Signs Your Boyfriend Doesn't Find You Attractive Anymore (27 Heartbreaking Signs)

Last updated on June 11, 2022 by Michelle Devani

Are you worried that your man has lost interest in you?

Do you fear that your relationship is breaking down because of this? 

Maybe you think it’s going to be ‘game over’ unless you do something to change it.

If so, this guide could be of assistance.

It features 27 signs that your boyfriend doesn’t find you attractive anymore and some useful ideas for what to do in this situation.

However, before I reveal these 27 problematic signs, it’s very important for you to read and understand the following sentences.

If your boyfriend is showing signs that he isn’t attracted to you anymore, there’s every chance that he’s engaging in romantic relations with another woman. 

It’s important for you to know whether this is the case or not. You may have to do different things to save your relationship if there’s another woman on the scene. That’s if you want to save it all at this point!

By knowing what’s going on with your boyfriend when you’re not around, you’ll be in the best possible position to save your relationship. 

That’s why I want to introduce you to this powerful and discreet online communications tracker.   

This tool only needs a handful of your boyfriend’s most basic personal details to get started. 

Once it has these, it can get to work on generating a detailed report of his recent communications. 

You’ll discover: 

  • who he’s been communicating with the most;
  • whether he’s downloaded any dating apps;
  • what other online service he’s using;
  • whether he has any secret contact numbers;
  • plus a whole lot more...

If you think this tool will help create peace of mind as far as your boyfriend’s behavior, click here to download it

Read on for my list of signs that he isn’t attracted to you anymore.

Remember when people say first impression matters? Well, that's because the first thing that people see when they see someone new is usually their appearance. This is also the thing that can lock one’s heart in place throughout the relationship. But what if your partner has grown out of it?

Many cases of a relationship breakdown happen because of the loss of interest, particularly in the physical appearance. Don’t be blindsided, you need to know if he is acting that way firsthand.

27 Sure-Fire Signs Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Find You Attractive Anymore

Many people who have been together for a while can attest to being victims of the unkindness of time; it often starts with one partner finding the other boring, unfulfilling, and unattractive. This does not necessarily mean that your partner no longer loves you. It could mean a shift in how they feel about you.

While it is true that all relationships go through phases of love and drought, a prolonged phase of feeling undesired and unattractive by your lover can be signs of an impending downfall of a relationship. 

You see, the attraction between two people is a vital part of romantic relationships. It is the initial force that pulls two people together and helps them maintain a robust relationship.

Fortunately, as women, we are often the first to notice a shift in the dynamics of our relationship or our partner's behavior. The reason is that many of us are observers and thinkers. Your ability to identify the signs that your boyfriend or husband doesn't find you attractive can go a long way to save your relationship

This is why I have curated this list of 27 signs. So let's get into it and see how many of these signs apply to your situation and possible ways to go about tackling them. 

1. He doesn't compliment you

While we can all agree that not everyone is great at expressing themselves with words, there can only be limited reasons why a man who showered you with compliments at the start of your relationship struggles to do so now. These reasons could range anywhere from he is too busy to the obvious: he no longer finds you attractive. 

Everyone likes to receive a compliment now and then. It signifies that we are noticed and appreciated. So when your lover ceases to compliment you, it means that he no longer sees you, and you may want to talk to him about it. 

Do you feel like he kind of takes you for granted?
Unfortunately this is one of the most frequent complaints we get from our readers, where they feel they aren't a priority for their boyfriend or husband. They always seem to have some excuse as to why they can't spend some quality time with you like they used to.

To see if he actually likes you take this quick free quiz and we'll let you know if it's worth putting any more time into this guy.

2. He doesn't kiss you passionately

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but did you know a kiss can convey a more detailed message. Kissing in relationships is one of the most intimate acts of affection a man can display because it allows him to embrace intimacy and shows that he is still attracted to you. So when a man goes from giving you passionate kisses to quick perks, it's a red flag.

You can start by having a self-check, but if you confirm your oral hygiene is okay, you can have a conversation. Maybe he has other areas of concern.

3. No physical affection

no physical affection

As contradictory as this may seem, it is possible for someone to love you without being attracted to you anymore, and a clear-cut sign is how his touch feels. For instance, he might still be caring and tuck you in bed, make you breakfast when you are feeling down, or run his hand through your hair when you cuddle with him. However, he no longer sneaks his hand under your shirt while cuddling or gives you random pecks. 

His actions now feel more mechanical as opposed to intimate. They are probably actions he is used to, and as such, it is easy for him to perform without feeling any emotions.

4. He doesn't stare at you affectionately

If your guy used to randomly steal glances at you and smile, it, no doubt, shows how attracted he is to you. When a guy finds you attractive, it is easy to see from the looks in his eyes. He steals, glances at you, and looks at you with wonder and excitement. 

If you have no clue what this look could be, think back to when you first met and remember the way his eyes twinkled every time you speak or laugh. He was attracted to you then, and now that the sparks are no longer in his eyes. It means there is a decline in how attractive he considers you to be.

