14 True Signs of Conditional Love (No.3 is Heartbreaking!)

by Michelle Devani

Love is a beautiful thing that every person wish to have. When we fall in love, we can feel this particular desire to have that person as our own, and build a relationship with him.

In a relationship, we always seek a true and pure love from our lover. A love that is simple, but both sides can feel the sincerity in it. But what if in your relationship you feel it hard to find the sincerity? What if you start to doubt, did the love he gave you is real or not? Then you may look at the signs of conditional love below. Read the list carefully, and hopefully you will never find any of these in your relationship!

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1. He only love your good sides

Just like how there is always black in every white, nobody is born perfect. We tend to make mistake and lose our temper. Your lover also has to lobe these sides of yours, because loving somebody means embrace their negative sides as well. But if he reacts negatively and unwelcoming your bad sides, then his love is conditional.

As we can't hide our faults from our partner forever, there will be times where we lose control of ourselves and showing sides that we ourselves didn't like it. But we also can't hold them. In this kind of situation, you can see how he loves you. If his love for you is real, he will be understanding at the moment then told you what you have done wrong once you calmed down.

2. He put himself before you

The key of a real and true love is selflessness. When you love someone, you would put him before yourself. But if your lover doesn't do this, you may question whether his love is real or not. If he always put himself first and tend to ignore your interest, it's probably a sign of a conditional love.

However if we love someone we have to put aside our selfishness to listen more to our partner. About what did he wants and how does he feel. If he doesn't do both, you may doubt whether his love is conditional.

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3. Your happiness is not his happiness

All of us surely want to see the people we love to be always happy. Seeing them smiling happily is happiness itself for us. But what if it didn't happen in your relationship? What if he didn't care about your happiness and didn't feel your happiness with you. Then it's probably too soon to say that he has an unconditional love to you.

Bear in mind that if you love someone, his happiness probably more important than yours, as there is nothing better than watching someone you love smiling out of happiness. Indeed, one of the worst signs of conditional love.

4. Your relationship centered around him

Relationship between a man and a woman requires an equal contribution from both sides, so that the relationship could be going smoothly, but if one person is more dominant than the other, it's a sign that your relationship is unstable. For example, what you think and what you want doesn't matter. The only things matters is his will and his thought.

When you go on a date, he decided. When you miss him and wanted to see him, he never take it seriously. It was all from him, for him, and about him.

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5. He expects us to be someone else

We are not always who our lover wants us to be. Before we started dating, we fancy things about someone we love, and so does our lover. As you start dating and get to know each other better, reality is sometime doesn't come along with our imagination. In fact, its probably bitter than our imagination. Fancy things that going around his mind got carried away in you relationship, and as a result, he expects you to be someone who fit with his imagination. Its hard for him to accept you the way you are, unless his love for you is unconditional.

6. It's about how you make me feel

To have a great relationship, both partner should have fair share part in the relationship. It shouldn't be heavier in the other side. If you truly love each other, you must be care about one and another feeling. What do you feel and what does he feel is important.

But you may never find this in a conditional love. What do you feel is not important. It was always how you make me feel. He may not care what do you feel about certain things as long as he feel happy. How you make me feel is more important than what do you feel.

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7. He always asks for more

It was a human nature to never feel satisfied and sufficient about anything. We always want to go higher and higher. This could also happen in a relationship. His greed nature got carried away, and his takes it out to your partner.  Rather than learn to love you all the way you are, there was always something in you that doesn't satisfy him. He always wanted some things after another and probably never thank you for your presence.

Well, it may too quick to judge, but someone who loves you unconditionally will never asks something beyond you reach, won't he?

8. He quickly judged you

Not just in a relationship, even in everyday life among the society, it's not good to judge quickly. Someone may behave or do something because of certain reason, not just the way it looks. Its important to know their motives and background of a certain behavior.

It's just the same in a relationship. Someone who truly loves you will never quickly make a judgement to you. Rather he will listen to your explanation of why you do certain things that he may doesn’t like. Indeed, one of the worst signs of conditional love.

9. He compares you with his ex

Topics of an ex was always sensitive in every relationship. If he continually talk about his ex or even compares you with her, probably he has not fully let her go or he hasn’t moved on yet.

This was not a good sign for your relationship, means he has not truly accept you or he was not truly love you.

10. He doesn't love you the way you are

Every relationships need both sides to compromise. Say it when you dislike certain things but you still accept him the way he is because you love him. This is what called unconditional love.

But if your boyfriend doesn’t love you the way you are and always asking you to be someone else, then may not so love you girls.

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11. He takes out some benefits from you

When we love someone, we love him wit all we have and all the way he is. We never take out some benefits out of someone we love because it means that we don’t truly love him.

But did you know that taking benefits out of someone we love is a sign of conditional love? Yes it is. When your partner takes out some benefits from you, such as you are the one who always take the bills or he asks you for money every now and then, he may not love you with all his heart.

12. He likes you because of certain things

People said when we love someone, we can not tell the reason because we don’t really have one. We just love him because he is himself. That’s all we need to have a true love.

But if somebody said that he loves his lover because she has a steady job or because she is pretty, that could means that his love is not unconditional yet.

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13. His critics is to put you down, not make you better

As partners, its our job to criticize our partner to make him a better man. What we said is not just a groundless reason just to put him down. So listen closely and carefully whenever he criticize you, whether it is meant to build yourself or just putting you down. If what he said if good for your personality building, then he truly loves you.

14. What else, he may cheated on you

After taking out some benefits from you, compare you with his ex, and wanted you to be someone else, the ultimate sign of conditional love is when he cheated on you! Someone who loves you with all his heart will never do such thing to hurt your feeling. He would always protect and cherish you as his lover.

Also read: Signs of a Man Who is a Player - Signs He’s Cheating In A Long Distance Relationship

So if your partner cheated on you, probably part of it did because of your fault, but it also indicated that he is just not so love you.

Every person show their love differently one another. Your partner may show some signs of conditional love, but it's always too early to judge. So rather than judging, you better learn their personality thoroughly and maybe he does love you and he just find it difficult to show it the way you want!

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.