Signs Of a Possessive Girl (17 Signs That Your Girlfriend Is Possessive)

Last updated on April 13, 2024 by Michelle Devani

When you’re in love, you want to do everything to protect the one you love. You want to give your girlfriend everything that will make her happy. If you’re financially buoyant, you want to spoil her with anything money can buy. While it is common for men to be the possessive ones in relationships, some women can be possessive too.

In any relationship, there is a fine line between being protective of your partner and being obsessive. Even though the term possessiveness sounds romantically intense and hot, the actions of an obsessive partner aren’t always sweet. Even if your girlfriend seems sweet and attentive in the beginning, you will start to question the rationale behind her actions over time. 

If your partner is possessive, her actions will raise red flags you cannot ignore. Waiting until things go out of your control isn’t the best thing, but sometimes, you’re not even sure what to look out for in such situations. Do you think your partner is acting obsessive or holding you in an invisible stranglehold? 

Do some of her actions or words cross acceptable boundaries in relationships, but you need to know if you’re overreacting? This article provides 17 signs of a possessive girlfriend. Read this post to the end to know what to do in each possible scenario.


17 Signs That Your Girlfriend Is Possessive 

1. You can’t talk to her about other girls

If you have an extremely jealous girlfriend, it might be a clear sign that you’re in a toxic relationship. A girl who gets suspicious whenever you talk to another girl will make life difficult for you. If she doesn’t allow you to keep male friends because she thinks their girlfriends will throw themselves at you, there is a problem. 

Even though she has many friends, you’ll be stuck with her. She might allow you to hang out with her friends, as long as they are males. If you are ever allowed to hang out with your friends, she has to be there with you. That is no way to live, and it’s not the right relationship for you. 

2. She is always sniffing your shirts/clothes

she is always sniffing your shirts/clothes

In a romantic relationship, it is normal for a girlfriend to put on her boyfriend’s shirt. It is even sweet that she wants to smell you long after you’ve left for your daily activities. 

However, it is not all that sweet when she never wears her own clothes when she sleeps over. If she is always sniffing your clothes, she’s probably looking for hints that you’ve cheated on her with another woman.

Women can easily recognize a different scent on your clothes that doesn’t belong to you or her. If you had mistakenly hugged another woman, and her perfume lingers on your shirt, you’ll get in trouble with your sniffling girlfriend. You can give her a permanent shirt she can sleep in, and restrict her from raiding your closet.

3. She shows up at your house unannounced

A possessive woman doesn’t understand the concept of personal boundaries. Instead of her talking about trivial things via phone calls, she will just show up without letting you know. The fact that you’re dating someone doesn’t mean you don’t tell them when you’re coming over. Except you don’t trust your partner, there’s no big deal with informing them you’re coming to see them.

As such, it is not a good sign that she invades your personal space anytime she likes. Such a woman doesn’t even care if she is breaking up your family time with your folks or not. It is a silly attitude you should nip in the bud on time. If you correct her and she doesn’t change, it might be time to move on from her.

4. She clings to you in the public

A possessive lover is usually filled to the brim with unnecessary jealousy. If you have a possessive girlfriend, she will be as clingy as a snail to a rock. She will stick by your side, but because she is loyal, but because she doesn’t trust you out of her sight.

She calls you by a pet name just to stake a claim, and chase other girls away from you. You might think it’s a sweet and bold gesture until you realize that you can’t shake her off. She becomes your shadow, an image that never leaves you. 

Your friends might even make jokes at your expense because of it, but that is not the issue. The issue is that you cannot express your individuality without your girlfriend glued to your side. You cannot make new and relevant connections without her butting into your matter. 

5. You never wanted a committed relationship

With a possessive girlfriend, even if you didn’t want a serious relationship, you’ll end up in one anyway. Possessive people are manipulative because they study people patiently. If you date an obsessive girl, before you can say Jack Robbins, she is already planning how both of you will raise a family.

