Romantic relationships are challenging on their own, however, it gets harder when you're dating someone with issues from their childhood. I know what you're thinking, 'don't we all have our own issues?' As a matter of fact, we do. We all have one thing or the other that needs tweaking and we carry those things into our romantic relationships.
Some issues, however, are more serious than others, and having mommy issues is definitely at the top of that list. Many men have these problems and may not even know it. If you're currently dating a mama's boy, I'd advise that you run out of that relationship and never look back. However, some people are way too in love to break up with their partner over this.
If you're in this category, then you need a special set of skills to maintain a healthy relationship and to stay sane while dealing with him. Here are a few tips on how to deal with a guy who has mommy issues.
If you’re dating a guy who has a mommy issue and you insist on staying with him, it means you need to come to terms with the whole situation. You’ve got to accept the fact that he’s going to be insecure sometimes until he seeks psychological help, there’s not much you can do about that. So, you’ve got to understand him; understand that being neglected by a mother leads to tough adult life.
Love and trust are issues he may struggle the most with, so you have to be there for him. If he questions your love for him from time to time, try not to get angry or upset. Calmly assure him that you love him and you'll be there for him no matter what. Bear in mind that this takes a lot of patience.
Mothers play a vital role in a child's all-around development. This doesn't mean that the other parent is insignificant, it's just that a mother's role is so important that neglecting these roles will often affect the child in adulthood.
Consequently, you may need to do a little extra work assuring him that he can trust you. This does not only involve telling him but also showing him that you’re trustworthy. Keep in mind that this isn’t something he gives easily and he may even secretly test you from time to time.
If you’re being honest with yourself, the constant skepticism may annoy you, but there’s not much you can do about it. The best you can do is advise him to go for therapy. Describe to him how his behavior affects you, that ought to work.
If he experienced neglect or betrayal from his mom, he may purposely refuse to believe anyone, especially women. This means it may take a long while to gain his trust, it will require constant reassurance, patience, and effort. So get ready for friction, confrontations, and even a passive-aggressive attitude on his part.
Children who have a complicated relationship with their mom, grow up to have a strange attachment to her. That's why it's better for them to stay as far away from their mother as possible. If your boyfriend is a mama’s boy, living with his mother would only encourage more dependence. That is something you do not want because he will definitely put his relationship with his mother before you.
Putting their mother-son relationship before yours means he will side with her on every subject, make you the third wheel, or even discuss details of your relationship with her. It's worse if you live together, having his mom around will make you very uncomfortable and may even take a toll on your sex life.
Although some issues may still arise whether he lives with his mom or not, living apart will go a long way to help. So, try talking him into getting his own place away from his mom.
As soon as you notice certain behavioral patterns in your partner, you need to set clear boundaries. For example, if your partner is used to being pampered by his mom, he may be under the impression that the world owes him things.
He may expect you to clean up after him, do his laundry, and excuse his childish behavior. It's very necessary for you to let him know that you are not his mother and you will not play into that role. Define your role and the direction you'd prefer the relationship to move in, then do your best to stick to it so he doesn’t take you for granted.
Initially, he may attempt to manipulate you or use your emotions to trick you into doing his bidding, but you need to put your foot down. Don’t let his accusations get to you, waiting on him does not mean that you love him. Love involves judicious giving and taking, etc. When he’s with his dear mother he can act like a toddler but when he’s with you, he’s expected to respect your boundaries.
There's a truckload of topics to talk about that don't involve your own mothers, try your best to stick to these topics. This does not mean you should act a certain way when he talks about his family, the idea is to focus more on topics that don't remind him of his neglect or over-pampering.
If your spouse went through some trouble with his mom, you don't want to go on and on about your mom and the perfect little life you had growing up, it would just make him feel worse about his situation.
For example, when you're having dinner together, that's not the best time to bring up your family's soul food Sundays, going on and on about how delicious your mom's cooking was. This will only remind him of all the things he lacked on the part of his mom.
No matter how bad things are between your spouse and his mom, it's not your responsibility to confront her about it. Try and stay out of their issues as much as you can; not out of fear but just to keep the peace. This does not mean that you shouldn't support your spouse, just support him without getting actively involved.
This also applies to the disagreements you have with her, find a way to stand your ground without turning it into a major argument. If you can't stand her, perhaps try to avoid her more. Also, give him a chance to stand up for you, so sometimes try to stand down.
Dating a person who's suffering from the psychological effects of their childhood can hurt your own mental health. If you're being honest with yourself, being an emotional clutch is not easy, you need someone to lean on too. So, don't expect to be a superwoman, seek help.
You could choose to go to therapy at least once or twice a week or ask for advice from people you trust. However you do it, try your best to get help and emotional support.
Mommy issues are issues an adult carries from their childhood into their adult life due to the relationship they had with their mom. People often think that mommy issues don't apply to a female partner but this is a misconception. Women can have mommy issues too. A person could develop these issues if they've been overpampered or neglected by a parent.
The first step to recovering from any parent-related psychological issue is to admit that you have a problem. Next try to forgive your mom for the damage she caused you, love yourself, and develop self-awareness. Practice self-love, not just by going to the spa and pampering yourself, but also try to parent yourself.
The first thing you need to do is be there for him, what he needs more than a lecture or advice is a shoulder to lean on. He needs someone who he can love and trust and who will be patient with him. Also, try to subtly encourage him to take responsibility for himself.
Yes, a mama's boy can change once he recognizes that he has a problem and takes action to solve them. He needs to practice self-awareness to prevent himself from repeating these attitudes and habits in his relationships. To help him become a successful man he needs therapy, that way his progress can be supervised.
If you have daddy issues you'd notice that you are mostly attracted to older men, you won't have many relationships with men in your age bracket. Also, you'd be a bit more jealous and perhaps struggle with trust issues. You would constantly need the reassurance of love from your partner.
I hope you found this article helpful. Don't forget that being with a guy who has mama issues is not the easiest thing to do, you've got to be patient with him. Please let me know what you think about this article in the comment section below, and remember to share it with friends.