5. He spends a lot of time away from home

When a man finds his girlfriend to be unattractive, he might choose to reduce how much time he spends with her. Perhaps, he feels he needs time away to think and believes she won't notice his persistent absence.

If your husband keeps making up excuses as to why he has to be away from home, this might be a red flag and you should trust your gut. He is probably spending more time with friends than he is with you and taking up more work, so he gets to finish late and delays returning home. 

Of course, as a supportive lover, you should be happy to see him spend time with his friends and commit to his work. However, when it continues for a long time, it means he is trying to avoid you.

6. Flirts with other women

Irrespective of what stage your relationship is in, couples should be able to flirt with each other while staying committed. However, when it seems everyone and everybody else is getting your boyfriend's attention, then something is off. It means there is something else out there that he is looking for that he doesn't see in you.

Flirting while in a relationship is disrespectful and worrying, especially if he does it openly. It means he doesn't mind going out of his way to show that he lost interest in you and your feelings.

7. He compares you to other girls

Theodore Roosevelt once referred to comparison as the thief of joy, and I agree. When a man continually compares you to other girls or other people's relationships, it means he wants more from you. He is not attracted to you anymore, and what you have to offer, so he wants something else.

Comparison is particularly a red flag if they involve stuff he never used to care about it. For instance, how you choose to wear your hair was never a problem, but now he wants you to style it like how the girls in the magazine do or maybe a neighbor. I will suggest you scrutinize his new desire, and if it is something you don't mind changing, you can go ahead. 

8. He starts a lot of fights

Sometimes, when people try to deflect an issue, they point accusatory fingers at others and pick up fights where there shouldn't be. If you are having a lot of relationship problems with your boyfriend or husband, perhaps, these are signs that he is not attracted to you any longer.

He may not even know that his attraction has faded, and that could be a contributing factor to why he chooses to pick fights with you instead. You may want to sit hi, down and have a candid conversation about your petty arguments. What triggers him, and what does he think you are doing differently now that upsets him? These questions can help you understand areas of your life that he finds unattractive.

9. Less Communication

Take a moment and scroll through your phone. Is your boyfriend's name still at the top of your list, and if yes, what are your conversations like? When two people are attracted to each other, they come with many reasons to stay in touch. From sharing selfies on a Thursday afternoon to random, 'I miss you' messages. 

However, if your chat with your boyfriend looks like a business conversation where you only text when there is something important to say, it means the attraction is lost. Other signs include when he no longer saves your name with endearing terms; instead, he opts for your full name. Well then, that could mean you are sliding into the friend zone. 

10. He agrees with everything you say

I know it can be confusing because one minute, it seems fighting a lot is a bad sign and now not fighting at all is also a bad sign. Well, the thing is, every relationship should have a balance when it comes to disagreement. 

If it seems like your boyfriend or husband never puts up a fight or disagrees with you on anything, it means he doesn't care anymore. He has mentally checked out of the relationship and your life, so whatever opinions or decisions you make do not affect him. In many ways, disagreement is a sign that we want what is best for our relationship, and we do not mind having a little dispute to achieve it. 

11. He doesn't update you about his life

he doesn't update you about his life

A crucial part of emotional intimacy in a relationship is communicating openly with your lover without the fear of being judged or misinterpreted. So when your boyfriend or husband no longer feels the need to tell you about the nitty-gritty of his life, it shows that there is no attraction.

Questions like 'how was your day?' are now met with bogus answers and blanket statements. He does not see the need to share everything with you, probably because his mind is no longer in the relationship. There may be someone out there who he is attracted to that has his attention.

12. He never gets jealous

Many of us associate jealousy with negativity and toxicity, but jealousy isn't always destructive. In the right doses, jealousy is a sexy emotion, and it can also be one of the signs that you are with a partner who loves you. Therefore, just as excessive jealousy is toxic, the non-existent of it is just as creepy.

Now, I'm not saying your boyfriend or husband has to flip out every time someone pays you a compliment. What I mean is, if he doesn't bat an eye whenever someone makes a move at you or probably encourages it, then there's a problem because it means he is not attracted to you anymore. Furthermore, it means he doesn't care about losing you and probably believes you are not worth getting jealous over so trust your gut and act accordingly.

13. Forgets important discussions

Does it seem like your boyfriend or husband has his head in the clouds a lot lately? He keeps forgetting important decisions and arrangements and doesn't bother to note things down. He no longer values the conversations you have and is often distracted even when it looks like he is listening. 

When a man behaves this way, it could mean something else is on his mind, and it isn't you. You know it's bad when he starts to forget your birthday and important family events that you had previously planned together. 

14. He doesn't put effort into the relationship

Relationships require effort, and if anyone understands this better, it is guys who are attracted to their girlfriends. This is why when a guy is not attracted to you anymore, he quits putting effort into your relationship. He doesn't see the need to impress you, so he stops doing the little things that made you fall in love with him in the first place. 

