How to Leave Your Boyfriend without Hurting Him

Last updated on March 30, 2024 by Michelle Devani

It is always difficult to break up with someone you’ve been in a relationship for a long time. You don’t want to be with him anymore but you also don’t want to hurt him. It is important that you need to know the steps to do a mature break up to avoid any bad blood.

How to Leave Your Boyfriend without Hurting Him

Do these things to leave your boyfriend without hurting him:

1. Find the Right Time

If you are willing to break up with your boyfriend without causing him too much heartbreak then find the right time to do it. Don’t break up with him when he’s having many troubles, sick, or writing his thesis. It could cause disruption to his daily activity. It may even cause him to become heavily depressed. Only do it after he’s done dealing with all that.

2. Arrange a Meet Up

How to leave your boyfriend without hurting him? Arrange a meet up with your boyfriend by phone or message. Tell him that there is something serious that you would like to talk about with him. By telling him this, he will have some time to prepare himself.

3. Find a Neutral Place

A neutral place would mean a place where nobody would know you two. It should be somewhere that is not too crowded like a café. A place full of people would make you lose focus. You’ll find it uncomfortable to tell him the reason why.

4. Break Up in Person

A respectful break up should be done in person. Don’t break up with him through the phone because that would be hurtful. It will also cause him to wonder why you decided to do it. You will leave him with so many unanswered questions. Breaking up through the phone also shows immaturity. Your boyfriend will think of you as a coward and irresponsible. Here are some signs to know if your ex boyfriend still loves you.

5. Only Talk Between You Two

How to leave your boyfriend without hurting him? Do not bring anyone along with you when you’re breaking up with him. The relationship is between the two of you so don’t involve anyone else. Without anyone else, the two of you can talk freely and openly without any hesitations.

6. Be Honest

Say everything that you’ve felt during the relationship. Be blunt and be honest. It’s okay to say that you’re bored, tired or no longer interested to be in a relationship with him. Pick words that are respectful and kind. For instance, you can say, “I have to be honest with you.

I no longer find it comfortable to be in a relationship with you…” then add the reasons why. You may want to read the signs your ex boyfriend wants to get back together

7. Use Polite Language

How to leave your boyfriend without hurting him? The language you’re going to use is important. It’s going to affect how he’s going to take the news. So, try to be polite with your language to avoid hurting him too much.

8. Be Specific with Your Reasons

After you’re done being honest with him, move on to telling him all the reasons why you’re breaking up with him. Be specific, do not hold anything back. It will make it easier for your boyfriend to understand you and accept the outcome. Your reasoning also has to be logical.

9. Give a Little White Lie

Only do this when it’s necessary. You can try to tell him sweet things to ease his feelings. Never tell him that there’s someone else. It will tremendously scar him. A little white lie that you can tell him would be saying, “I still love you, but I don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. We should break up for our own good". Here are some helpful tips to move on from a long term relationship.

10. Control Your Emotions

How to leave your boyfriend without hurting him? Don’t become emotional or angry when you’re trying to break up with him. Keep your cool. Shouting and raising your voice will hurt him. Speak to him in a calm manner. Maintain a cool head.

If he ends up crying, try to cheer him up a little bit or give him a little bit of support to move on. You can tell him, “I hope you can understand why I have decided to do this. I’m sure you’ll find someone else who is a lot better than me out there.” 

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11. Apologise

Don’t forget to say sorry to him. Apologise for every wrongs you’ve done in the relationship. Don’t beat around the bush for too long. Keep telling him that you’re sorry that this is the decision you’re taking because you can’t fight for the relationship any longer.

12. Apologise to His Family

If you’ve been in a relationship with him for a long time, you might have already some time with his family. You might even have a close relationship with them. The best thing to do is to apologise to them too. It will show responsibility and maturity from your side.

13. Thank Him

You need to thank him too for all the things that he’s done for you. Tell him how grateful you are to have had the chance to get to know him. This can help maintain a friendly contact after the break up. Here are some ways to make yourself happy after a break up.

14. Don’t Contact Him after the Break Up

After the break up, avoid contacting him for a while. Let him digest the whole situation. He needs space to be at peace with his mind. If you contact him too quickly, he might find it difficult to move on. Read on the things to say to your ex to start a conversation.

The things that you do and say while breaking up with him will affect how he will feel afterwards. Pay attention to every move you make so you can minimize the hurt you are going to cause him.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.
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