It is better to be observant and leave such a person before she sinks her claws into you. Getting out from under her thumb is significantly more difficult than playing it safe and leaving her first. Once you’re sure you don’t want a committed relationship with a girl, break things off.

6. She enjoys catching you off-guard

You shouldn’t be in relationships with possessive women who want to see if you’ll fail. If she is always doing things to catch you by surprise, you’ll lack peace of mind. 

A relationship where you have no free time to yourself because you’re always on your toes promises to be mostly unpleasant. If she’s ever ready to say “you snoozed, you lost!”, you might want to rethink dating her.

Yes, unpredictability can make a relationship interesting, but too much of it will make things chaotic. You should know what your girl can do at any given time, even if she can be spontaneous too. Balance is necessary if you’re to live an enjoyable life, or have a sustainable relationship. 

7. She sets up tests for you

If she plays games that are meant to test your love and loyalty to her, you’re in an obsessive relationship. If her jealousy pushes her to put on the hot seat just to see if you’ll burn, you should pull out before you get burned. For example, such a woman can send a fake friend request to see if you’ll bite.

She is the kind of woman who will plan to have her friend seduce you in person to test your commitment to her.

She can go to the extent of making you fall for her, then she’ll sweep the rug from under you by telling you it was a test all along. This pattern of behavior is sort of narcissistic too, so steer clear of such a woman.

8. She tells you what to wear

she tells you what to wear

If your girl dictates how you should dress, she is a control freak. She will take over other parts of your life if you allow her. It’s okay if she suggests a dressing style she’d love to see you in, but to make you feel stupid for not wearing her choice is terrible.

Put your foot down, or walk away if she doesn’t stop trying to control you. You’ll eventually find out that it isn’t just about your clothes, but that she wants everything about you.

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9. She is only emotionally available when she wants

A broken family can make your partner possessive, but you don’t need to bear the brunt of her defective foundation forever. A possessive girlfriend thinks she can do what she wants with you, and get away with it. Nobody trained or loved her the way you were probably raised, so she is selfish and rude. She only communicates when she wants something. 

Instead of her talking about her feelings, she leaves you guessing her thoughts. Yet, she lashes at you when you guess wrongly. Suggest that she sees a therapist if you think you can be with her despite her shortcomings. 

10. Always the first to comment on your social media accounts

A possessive girlfriend is always stalking your social media account. She is the first to like, comment, or share your posts. Mind you, she can just be a supportive partner, but the other things she does on your social media platforms will determine if that’s all there is to it.

If she goes through your social media activities only to accuse you of giving attention to other girls, she is obsessed with you. It is not exactly ideal to block your girl on social media. So, you might want to tell her you don’t appreciate her policing you on social media. If she doesn’t stop, you have a problem.

11. Always threatening to break off the relationship

If your girl is always threatening to end the relationship but never does, she is a possessive girlfriend. The truth is, she cannot do without you or the relationship. And no, this isn’t exactly a good thing. She is telling you that only she can end the relationship. People with the fixed mindset that if they cannot have a particular person, no one else will are dangerous. 

Some of them are simply irritating, but the rest can be quite troublesome. It is best to detect such traits early on rather than trying to manage the situation at a later stage. The only option might be to break up with the girl after noticing this pattern of communication a few times.

12. She is physically violent

A possessive woman can become physically violent. Most people think only male possessive partners are dangerous. However, obsessive women can be just as dangerous. The moment she starts breaking your gadgets, throwing things at you, or slapping you, you’re in an abusive relationship. 

Don’t say that because you’re a man, you can take the abuse. Don’t make excuses for her because she is a girl. Report her to the police, end the whole thing, then get a restraining order if she doesn’t leave you alone. 

Someday, she can do something significantly harmful to you if you keep enabling her. You certainly shouldn’t keep such information from your family because they might be the only ones to help you get away from her.

13. She is verbally toxic

If she attacks you with words meant to tear you down emotionally, your relationship is toxic. What makes a relationship healthy isn’t just what your partner does, it is also what she says. Your self-esteem can also take a hit, man or not. 

