20 Ways on How to Tell If Your Friend is Lying to You

by Michelle Devani

The strong foundation for every relationship is a sense of trust. We believe each other that's why still together. Not only for man and woman relationship, but this also applies on friendship. Keeping a good relationship with a friend requires honesty and sincerity. But human is nowhere to be perfect.

There were times when we make mistakes and want to cover them up. We also have a privacy which we don't want anyone to know about. Those two will end us up in a lie. We make up stories to cover our secrets and, even if we don't want it, we lie to our friend.

Nobody wants to fall in a liar's trap, especially when it was made by our friend. Unfortunately, in the name of trust we don't really aware that our friend is lying. Maybe she is such a good liar or maybe you let it pass because she is your friend. But you shouldn't tolerate it so easily. Lying can be a very bad habit if the actor feels safe to do it.

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Here are some simple tactics on how to tell if your friend is lying:

1. Ask about small little details

Human gifted with a good photographic memory which enable us to remember shape and colors. Those details were automatically recorded by the brain, and liar will omit all of these small details. She often goes with the bigger picture in general situations.

Your friend claimed she had been in a restaurant, which you suspect it is not true. Ask her about what the chair and tables look like, what menus served in the restaurant and what did she order at the time, how the waiters dressed. This unexpected question will get her flustered.

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2. See if she deep down in thoughts

Liar who making up a story will think hard to make it as realistic as possible. She tries her best not to show it but some body languages come out naturally. Such as pausing in the middle of her speech, gasping, rephrasing and correcting errors.

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3. Listen to where her sentence going

No matter how smooth a liar has planned her speech, there must be some flaws in it that she herself unaware of. People who is telling lie tend to use open sentences that open to multiple interpretation, not pointing a certain matter and not involving herself in it. Whereas people who tell the truth will sound certain and affiliates herself with the situation.

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4. Find out when she dodge some questions

Rather than telling lie, she prefer to dodge your questions in the first place. She didn't respond to you directly and to the point. Instead, she talk about other irrelevant things and change the direction of the topic. But before making a judgement, you have to consider whether she is usually indirect. If not, then something off.

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5. Match her stories

Well, how to tell if your friend is lying? To know whether your friend is lying or not, compare her story with the one she told you before. Try to ask her a questions about some stories she told you in the past, and see if her stories match one another. If you find something miss, then she may lied before or she has just lying at the moment.

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6. Search through your memories

For liars, its pretty hard to make up stories on the spot, so she will rather retell stories form the past. Creating fake experiences is hard because she need to go through all the little details. She might tell you a story from last night that is suspiciously similar with the one she had told you before.

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7. Create a collusion

This tactics will do if you think two of your friends team up to lied to you. Psychological studies showed that people who worked together to make up some lies won't interrupting or correcting when the others talk. She would stay quiet while her partner is crafting stories. Let them speak one by one, ask one of them to repeat the other's story. If the story were not truth, she won't be able to repeat the other's lie.

8. Throw a "bait"

Say you are testing your friend's honesty. You suspect she was in a restaurant last night, but you're not sure either. Fortunately, your mutual friend was also there but didn't know it. If she insisted in saying no, tell her your friend was there too and saw her. Press her using the mutual friend until she is telling the truth, even if you didn't meet one. That's how to tell if your friend is lying.

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9. Create a baseline

You can tell if your friend is lying because she behave differently that usual. Before accusing her for that, it's important for you to create a baseline. This baseline define how she act in normal circumstances. How she usually speaks and the body languages she show during the talk. Firstly, ask her about a simple question. "How are you feeling?" for example. By her answer along with her tone and facial expression you'll know whether she is lying or not.

10. Watch her feet

People who tells lies will be fidgeting for no reason. It show that she is in a nervous mode and her body responds automatically. See how she positioned her feet. There is a big difference between someone who is relax and nervous. She will shake her feet, tapping them on the floor, or cross it and uncross it several times.

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11. She prolonged eye contact with you

When people is not lying, she will talk in a relax and casual manner as she has nothing to lose. But when she is lying, she will try to convince and make you believe that her words were true. She stares at you for a long time with a determining eyes, hoping that it will radiating how much she wants you to believe her. Only liars afraid that someone might not believe her.

12. Check if she's sweating

In your favorite detective movies, people tend to sweat more when they lied. In a stressful situations, your body temperature rises and resulting in excessive sweats. Try to hold your friend's hand while she's talking as if you show some sympathy or happiness. Something smells fishy if it did wet.

13. Notice when she paused

A liar will need sometime to make a sequence of events so that she sounds more convincing. She will take a long pause between her talk to think about it. Throw some questions that she didn't prepare the answer before and see how much the time she needs to think.

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14. Check the consistency of the story

When you feel unsure about your friend's honesty even just a little, ask her to repeat the story she just finished. If the story was true, she find no difficulty and won't hesitate to retell you. But if she did lie, she might forgot some details and add another. The differences is indication that she lied.

15. Notice the tone of surprise

This happen when someone doesn't expect some question. Listen closely to the tone of surprise after you ask questions and how she staggered a little. She might say, "Oh... yeah... um..." It's how she fill the space because she need to carefully think about her answer.

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16. Use of excessive honesty

Beside the pierce on the eye that likely create a hole, a liar has another way to convince you. She will repeat the words "honestly", "trust me", "I'm saying the truth" to insists that she is not lying. This excessive proclaim of honesty means something is wrong with the story.

17. She keeps her answer short

A true story would be complicated and long, but all realistic and make sense. Even a very good liar will never be able to make such story so she choose to make her answer simple. She will never use the connecting word "and", "but", "although" and "however".

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18. She talks really slowly

A person who tells the truth would speak smoothly in a normal pace. She won't thinking much about what to say because all she said was the truth. Things will be different with the one who lies, where she would talk very slowly. She needs more time to edit the story so that it seems real and keeping its consistency. She paused often in the middle of the sentences as if thinking what to say next.

19. She leaves negative comments out of her sentences

A liar will be trying so hard to make a good impressions, so she won't make any negative comments or complaining with the situation. If she appears to be positive, then it will make everyone around her to believe her story.

Those are simple tactics how to tell if your friend is lying to you. Do not judge you friend, but approach her slowly and find out the reason why she should lie to her own friends. Maybe she simply want to protect her privacy. Always be positive.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.