10 women are having a tense relationship with their mother in law. You're not alone, and if you would like to figure out the tell-tale sign, here's how to know if your mother in law secretly hates you.


1. She is overly critical

If she constantly criticize the way you dress up, the way you talk, your habit, your future plans or other things that makes up who you are, it can be a sign for you on how you know if your mother in law secretly hates you. Whether it is based on her thoughts that she did better on your age, or based on the differences between you two, this criticism can sometimes makes you feel stuck. Also, find more about Signs That Your Mother In Law Doesn't Like You

2. She gives backhanded remark

Have you ever heard a praise or a compliment from your mother-in-law, but you're unsure whether it's sincere? Or you felt like it kinda hurts or belittled you? Then that compliment might actually be meant as a shady insult or a disapproval towards you.

3. She ignores you

How to know if your mother in law secretly hates you? Maybe she disregard what you're saying, or does not include you in any family discussion. Maybe she only taking regards of her child, or maybe she does not even care about what you're doing to spend your time or your job on a day-to-day basis. If you feel like she is zoning you out, then this can say that she does not really fancy you.

4. She "forgot" to include you in family events

Intentionally or unintentionally, if she does not invite you to any family event, or excluding you, then she does not care about how you're feeling. Based on Family Life, if your mother in law excludes you it might be because she felt replaced, that you are the woman who knows her child best now, a position she once held before. Also, find more about Ways to Make Your Mother-in-Law Likes You

5. She keeps you at a distance

If she is friendly to everyone but you, or stops being chatty when you're nearby, or does not talk to you much about her life, then this can be a sign that she does not like your presence. This can also be seen by the way she avoids doing any physical contact with you, be it a simple handshake, a short hug or even avoiding the possibility of sitting beside you. 

6. She wants time spent with you as short as possible

Often times, she cut the conversation short between you two and does not want to spend any time beating around the bush. She prefers to talk with you when it's really needed, and sometimes it is obvious that she is rushing to stop talking and stop being with you. If during family meet-ups she want to get away from you as soon as possible, you know your mother in law does not like you. Also, find more about Reasons Why Mother is More Important Than Father

7. She never said "sorry"

There are times when your mother in law is making a mistake, or having a misunderstanding with you, but she never apologized for doing so. Maybe she just said sorry on how you think that she's hurting you, or the way you feel, however this might means that she blames you for the way you misunderstand, your thoughts or your feelings and she is not really sorry about her action.

8. She never said "thank you"

Even when you're doing good deeds sincerely or trying to make her happy, or helping her with something, she never said "thank you" towards you. If your mother in law never express any gratitude or making you feel appreciated, it might happen because your mother in law feels that no matter what you do, you are never enough in her opinion. Also, find more about How to Talk to Your Girlfriend's Mother for The First Time

9. She speak ill about you

There can be times when you realize other members of the family have a wrong perception towards you from something that your mother in law brought up. Or have you ever caught your mother in law talking bad about you to your spouse directly?

Even worse, did you experienced your mother in law expressing her bad remarks on the dining table or in front of the public? If you have ever experienced any of the above, then you can be sure that your mother in law dislike you.

10. She never tries to get to know your family

When a blending of two person happens, a combination of two different families should happen too. Sure, everyone is a stranger that is brought up together by circumstances, but if your mother in law never tries to ask how your family is doing, or never tries to get along with your family, this can be a sure sign that she does not consider you as someone important.

Those are ways on how to know if your mother in law secretly hates you. All these can happen because your mother in law felt replaced or rejected, and therefore unconsciously can blame you as her child's wife. Your mother in law also might hate you because she has a very high expectation towards someone who is marrying into the family. You might feel hurt, upset, disappointed or hopeless.

But it is not too late to prove her hatred towards you is wrong. Keep making some effort, and ask your spouse to help you as a partner. Try to find something in common, or try to understand her point of view. Learn to do your best to foster a good daughter-mother in law relationship, and learn to not take things too personally to avoid getting hurt even more. Who knows that time has the power to change a mother in law's heart.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.
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