Chinese dating etiquette is one of the well-known particular dating culture in the world of relationship. They are indeed different in many ways compare to the common dating etiquette in Western countries, even the rest of the countries in East Asia. Strongly influenced by their culture and tradition, Chinese has their own rules of dating. This, however, still going strong to this day pushed down to younger generation by the elderly.
If you know nothing about this, then get ready to enter a completely new world of dating. Here I’m gonna share to you some common etiquette about dating with Chinese.
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1. Attending Matchmaking Session to Find Partner
Men and women in China has a lot of pressure of getting married. When they already in their 30’s and still single, it is called embarrassment and even disaster. This is why “fake” boyfriend and girlfriend are common in China. Because of the pressure to find partner is high, Chinese want to get matchmaking. The familiar methods used are dating college friends, colleague at work, or through online dating service. It is a common view in China where several young people sitting together at a cafe or restaurant to attend matchmaking session.
2. Praising the Women’s Beauty on the First Meeting
Politeness in the key in Chinese culture. Thus, first impression played a big part in the continuity of the relationship. Praising the women appearance is very common China. When Western women would like to turn her face away after men compliment her beauty, Chinese women won’t. They liked it when men praise their appearance.
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3. Men are the Decision Maker in (Almost) Every Aspect
While women in Western countries would be delighted to choose where to eat, Chinese women rely more on men in decision making. This happen in almost every occasion such as deciding where to eat and ordering the food. It is not that they’re not be able to make their own decision, but they worried whether men will like it or not. When men take the lead, he lift a huge burden off her shoulder, that’s Chinese dating etiquette
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4. Women Can Not Start a Conversation
Tradition asks Chinese women to be shy and introverted, especially towards man. Thus, initiating a conversation is something Chinese women won’t do. It is also due to their fear of exposing too much of herself that might led the men to think badly of them. In Chinese dating etiquette, men take the control.
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5. Avoid Detailed Conversation
As previously described, women cannot be too open towards men. This is why such private topics as income, living conditions, living expenses, previous romance, and some other detailed conversation is a big no to be talked during date. General topics like family and friends are more preferred, even praising each other appearances.
6. No Such Things as Casual Meeting
Casual meeting is uncommonly practiced in China. Younger generation has started to do this, but it is still unacceptable in the bigger culture. If a couple has met for the third time or more, women will take it as an indication of interest, even impression that they would likely to get married.
7. Affection is Taken Very Seriously
Chinese dating etiquette, well there is no trivial things in Chinese dating. When a lover said “I miss you” or “I love you”, women will take it seriously. Nobody in Chinese said these things out of habits or even as a simple jokes. On the contrary, it is taken as a reflection of someone’s heart.
8. Introducing Partner to Parents or Family
In Western culture, introducing girlfriend or boyfriend to the parents are common regardless of the seriousness of the relationship. While in China, it is a very different thing. Taking your partner and introduce them to your parents mirrored the level of seriousness of your relationship. When this occur, it means both of you are ready to escalate to the next level: marriage.
9. Parents and Grandparents Involvement are (Still) High
There’s a tradition in China where parents, and in most cases, grandparents are highly involved in some couples lovey dovey relationship. It usually happen when the parents are the one who set up the meeting for their children. If it is not, there are some women in China who are stick to the old tradition where she and her partner would meet only at places that has been approved by her parents (and grandparents) before hand. Just imagine how exciting the place would be!
10. It is Fine to Exchange Multiple Texts a Day
In Western culture, you can’t bomb your partner with hundreds of calls and texts every other hour. Or else, he will get irritated and dump you for worse. But trust me, that is a common things in China. It is okay if women send text or make calls three hours prior to their arranged meeting.
11. Tendency to Get Married Early
The high pressure of finding partner in Chinese culture resulted in other thing: tendency for Chinese women to get married early. Due to its culture-oriented, the lady’s parents and grandparents are the ones who put the pressure on marriage, whether the lady herself is ready or not. Elder people like to set up the daugther with older men, as they are more reliable, earn enough money, and usually have bright future. Chinese people valued marital stability above everything else.
12. The Marriage Market
Some people in China get married out of life convenience rather than love. This is why parents also like to set their children up in a meeting. There’s a common culture in China called the married market. And it is literally market, as crowded and as big as it is. From a small scales as private meeting between parents to large-scale exhibition with hundred participants.
Uniquely, the ones who get involved in this event are parents! They usually sitting in front of an umbrella fully written with their children’s profile and positive values. They also advertise their children throughout the event to look for potential in-laws. When the match is found, they will continue to privately set up a meeting for the children. And if it turns out for good, a marriage will be held within months.
13. Chinese Women Valued Virginity Above Everything
While Western valued of virginity has continuously decreasing and their women has a lot of one night stand relationship with different men, Chinese women think very highly of their virginity status. Up to this day, virginity remains one of crucial things in their culture. In men take a woman’s virginity, it means the ultimate goal of the relationship is marriage. Chinese women only giving their virginity to the one they really loved, or the one they are sure to marry in the future.
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14. They Tend to Date Among Their Race
This is no longer common in Chinese dating etiquette nowadays. But some people who held onto their traditional beliefs think that there is no better match for them other than their own descent. Similar understanding in the same culture is also one of supporting factor for Chinese to date each other.
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Facts about Chinese Women and Western Men
A new phenomenon reveals that Chinese women like to date Western men. There’s numerous stereotypes of them who date Western men like they’re looking for a luxury life and using marriage as a ticket out of China. But it is not all true. Here I present you some reasons what Chinese women love from Western men:
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1. They want to enjoy and loving life
Chinese men mostly focused on having a stable job and a bright future. They mind only thair financial needs without having any thought to enjoy life. This is what Chinese women find in Western men. They have a broader view in life that being financially stable is not their main goal in life. Rather, living a happy and enjoy life is more important. This one quality makes Chinese women love Western men.
2. Western men respect their partner’s previous relationship
In China, when a woman has a dark past of her relationship—such as divorce—it is considered a shame. Thus, the society and their future partner having a hard time to accept it. For a Western man, previous relationship is nothing to be ashamed of. They openly accept their partner’s past relationship and moving on together to the future with them. For Chinese women, it’s something they’ll never find in their culture.
3. Western men are open for discussion
When it comes to dispute, Chinese men is the typical of rejecting any arguments from their partner. Their always-taking-the-lead in almost everything nature shaped them to be the decision maker, including when a fight between couples happen. Western men, on the contrary, willingly hear their partner and resolve the problem together.
Dating style is strongly influenced by culture where ones living in or grow up with. In Western and Eastern countries, relationships between men and women are viewed from different point. Particularly in China, where Chinese dating etiquette is still going strong up to this day. However, we have to pay some respect and not underestimate their culture.
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