How To Tell Someone You Don’t Want To Be In A Relationship Anymore (11 Tips)

Last updated on April 13, 2024 by Michelle Devani

The only thing harder than deciding you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore is telling the other person. It can be beyond difficult to find the right words to say. You have to make sure the location of the break-up is ideal

More than anything, you don’t want to accidentally lead them on by being too nice. Simultaneously, you can’t be mean either. Breaking up with someone is like learning a new skill. 


How To Tell Someone You Don't Want To Be In A Relationship Anymore

If you plan on breaking up with someone, it’s important to put some thought into it. Learning how to break up with people is like riding a bike. Once you master it, you’ll be a pro. You won’t find yourself trying to figure out how to deal with breakups over and over again. Instead, you’ll be able to call it quits while maintaining your cool. These tips are all you need. 

1. Avoid giving false hope

When you are calling it quits, don’t give them hope that the two of you will be in a relationship. Avoid telling them you still love them. Don’t say that maybe the two of you will be together again in the future. Instead, make it clear that the other person needs to move on. Be honest without being mean. 

2. Don’t call them a bad person

Avoiding things like this prevents unnecessary conflict. It guarantees that the two of you will not wind up in an argument. You don’t want the breakup to involve anger. Most people that aren’t in love anymore already have an angry relationship. Neither of you needs more of that. 

You don’t want to make the other person feel bad about themselves either. While the two of you might not have had a healthy relationship, they could move on to have healthy relationships with others. Instead, focus on the main reasons for the breakup without being cruel. 

3. Plan what you want to say beforehand

You don’t want a breakup to be mean and hurtful. To make sure that your feelings don’t come out too much during the conversation, think about what you want to say.

Spend time reflecting on the relationship and your thoughts about it. Then, pick out the main reasons why you want to end things. If the two of you didn’t get along, tell them that you guys are not compatible. You don’t have to give a detailed list of every single thing that happened throughout the relationship. 

4. Get a second opinion

Before having the talk, you need to talk to a trusted friend or family member. For example, your mom or best friend. Asking a second opinion on what to say can always be helpful. Sometimes, you forget things or you’re meaner than you think you are. 

5. Make sure that you want to break up with them

make sure that you want to break up with them

Before calling it quits, put a lot of thought into your partner. Do the two of you have an emotional gap because you haven’t been spending time together? Are you wounded because they did something wrong? Are you worried they simply love relationships and not you as a person? These are just some of the things that you need to think about. 

You’ll also want to consider whether you still have strong feelings for them. In a love relationship, you’re going to have those days when it’s hard. You’ll find yourself wondering if you should leave at least once. However, that doesn’t mean that the relationship is over. You need to make sure that you’re ready to walk away forever before having the talk. 

6. Know that it’s not wrong to break up with someone

Once you start feeling guilty, you wind up staying in the relationship. Then, you’ll find yourself hurt again. You want to break that cycle. Besides, you shouldn’t be with someone you don’t want to be in a relationship with. Regardless of how they feel, if you don’t feel the same way it’s going to break both of your hearts in the long run. 

7. Be empathetic

Being empathetic means putting yourself in their shoes. On the one hand, you don’t want to be with someone you don’t want a relationship with. On the other, you don’t want to be so brutally honest that you emotionally scar them either. 

To practice empathy, imagine how they feel. You wouldn’t want someone to break up with you, lead you on, be so honest that you can’t stop hearing the words they spoke in your head, etc. Don’t do it to someone else, either. End the relationship the same way you would want them to. 

8. Have the talk in person

You owe it to your partner to have the conversation face to face. This is harder, but it’s the best way to do it. Avoid texting them or calling them to end the relationship. 

Keep in mind that your safety should come first. If you think they may want to hurt you or that you would be in danger being around them, a text is fine. Quick breakups and going no contact are best for this situation. 

9. Pick the perfect location

There’s no right and wrong setting for a breakup. Some suggest doing it in a public setting, and this is best if you feel unsafe. You don’t want to be alone with a person that may hurt you. If you’re afraid to be around them, just call or text and avoid being around them. 

If you’re not worried about them hurting you, try to avoid taking the easy way out. A conversation in a restaurant forces the other person to suck up their emotions. They may want to hurry up and leave, which can result in them not getting the closure that they need. You might not be able to have the conversation without hurting them, but you need to be as considerate as possible. 

Think about having the discussion at their house. You can leave or they can kick you out at any time. It’s more intimate so the two of you can talk about how you’re feeling. Your partner will feel more comfortable asking questions about the breakup. 

10. Have good intentions

have good intentions

It can be difficult to have a conversation with someone and have good intentions. Some of us end a relationship in the heat of the moment. It can lead to wanting to hurt the other person because they hurt us. When they ask us why, we give them a long list of brutally honest reasons with complete disregard for their feelings. 

This can have a negative impact on you both. You have to stop and think about how it’s going to affect the other person. They will remember the words that you say for years afterward. 

You’ll find that you might not be feeling so great after you say what you have to say, either. Sometimes we say things we regret in the heat of the moment. You don’t want to look back on the conversation later and feel guilty or bad about yourself. 

If you feel like you can’t have the conversation without being too emotional, put it on hold. Tell your partner that you don’t want to be with them. Inform them that you are interested in having that conversation, but that you think it’s best to wait a few days. This will give you time to get your emotions under control and think about what you want to say. 

11. Remember it’s different for abusive situations

All of the rules above go out the window if you’re in an abusive situation. Don’t think about what they are going to go through or try to empathize with them. Avoid being alone with them in their apartment or house.

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How do I tell my boyfriend I don't want to be with him anymore?

Be honest without being hurtful. Have the conversation face to face instead of sending a short text. Give them time to ask questions if they would like. Try not to be too emotional or hurtful. Remember that you can’t control their actions, but you can control what you say during the moment. 

How do you know when to give up on a relationship?

If either one of you consistently tries to have your needs met outside of the relationship, that’s a sign it’s over. You can also tell if there is no emotional connection, physical intimacy doesn’t appeal to you anymore or the two of you are leading separate lives. 

How do you know if you’re not in love with your partner anymore?

You’re no longer interested in them or how their day went. The spark is gone. There’s no communication or connection. Intimacy is dead, and you can’t seem to bring it back. You’re not empathetic towards them anymore. 

When to call it quits in a relationship?

When one of you is no longer trying, it’s a sign that the relationship is dead. It takes two to make a relationship work. Sometimes, you need to walk away if the two of you do not have a future together or can’t seem to resolve issues in the relationship. Always leave if you’re not safe. 

Can someone leave you if they love you?

Yes, they can. Even though a person might love someone else, they still love themselves too. If they are not being treated as they should, or feel that the relationship is not good for them, they can walk away. It hurts them to do so, though. 

In Conclusion

When you don’t want to be with someone, it’s important to tell them in the right way. Be nice, but honest. Don’t lead them on. Pick the perfect way to have the conversation. What else would you add to the list?

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.

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