What To Do When You Don’t Like Your Brother’s Girlfriend (11 Ways To Handle The Situation)

Last updated on June 13, 2024 by Michelle Devani

If you come from a close-knit family, you will be used to being involved in everyone’s business. If you have loved ones, you wouldn’t want to be away from them for so long without any communication. When you happen to be the oldest sibling, you consider it a duty to look after the well-being of the rest of the family. 

Even when your brothers and sisters become old enough to enter relationships or start dating, you still feel responsible for their happiness. However, it is easy to forget that there is a boundary that draws the line between care and possessiveness. Parents normally find it hard to completely let go of their kids no matter how grown up they are

This feeling of possessiveness and ‘wanting the best for their son' is the reason why many parents want to have a say in who their children get married to. Most guys would most likely not mind the kind of girl their brother is dating as long as he seems happy with her. 

However, if you’ve contracted the overprotective bug from your parents, you might discover that you stand in the gap for them sometimes.

Are you having difficulty trusting your brother’s girlfriend? Do you think there’s something shady about the way your brother’s girlfriend acts? Are you unsure of how to handle the situation? 

Read this article to the end to see 11 ways to handle your dislike for your brother’s girlfriend. 

Contents

11 Things to Do When You Don’t Like Your Brother’s Girlfriend

1. Why don’t you like her?

Before you allow a full-fledged hatred for your brother’s girlfriend to show, ask yourself why you hate her. Hate is even a strong word to use to describe your feelings for someone you barely know. However, it is possible to dislike someone even before you know who they truly are. 

It will be a huge mistake to express hatred for someone special to your brother. A girl who might become a part of your family isn’t someone you want to start on the wrong foot with. Put aside your initial irritation with her, and consider what it is you don’t like about her. 

When you do this, you’ll know the next step to take. If your hatred was based on a lack of sufficient knowledge, you will be more open to knowing her without passing the wrong judgment

2. Did you know her from somewhere before?

Have you met your brother’s girlfriend before? If yes, it must have been under unpleasant circumstances. Else, why would you feel hatred for a girl who makes your brother happy?

Under what circumstance did you meet her? Was it so bad that you cannot tell your brother? For example, if you caught her in a sexually compromising position with another man, it might be hard to get that image out of your head. 

However, you need to be realistic and admit that was a different situation. She is now with your brother, and you cannot accuse her of infidelity when she is faithful to your brother. 

If this is the case, you need to speak with your brother’s girlfriend before talking to your brother. Clear the air with her so that the relationship between both of you will be smoother. Afterward, you can talk to your brother about it. You can even decide to bury that hatchet without your brother talking to him about the matter.

3. You think your brother deserves a better girl.

If your brother hasn’t always been the best judge of the characters of the girls he dated in the past, you might get skeptical of every new girl he introduces. If he had been hurt by similar girls from his past relationships, it is normal for you to think he’s making another mistake.

However, if your brother says this is his best relationship so far, it will be hard to convince him otherwise. If he sounds like he believes it, you will need to give the relationship time. Don’t conclude that this will be another toxic relationship until the girl proves it is one. 

The past might have been full of hurt for your brother, and you’re worried you’ll have to listen to more sob stories from him. However, this new girl might be his future.

4. Be civil with her.

At some point, you will have to deal with your brother’s girlfriend. You cannot avoid her forever, especially if your brother plans to marry her. She will eventually move on from being his girlfriend to being his wife. As his wife, she will be a bonafide member of your family.

If you intend to dissuade your brother from getting married to a woman you think is bad for him, you cannot convince him by being rude to her. If it turns out that she isn’t a bad person, you’ll destroy any form of friendship you might develop with her in the future. You might also lose your best friend, your brother. So, it is better to be civil despite your distaste for her. 

5. Ask for another person’s opinion. 

ask for another person's opinion

If you want to avoid bias and see reasons clearly, it is better to talk to another person about how you feel towards your brother’s girlfriend. Approach a mutual friend of yours and your brother, someone who knows both of you well enough. If you trust this person to tell the truth, they won’t hesitate to be honest with you.

It could be a family member such as your sister, or a close friend if you don’t want any biased opinion. This person’s sincerity will also reflect their affection for your brother. As such, they will give you balanced advice that you cannot contest. 

They will see what you couldn’t see in your blind dislike for your brother’s girlfriend. When the facts are clear, you’ll be able to decide if you were right to hate her in the first place or not.

