Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Not Over His Baby Mama (21 Sure Signs to Watch Out For)

Last updated on April 12, 2024 by Michelle Devani

Does your boyfriend have a child from a previous relationship? 

Does his baby mama like to keep in frequent contact with him? 

And are you worried that there might still be a spark of romance between her and your partner? 

This guide will help you decipher whether this is the case. It features 21 of the clearest signs that your boyfriend is still in love with his baby mama. 

But before we explore these signs, I need to let you know about the most effective way to get to the bottom of this mystery. 

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You’ll be able to see what apps he’s using, what websites he’s signed up to and what alternate contact information he has registered.

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There’s no way for him to even suspect he’s being tracked either. So, if you want to put this paranoia about your partner and his baby mama to bed, I’d recommend you download this tool right now.

With that said, here are 21 signs that you should be worried about their ongoing relationship.


21 Sure Signs He’s Still In Love With His Baby Momma

Regardless of how long his last relationship with his ex or his baby mama lasted, your boyfriend is supposed to make his kid and you the priority over his baby momma. However, if he begins to act in strange ways in any situation that involves his baby mama, you might need to pay attention to any red flag his actions portray.

While it is only normal to understand that he will always have a sort of connection with his baby mama, you also need to stake your claim as his new and only girl. Your boyfriend wouldn’t easily fess up about whether he is still in love with his baby mama or if he’s just acting his part as her baby daddy.

As such, you need to be the smart one and be alert to the signs that your boyfriend is not over his baby mama. Read on for 21 signs your man is still in love with his ex who is also his baby mama.

1. They hold a conversation longer than is necessary

A baby mama and baby daddy relationship is supposed to involve communication and activities surrounding the children they have together. The moment your partner is having a conversation that is lasting longer than is necessary for a given situation, this is a red flag and one of the signs your man is not yet over her.

Except for a critical situation that involves their child, your man and his child’s mom should have no reason to have a lengthy discussion, especially not without you. If you have been noticing this trend popping up in your relationship, you shouldn’t take it as one of those things, else, you’ll find yourself without a boyfriend soonest.

2. They are co-parenting like a real couple

they are co-parenting like a real couple

As parents to their children, it is normal for your man to act his part as a father while his baby mama does hers as a mother. However, there is a limit to the way separated parents will act like a couple just for the sake of their child. 

When your man begins to act like he and his child’s mom are a real couple by taking her out many times or having family picnics with or without you, you should be alarmed because you might be gradually becoming the third wheel in the relationship. 

Don’t begrudge them of their parenting rights but don’t be ignorant of the signs that your man might still love her either. 

3. He cares for her beyond the acceptable level

When a man who claims to be solely devoted to you begins to extend his care towards his baby mama (beyond what is acceptable), you can’t afford to pretend that all is well in your relationship.

Yes, you knew your guy came with a package; his child, but he also has a responsibility to you which is rendered false when he shows his child’s mom more care than any woman can tolerate. As his girl, your care should be his priority; after his child of course. Also, any care he pays his child’s mom should be out of his humanity and duty to her as the father of her child.

4. He appears too defensive of her

If you’re in a relationship with a man who has kids with his ex, you need to be prepared for possible disagreements that will arise. However, if your man seems to take sides with his child’s mom more than he does with you, he’s simply telling you, “You don’t have the right to speak to the mother of my children like that”.

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He might not say it that way. However, every time he acts too defensive of her instead of judging the situation rightly or protecting you, he is saying he can only defend you when you start popping out his children too. 

5. Your guy meets with her only in your absence

Every relationship should have boundaries that put each partner in check. In a complicated one that involves kids and a baby mama, there should not just be boundaries but also ground rules to avoid misunderstanding and constant quarrels.

One of such rules you and your man should set is that he cannot meet with his child’s mom without your knowledge. The fact is, if tables turn, men would be jealous and suspicious of a woman meeting with her baby daddy without their knowledge.

