My Ex Wants to Know Why I Broke Up with Him. Should I Be Honest?

Last updated on June 9, 2022 by Michelle Devani

Should you be honest if your ex suddenly wants to know why you broke up with him? It actually depends on the sole reason as to why you broke up with him. It also depends on what your motive is. Did you withhold the truth because you did not want to hurt him?  Or is it because you are ashamed?

However, make sure you take into account the fact that guys are problem solvers by nature, and when a relationship does not work, their instinct is to find the gist of the problem, so they can come up with the solution.

That is why most guys are just plain bad listeners. They tend to think in a problem-solution fashion and struggle with the concept of just listening. Thus, I would guess your ex wants to know why you broke up with him because instinctively he wants to know how to fix it.

Was it something he did? Or is it that you just do not have feelings for him anymore?


Know the Reason of the Break-Up

Even though you can just pack up and dodge your ex’s question without so much of an answer, that is not exactly the best way to treat someone whom you shared some best moments with. You need to give him a little dignity and tell them the reason you are choosing to walk away.

It may be common to think that breaking up with someone is difficult. However, naming a reason or two for it can oftentimes be even more difficult, especially when you want to spare his feelings. The reasons can range from hatred towards a partner to less dramatic reasons such as personal differences.

Weigh the Pros and Cons

Try to walk in his shoes. If you were him, you would probably feel better ultimately not knowing why the person you are still in love with does not love you anymore and to reach your own conclusions in your own time.

Depending on the reasons for ending the relationship with him, the reality of how he failed and the fact that there is nothing he can do to fix it can be much harder to deal with.

On the contrary, you may as well want to question: Can your honesty allow him to grow? Do you want to send him into life learning from your time together? Is he open and willing to understand your heart and which of his actions played a role in that?

If all the answers are “yes”, then perhaps you can give him the opportunity for closure. The philosophy is to leave every relationship better than you found it and that means laying down your ego when someone needs something from you, especially when you are in pain. However, only you can make that call given the temperature of the break-up.

The Outcome

Each decision makes a different outcome and you would want to know the potential impact it could create in your relationship with your ex. In this article, I will disclose to you the suggested result if you choose to or not be honest with him.

  1. If You Choose to Be Honest

If you do not bother coming up with a lie or to soften whatever it is that went wrong between you and your ex, then congratulations, you are a woman with integrity.

It is actually the right thing to do. After all, if he knows you well, he will see right through you. It may sound supremely cliché but yes, the truth will set you and your ex free. 

Refrain yourself from putting him in a place where he will obsess over the details and keep thinking over why your relationship ended. The closure is very important to get over someone and everyone, no matter how good, bad, or nasty they are, they deserve it. It will, of course, hurt him initially but he will find it easier to move on and you will save yourself a dose of guilt.

  1. If You Choose Not to Be Honest

Oftentimes, we all want to be rational, balanced human beings who do things for good, solid, defensible reasons. You may claim you know the reasons why you broke up with him. However, the problem is that those reasons often come to mind after the decision has already been made.

Such a thing is called confabulation, a process where we deceive ourselves to preserve our self-image. It is safe to say that it is unlikely that we ever really know why we do many of the things we do.

So, consider not to tell your ex the truth because there may be a negative effect that confabulation might have on your reasoning and subsequent explanation.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.
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