6. Speak to your brother about your worries. 

Another approach to dealing with this sticky situation is, to be honest with your sibling about it. You cannot simply hope the problem will go away with time. What if your hatred for your brother’s girlfriend doesn’t dissipate? Would you want to have that huge burden on your mind forever?

Sit your sibling down and tell him about your misgivings. Explain why you don’t like or trust his woman and hope he will not hold your honesty against you. You know him very well. So, approach him at a time you know he will be more receptive to whatever you have to say. 

For example, go to his house if that’s where he is most relaxed. It is even best to avoid a public confrontation. 

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7. Do you want her for yourself?

If you met or introduced this woman to your sibling first, you might dislike her because you like her. Contradictory much right? However, your attraction for her would explain why you can’t stand seeing her with your sibling. If you introduced her to him only for them to start dating, it will leave you feeling wounded.

Your sibling is probably a nice guy just like you, but unfortunately, he made the first move. You will need to accept the reality that she cannot be yours, no matter how much you hate the situation. If you don’t want to lose two friends, it’s best if you become genuinely happy about their relationship.

8. Don’t create drama.

Whatever you have against your brother’s girlfriend, don’t try to create unnecessary drama. Don’t take steps behind your sibling that can destroy your brother’s relationship or cause a rift in your family. 

Trying to cause a breakup between them is just you looking for trouble. If she is unfit for your sibling as you thought, the truth will eventually surface. There is no guarantee that if you create drama, the relationship will end. For all you know, it might become even stronger while you lose your closeness with your sibling.

Rather than risk the peace in your family, handle the issue with more tact. If you are careful with your investigations and try to make your sibling see reasons the right way, things will be resolved sooner. 

9. Consider her as your sister.

What would you do if your sister was hated by her boyfriend’s brother? Would you support the hate or try to make the other person see the good in your sister? Sometimes, it is best to put yourself in the other person’s shoes before judging them. If your brother’s girlfriend offended you before she came into your brother’s life, you might have a preconceived judgment for her.

Imagine that your sister’s boyfriend is doing what you’re doing; not giving the girl any chance to prove herself. How do you think your sister will feel? You certainly will not stand by while someone mistreats your sister. Switching positions with your brother’s girlfriend will give room for empathy and understanding.

10. Try to spend some time with her.

try to spend some time with her

Spending time with someone you dislike might not be your first option, but it allows you to change your wrong opinions. If your brother’s girlfriend turns out to be a good person who will continue to make him happen, you won’t know unless you spend time with her. 

By the time you know the kind of person she is, you might even be the one championing her cause. You might be the one pushing for your sibling to marry her.

However, you won’t know her worth or worthiness if you don’t give her a chance to prove her intentions. If your opinions about your brother’s girlfriend are to change, you need to start seeing her as a worthy partner for your sibling. Over time, you’ll be able to measure her level of worthiness.

11. Tell her why you don’t like her.

A direct approach can sometimes solve an issue that you’ve been agonizing over for a long time. Rather than giving your brother’s girlfriend an attitude, why not approach her with your opinions? The outcome might be unpleasant, or it could turn out well. You wouldn’t know until you try. 

Both of you might surprise each other by developing some level of fondness for the other person. Approaching her with judgment in your heart will only make matters worse. That way, you won’t take her words out of context. 

FAQ

What to do when you hate your sibling’s partner?

Don’t tell your sibling immediately that you don’t like his girlfriend. He will not take that opinion well. You may keep your distance from the couple to avoid blurring out your hatred at the slightest contact with her.

How do I rebuild my relationship with my brother?

You can save your friendship with your sibling by saying sorry if you were the offending party. If he committed the offense, try to be patient with him even before he apologizes. If you give him an attitude in return, pride can prevent him from apologizing.

How do you know when your family doesn't love you?

It is rare to see families who don’t like each other. If your family members cannot express affection in physical ways, you can easily conclude they don’t love you. If your folks don’t show up for you at all when you need them, they don’t care enough. 

How do I stop hating my family?

Understand that family is what you make it. If your blood relatives don’t seem to love you, create a family of your own. That way, there will be less room for hatred to thrive. 

Is it okay to not talk to your siblings?

It isn’t ideal to not communicate with your loved ones for a lengthy period. Everyone might get busy once in a while and stop regular communication. However, the love you all share will always open communication lines over and over again.

In Conclusion

Your distaste for your brother’s girlfriend is your cup of tea, and it might not influence your brother’s decision in the end. However, if your concern is genuine and founded, going the right way to change your brother’s mind is better than bulldozing your way into their lives. Or trying to break up their relationship.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.

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