It’s not about monitoring your man, it’s about transparency and trust. If he constantly meets with his baby momma without letting you know, there’s something fishy.

6. He and his child’s mother vacation together

Is it normal for your guy to spend time with his child and his baby mama? Yes, but it is so not okay for them to go on out-of-town trips when it’s not necessary. You have already accepted that you are cool with his child and you will tolerate the mother of his child in his life.

However, you don’t have to gullibly accept that they can be that close as to take vacations or weekend trips together without you, even if their child is with them. Again, it’s only a critical situation such as the medical condition of their child that can make it a bit acceptable that they travel together. 

7. They keep in touch too much

they keep in touch too much

One of the reasons a guy would allow his baby mama to have any say in what he does with his life is because of their child. As such, the woman would want to make sure the man isn’t doing anything that could harm their child. However, this doesn’t mean she has to be blowing up his phone every second.

If you have observed an incessant level of communication between your man and his ex, you should be concerned. If you are okay with her interfering in your life and relationship, draw the lines as to how much communication is too much.

If he encourages her constant attention, it is one of the signs that your boyfriend is not over his child’s mom and you might need to check out of the relationship.

8. He pays her more attention when y’all are together 

Having a complex relationship that involves a baby mama means you have to include the other woman in your life; whether you like it or not. Rejecting your man’s baby mama is almost the same as rejecting your boyfriend’s child and you don’t want to do that.

As such, you’ll need to spend time with both his child’s mom and his child. However, if he seems to pay more attention to his baby mama more than he does to you, there is a problem and you should let him know you’re not alright with it.

9. He seems to have reasons to touch her

Of all the signs that will alert you to the possibility that your man is still hung up on his baby mama, exchange of physical touches between both of them is still the most obvious. To a large extent, touching between the both of them is unavoidable but when your man starts to invent reasons to touch his baby mama, it means he still craves physical intimacy with her.

This particular sign is one you might not be able to overlook because physical touch leads to sex and sex is a great bond that can revive feelings in the ex-couple.

10. He takes her advice more than he listens to you

As his woman, you should be the first person he approaches for advice or opinions about the happenings in his life. If he does the opposite of this and turns to his ex more than he does to you, there is a big problem. The fact is, if he takes her good advice to heart, he will also accept her opinion which is against your interest to heart.

If you ignore such signs, you will be left out of the important decisions being taken in this complicated family dynamic. And before you know it they’ll both say they are considering giving their relationship another try

11. He asks you to excuse them sometimes

If whenever she visits he asks you to excuse them so they can have a private conversation, that should tell you that you’re not as important to him as the mother of his child. Even if they were once married and he respects her, you are now the one in his life and he should respect that fact and include you in the discussion. 

Since he will still tell you about whatever they discuss, why ask you to excuse them in the first place? Except he isn’t over her and is looking for a way to get back together, he should allow you to be more present in their discussions than he asks you to leave them alone.

12. He runs to her rescue every time

When your man runs to his ex whenever she beckons, no questions asked, there is a problem and it will affect your relationship in the long run. There is no problem with your man helping his ex-girlfriend or wife once in a while. But when he answers her while disregarding your concern, your connection with him is in jeopardy. 

Point out to him the instances he had done this and see if he will adjust. If he doesn’t, it means he still wants her back. 

13. He appears to be more relaxed with her

If you have been with this man for a long time yet, he seems to prefer the company of his ex-girlfriend, you have no business being with him. He won’t be too obvious with this sign because he understands how crushed you’ll be if you find out.

Nevertheless, you will know if he is more relaxed in your presence or that of the mother of his child. If his love for you is lesser than the bond he shares with her, there’s no way to compete with that. 

14. He can’t seem to stop talking about her

There is nothing wrong if your guy talks about how amazing the mother of his child is but when he can’t seem to stop shouting her praises, that’s not okay. When he speaks so highly of her that you seem to pale in comparison and you start feeling insecure about everything, you might need to talk with him. He is either ignorant of what he’s doing or still in love with her. 

