19 Real Signs She Is Using You For Attention

Last updated on May 12, 2024 by Michelle Devani

Are you wondering whether your girlfriend actually likes you for you? 

This can sound like a nasty question, but there are some girls out there who only couple up because they like the attention from a boyfriend. Any half-decent boyfriend.

In this guide, we’ll explore the telltale signs that your girlfriend is just using you for attention. We’ll also take a look at how to address the situation if it turns out she is doing this.

My first tip for you is perhaps the most controversial, but it is surely the most effective. I have done it several times when I was unsure about a particular man’s feelings about me.

The tip is to download and use this online communications tracker tool.

This tool can connect to his personal devices and create a database of his communications history.

You’ll find out whether she’s still texting other guys and/or using dating apps (classic attention-seeker symptoms). 

On top of that, you’ll be able to access a full list of her alternate contact details, the online services she’s using and a lot more…

It just needs a few of her basic contact details to get started, and it’s 100% discreet. So, you really have nothing to lose. The information revealed by this tool will surely make her intentions with you a lot clearer.

If you don’t fancy using this tool, keep reading. There are plenty more ideas listed below.


Signs She May Be Using You For Attention

1. She doesn’t ask you about your day

she doesn't ask you about your day

This kind of selfish behavior is unacceptable. You need to have someone in your life who cares about what happened during your day. If you are in a partnership where the care and concern are not reciprocated, it might be a good idea to spend one night apart. Take a break from her and see how she likes that. Say that you need some space to think.

2. She doesn’t make efforts to get to know you

If you are dating someone who doesn’t ask you questions to get to know the real you, she doesn’t care very much about who you are. Instead, she’s just using you as a sounding board - a person to talk AT rather than TO. Find someone who knows how to treat another person fairly.

3. She doesn’t make time for you when she’s busy

This sign is especially obvious when she expects you to be there for her and make time for her even when you are too busy to do so. This is a classic sign of a person using you for attention. They want all the glory and fun for themselves but won’t share themselves when the roles are reversed.

4. She makes you feel exhausted

Being around someone who talks only about one thing - themselves - is exhausting. It’s much healthier to be around a person who can both give and take; that’s really the only fair way to have a conversation. Find a good listener as “the one,” not someone needy.

5. She doesn’t give you quality time together

Spending quality time together is a necessary component of any healthy partnership. If you want to be with a person who loves and cares about you, they will make time for you. You will get that alone time; if you don’t see that, you may want to move on to the next person in line. You deserve someone who wants to be close to you.

6. She doesn’t provide you with the intimacy you need

Have you noticed her alarm going off at the moment when you are about to kiss her? Does she all of a sudden have to go when things get romantic? Those aren’t great signs; she may very well be using you for some other reason; you don’t have to stick around to find out what that is. Find someone who will adore you for who you are!

7. She ditches your plans for someone else

You planned a nice candlelit dinner and cooked your famous meatloaf. You’ve been in the kitchen for hours, and you really have hope that this girl is the one for you, right? Suddenly, something better comes along - more exciting plans, and she ditches you. That behavior is completely unfair to you and the efforts you have put forth.

8. She has an excuse for everything

she has an excuse for everything

There may be moments when you can straight call her out on some of the stuff she’s trying to pull, but somehow, she’s always got an excuse for her behavior - some reason for why she is the way she is, a reason that never involves her taking any responsibilities. I hope you know you don’t have to continue putting up with that.

9. She complains to you all of the time

Someone who enjoys sucking the life out of others enjoys complaining. They like to hear themselves talk even if the topic is very negative and makes them look bad. One way or another, they get the floor, and that’s all they want - complete attention paid to them.

10. She isn’t really there when you need her

You’ve been her friend through family drama, bad grades, and horrible days where everything went wrong, but now, where is she when you need her? This girl doesn’t reciprocate what you have done so many times for her, and that just isn’t right. You deserve someone who will listen and care about your problems, as well. 

11. She has told you her life story, but there’s no reciprocation

You may not have had a chance to tell her anything about your life because she is always the topic of conversation. What can we say? Men are great listeners; we don’t usually mind letting girls tell their life stories, but at some point, she has to start wondering where you came from. If she’s not, she is just using you for attention.

12. She requires a lot of compliments

Often, a girl who has this disorder finds ways to “fish for compliments.” She knows exactly what to say to make you compliment her and to make her feel better about herself. The big question here is: Does she do the same for you? If she doesn’t give you compliments as well, something courteous, she may be very selfish.

13. She picks her phone over you - every time

she picks her phone over you - every time

Have you noticed her addicted to her phone when she’s around you? Sure, she makes time to talk and at least “pretend” to listen when you give her advice, but her phone is another story altogether. She may be addicted to Candy Crush or social media. Whatever it is, she deems it more important to you. Take the hint and ditch her.

