A possessive, jealous, and controlling boyfriend are all clear signs of an abusive and manipulative boyfriend. They can physically harm, arouse fear on a partner, as well as other effects that all lead to two words: domestic violence.
When you’re completely head over heels for your boyfriend, sometimes it’s hard to see the signs of him slowly turning into a possessive, jealous, and controlling boyfriend. Some of the signs can include:
- He Tells You That You Never Do Anything Right.
Once or twice can be normal, but if this is a constant occurrence then it can be a warning sign. (Also read 19 Characteristic of A Healthy and An Unhealthy Relationship.)
- Extreme Jealousy of Your Friends.
This especially applies for your guy friends. If he goes as far as to stalking you while you’re out with your friends or constantly calling you, even as far as discouraging you from seeing them again, then this can be a wake-up call for you to break up with him. Remember that possessiveness does not equal to caring. (Also read Why do My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Me Around His Friends?)
- Insults or Demeans You.
Sometimes we can say things we don’t mean, but if he often calls you mean names or demeans you as a person then he’s clearly being abusive. (Also read 37 Warning Signs of a Bad Boyfriend Material.)
- Takes Your Money or Refuses to Give You Money.
It’s one thing if you both control the finances, but another if he’s the one controlling your money.
Aside from the signs that you can see right in front of you, there are also emotions you may feel that can be signs of your boyfriend being possessive, jealous, and controlling:
- Isolated or trapped
- Constantly anxious
- Scared/fearful for your safety
Now that you’ve recognised the signs, how can you get out of a relationship with your possessive, jealous, and controlling boyfriend?
- Call for Help.
Call a local domestic violence hotline or call the police. You may think that no one’s gonna believe you, so if you’re not ready to call the authority then reaching out for help from a family member or a close friend can help.
- Make a Personalized Safety Plan.
If you feel threatened or at risk, come up with a safety plan you can use in case your boyfriend abuses you again. Remember to store it somewhere he can’t find. (Also read All the Signs You’re Ready to Leave Your Abusive Relationship.)
- Leave Immediately.
If the relationship has become really dangerous, leave immediately to a close friend or family member’s place. There’s a chance he might find you and try to get you back, and if that’s the case then it’s time you call a domestic violence hotline or even 911 or local police.
- Be in Public.
If you know your boyfriend is violent, talk to him in a public place where you know there will be lots of people. He might get loud as well, and chances are other people will be able to hear the conversation and help.
- Bring Someone With You.
Bringing a trusted companion can act as a witness and someone to save you in case things get really bad. (Also read How to Tell Someone You Don’t Want to Be in A Relationship Anymore.)
The most important thing when dealing with a possessive, jealous, and controlling boyfriend is the difference between all those three things and being caring. He might try to justify his actions as love and apologise, but you have to be wary of his promises.