15. He subtly compares you with his ex

he subtly compares you with his ex

This is different from him merely singing her praises because he uses words that put you and his ex-girlfriend side by side. This particular sign might be subtle because he will sneak in the comparison in the middle of conversations, but you’ll notice it all the same. 

Except you are okay with being compared to a lady who has a stronger stake in his life because of their child, you need to speak up or leave them alone.

16. He relates more with her family than yours

If he was married to this lady who had a child for him, it means he will still have strong ties with her family. The presence of a child will increase the strength of that connection because the kid will have cousins and other relatives to relate with.

While this connection is normal, your man should also be focused on growing a stronger connection with your family since you’re the only girl in his life now. If you realize that he isn’t making much effort to relate with your family, he isn’t serious about you as he is about his ex-girlfriend’s family. 

17. Some of her stuff is still at his place

Why on earth should his ex’s things still be in his home, even though they have a child together? If their union is over likehe claims, there’s no reason he shouldn’t want to part with the rest of her items.

If he keeps giving you promises that he will throw them away or return them to her but doesn’t live up to his promises, he most likely wants her back.

18. He claims that they are just best friends

The convenient lie a potential cheater tells is the ‘we are just friends’ lie and this falsehood can come in any form. For your man, this lie is convenient because he once loved this lady enough to father her child. As such, you will believe him when he says they are only friends.

However, when he says they are best friends, you should be wary because such a connection between your guy and his ex-girlfriend can mean trouble for you. For your peace of mind, it’s either you give him an ultimatum to limit his contact with her or initiate a breakup.

19. He acts jealous whenever she has a date

Another big red flag you can’t ignore is when your partner appears jealous whenever he hears that his child’s mom is going on a date. It’s none of his business since he has you, why should he act jealous? 

For example, if he changes plans of who is keeping the child because his ex-gf has a date, it’s a clear sign he doesn’t want her seeing anybody else.

There is no excuse he can give you in that scenario that will sound plausible and so, don’t let his lies make you ignore this sign that he blatantly shows that he wants his ex-gf back. 

20. He allows her to sleep over sometimes

 If he still allows her to keep some of her things at his place and she pops in whenever she wants, he may allow her to sleep over sometimes too. Of course, he will use their child as a weak chaperone to claim they are behaving themselves but can your heart take such a shaky truth?

Whether you are there whenever she sleeps over or not, it’s not right for your guy to harbor a lady who isn’t you, especially not someone he had a history with. 

21. He seems to be avoiding the next step with you

he seems to be avoiding the next step with you

When there is a baby momma in the picture and your guy isn’t making any move to take your relationship to the next level (especially if you’ve been together for a long time), he might be ready to pull the rug from under you by going back to her. 

The chances of him going back to his ex-gf increase with some of the other signs that he exhibits.


How do you know if he’s not over his ex?

He will call her constantly, create reasons to see her and make up excuses when you question his actions. He will take her calls or text her in secret when he isn’t supposed to have her number saved in the first place.

How do I trust my boyfriend with his baby mama?

The agreement between you and your man will determine whether you can trust him with the mother of his child. If there is no existing agreement that will assure or put your mind at ease, there’s no guarantee that you can trust both of them.

How do you deal with baby mama drama in a relationship?

The baby-mama drama is inevitable if you are in love with the father of her child. However, if you can make your man put his child’s mother in her place, you won’t need to involve yourself in too much trouble.

How do you know if your boyfriend still has feelings for you?

Even if he’s mad at you he’ll still do things that show he cares about you. He might ignore you but he won’t cut you off completely or treat you badly.

Why does he still talk to his ex?

If they have a child or joint business together, your man still has a reason to talk to his ex-girlfriend. However, if none of these things tie them together, he is talking to her because he wants to get back with her.

In Conclusion 

The baby mama situation is a tricky one you should have been ready for right from the onset, but if you weren’t and start noticing some of the signs listed in this post, it’s not too late to correct things and have a peaceful life devoid of unnecessary drama.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.

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