14. She brags way too much

Along with loving to hear herself talk, she may love to boast about the wonderful traits she has. You probably have heard it all before since you have given her plenty of compliments to help build her self-esteem. Just think about what it will be like in twenty-five years if you stay with her in a marriage, for example! Think ahead!

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15. She doesn’t really listen to you

When you do talk to her about your day or your life, does she really pay attention? Do you think she actually cares? A good listener doesn’t just hear with the ears; they listen with their whole heart. They offer advice, feedback of some kind, or ask follow-up questions as they summarize what they just heard you say. 

16. She never asks for advice when it comes to her problems

One thing that is very hard to be around is a person with a ton of problems who doesn’t really care about solving them. Instead, they just want to complain about their lot in life. She may not ask for advice because she has no plans to escape the trouble she’s in. The negative drama is still exciting to her and gives her plenty to talk about.

17. She hasn’t expressed real feelings for you

Has she ever said she loves you? Does she show it with the things she does? If she doesn’t say anything, that may be okay because not everyone is comfortable talking about their emotions. However, if she hasn’t demonstrated those feelings in her actions, you may be dealing with a selfish individual who doesn’t want anything real with you.

18. She doesn’t follow the advice you give her

What can I say? Some people enjoy living in their misery; they want to be unhappy because that is where they are most comfortable. They know how to complain and be miserable. They don’t understand what happiness is like, so if you have a real solution to her problems, she most likely will be too afraid to take you up on your wise words. 

19. She isn’t interested in you as a person

She may listen to you talk about your day from time to time, but does she ask what your favorite color is or remember it when you tell her? Does she make a real effort to get to know the real you? If you always have to volunteer information that she doesn’t care to listen to, she may not really care about you as an individual. You deserve better!

What This Behavior Is Like In A Relationship

what this behavior is like in a relationship

If you find yourself constantly taking care of a girl like this or are already in a relationship with someone like this, you may find yourself being quite neglected. No one is there to tend to your needs if the relationship is all about meeting her attention-seeking needs. Who is there to make sure you are taken care of and loved in the way you should be?

Does this girl seem mildly interested in you, but you still feel like something is missing? If you are not getting any attention, you may feel as though you are unlovable. That’s hardly the case; you just haven’t found the right person to fulfill your needs. Make certain that you spend time in thoughtful reflection over the future of this relationship and whether you want it to continue. 

You may find that the light at the end of the tunnel is an end to this attention-seeking behavior. That may mean breaking up with her or leaving the situation for a certain period of time. Take a break until you feel like she’s changed this selfish behavior. You don’t want to wake up one day in the future to a selfish, drama-seeking wife who leaves you exhausted and unhappy.

How To Best Deal With A Girl Like This

If you are in a relationship with someone like this, you do have options on what you can do. If the signs are there, you may want to take a break from each other. If you feel like things are manageable, you will need to be patient, continue to watch the signs, and talk to her seriously about what is going on. Set some clear boundaries, being open and honest about your feelings.

It would be a smart plan to tell her that you require a change. Explain that you need to be heard and cared about, too. It cannot only be one-sided in this relationship, or there will be no relationship. You might even see if couples counseling is a smart option for you two. A third-party may be able to reach out to her in ways that you have been unable to. 

If she feels like you are attacking her, try to be gentle with the words you use. Explain that this may not be her fault; it could be something that developed in her as a child, but that you still must insist on some changes to happen. When people know that their partners are serious about stuff like this, they usually will either agree to change and try their best or leave.


How do you know if someone just wants attention?

If they only come around you to complain about things or to tell you stories about their life with no regard to you or your life, they are probably using you to meet their unreasonable needs. If she is using you for attention, look for the next exit sign fast.

How do you tell if people are using you?

Often, it is hard to tell when people are using you because they are very skilled at their craft. They may use hints, clues, or suggestions to make you think it’s all your idea to do something or go somewhere when really it was the last thing on your mind.

How do you know if a girl is using you emotionally?

Watch for the signs of an attention-seeking person, someone who needs something all the time. Does she talk about herself nonstop without even asking you once how you are feeling or how your day has been? This kind of selfish behavior shouldn’t be tolerated. Find someone who deserves you!

Why do girlfriends always want attention?

Girlfriends like attention because it’s focused on them - no one else. They can wrap you around their little fingers and treat you like puppets, getting anything they want. You don’t have to allow them to do that, though. Just choose to be with someone secure in who they are.

Is there a disorder for wanting attention?

Yes, it is called histrionic personality disorder and is often seen in people with childhood issues. Perhaps, she was spoiled as a child and is now searching for attention from someone who will forgo their needs to meet hers. Don’t allow yourself to be trapped with a girl like this.

To Sum Things Up...

Watch out for a girl like this; you don’t want to end up in a marriage with someone like this and have a lifelong problem, you have to deal with on a daily basis. The signs she’s using you are real; don’t ignore them! Please comment on your experience!

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.

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