When you notice that your girl is using explicit negative language all in the name of expressing her feelings for you, let her know you don’t like it. 

If she persists, then you know it’s who she is. For example, if she calls you her bitch or son of a bitch, and you don’t find it amusing, tell her. If she gives you negative tags that always put you in a bad mood, you should break up with her.

14. She doesn’t feel secure if you’re not there

she doesn't feel secure if you're not there

A possessive woman doesn’t respect your personal space because she feels entitled to your time and energy. She will want to spend every waking moment with you because she has unrealistic expectations and ideas of what a relationship should be. She says she only feels safe in your arms. She is dependent on you for every little thing she needs. 

She interrupts you even when you’re spending time with your family. She pretends she is already your forever partner, therefore there’s nothing wrong with crashing your family meetings. Eventually, she will suck the life out of you if you don’t create a distance between you and her.

15. Threatens to harm herself if you leave her

A woman who threatens to kill or hurt herself because you can’t be with her anymore is not just a possessive woman, but she is also not normal. Rather than just ignore her, you’d better start believing that she will continue to hold that idea over your head if you don’t free yourself first.

This is a horrible relationship to stay in, but you cannot just leave her either. She is mentally unstable, or intentionally narcissistic. Get the help of your family, friends, and professional therapists. Handling such a woman and the sensitive situation on your own can boomerang in your face. 

Sometimes, you have to stoop to the level of an obsessive person to get your freedom. Play along until you can hand her over to the people who will take care of her.

16. Constantly checks your phone without your consent

In possessive relationships, partners assume control over everything, including their partner’s phones. If your girl is always checking your private messages, it’s clear she doesn’t trust you. If she is always replying to your messages or receiving your calls, you need to stop her. 

If you’re not careful, she will insult your boss or business partners, thinking they are your other friends she doesn’t know about. Women like that blame their actions on jealousy when you catch them. If she is always lying to cover up her sneaking mission, she might ruin something good for you someday soon.

17. Always cries to get what she wants

A possessive girlfriend will not hesitate to manipulate you with her tears. If she knows you care so much and hate to see her sad, she will use the power she has over you to manipulate you. When you try to say no to any of her desires, she will quickly turn to tears to get what she wants.

There’s nothing sweet about a woman who cannot say what she wants or negotiate for her needs without becoming a watering can. Women have enough natural charm to wrangle their desires from men. You will know when tears are real, or stages of you observing her for a while.


What does it mean when a girl is possessive?

She will want to spend all day with you, which is unreasonable. Even if you’re a retired billionaire, you still need to have a life outside of your relationship. 

How do you know if a girl is jealous of another girl?

If she doesn’t want you to spend time with that particular girl or is always saying terrible things about her, she is jealous.

What are the signs of possessive behavior?

When a girl is clingy and makes it her life mission to tell everyone who her boyfriend is in a gathering. If she is always leaving nasty replies to other girls’ comments under her boyfriend’s posts or is rude to any girl in his life. If she acts like her boyfriend’s sister is also her rival, she is obsessed with him.

What do you do when your girlfriend is possessive?

You step back from her, then give her the choice of slowing down or ending the relationship. If she chooses the former, she might change. If she doesn’t change, you’ll have to do the latter – end the relationship. 

Do guys like possessive girlfriends?

It makes some guys feel good that their girls are intense, so close to them or within reach most of the time. However, the fun of an intense relationship wanes when the girl starts acting obsessive and unreasonable.

In Conclusion

Possessive nature isn’t completely bad if it is expressed in a controlled manner. Control, ability, and will are some of the things that separate humans from animals. The moment someone tries to control another person’s life, they become obsessive. 

Knowing your partner’s level of expression will save you from unnecessary headaches or even physical danger. It’s best to have an honest conversation. If it continues, feel free to leave as it’s not a healthy relationship. 

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.

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