This includes making your coffee, kissing you every time he needs to step out, or sending you flowers to brighten up your day seem like a distant memory in your mind. You are now like a buddy or relative to him, and he no longer views you with wonder and excitement.

15. He no longer commits to date plans

Remember when date plans meant a thing to him, and he didn't mind canceling whatever previous plans he had with his boys? I guess not. You don't remember because it's been forever since he made your time together a priority. 

When a guy is attracted to you, he sees you as a priority and cherishes whatever moment you get to spend together. He does not mind canceling previous arrangements or creating time in his tight schedule for both of you.

16. You are now one of his buddies

Friendship is a vital component of any relationship and marriage, and this is why women believe that the secret to having a happy married life lies in marrying their best friend. However, there has to be a level of interest, intimacy, and attraction between you and your boyfriend that sets them apart from other male friends in your life. 

You can be friends but not to the point where all you do is exchange bants and grocery lists with no extra buzz because that is a strong signal that he has lost interest in you. So, if you feel like you and your boyfriends are buddies or mere roommates, perhaps, it is time to look at all other clues like your sex life and appearance. 

17. A shift in his appearance

Many of us women are quick to assume that guys do not care about their looks, and while there may be some truth to this statement, it's not a fact. Yes, most men do not care much for their looks as we women do, but they will ensure they were the right fit for an occasion or event worthy of their time.

You will find a man who is no longer attracted to his girlfriend slacking in his appearance—especially areas like his choice of date night outs. On the other hand, he might decide to switch up his look to suit something you may or may not like. These are signs that he is not attracted to you, and he doesn't care if you have also lost interest in him.

18. He doesn't want to know you more

Signs that a man is attracted to you include his eagerness to know all about you and your interest. He will want to know how your day has been if you had a nice lunch, the things that make you happy, and every other mundane detail that there is to know. His interest in things about you is so that he can impress you and keep you happy if he knows you more.

Therefore, if you are with a lover who does not care to know more about you and feels like he never seems to ask questions that border around you, then those are signs that he is not attracted to you anymore.

19. He is selfish

he is selfish

When we say we love a person, it encompasses many things that include kind gestures and selflessness. It means that you consider that person's happiness, growth, and fulfillment to be just as important as yours. Therefore, every action you make will be geared towards protecting both interests. 

If your boyfriend has been selfish in decisions and actions lately, they are signs that he no longer finds you attractive and worth sacrificing his interest. Your desires are now in second place to his, and he does not care how that makes you feel.

20. Less fun together

You guys go for long walks, watch tv shows, and discuss books together, yet, it doesn't feel like fun. You are still doing things together, but they are not exciting as they used to be initially, and your lover no longer attempts to come up with fun ideas or experiences. This happens because he no longer associates fun with you. 

On the other hand, if you notice that he prefers to hang out with you when other people are around instead of just the both of you, he does not enjoy your company anymore. He is no longer attracted to whatever personality you possessed that drew his attention to you.

21. No public display of affection

Not everyone is comfortable holding hands, kissing, and hugging their lovers in public. That may be one of your lover’s quirks; however, when a guy who never had a problem with any of these public displays of affection (PDA) suddenly starts to shrug away your hugs and is embarrassed when you kiss him in public, then that's one of the signs.

His inability to show you affection in public is no longer one of his quirks but is one of the signs that he is not attracted to you anymore. Or very likely, he is not proud to be associated with you. He does not want the public to know that you are in a relationship, and don't be surprised if he refers to you as a friend to people.

22. He wants you to change your appearance

As humans, we are visual beings. This means that the first thing that draws us to people and things is what they look like. We like to assess if they are pleasing to the sight before giving them our attention. 

Similarly, when your boyfriend does not feel attracted to you anymore, he will want you to change things about your appearance. I understand if you feel unhappy about his requests to change your appearance; however, you may have gotten too comfortable with your appearance, which can serve as a wake-up call.

23. He is overcompensating

It is possible the reason you are getting this gut feeling regarding your boyfriend not finding you attractive anymore is not an assumption. He probably feels the same way and does not know how to go about reviving the attraction. When people feel like they are unconsciously slipping away in a relationship or marriage, they start to think of ways to hold on tight.

In this case, your boyfriend is probably being extra nice, touchy and might even recommend therapy as a way to rebuild his attraction for you. This means he loves you and wants to maintain your relationship, but he struggles with his inability to see you like the attractive woman who once has his interest and attention.

24. Sex feels like a routine

As two people spend more time together and get comfortable in a relationship or marriage, it is normal for their sex life to slow down. However, when a couple's sex life takes a sudden halt, it's a cause for concern. You see, sex in many ways can bind a couple and improve their overall friendship, so when it seems like your husband has lost interest or it starts to feel like a routine, it means there is no attraction anymore. 

Some warning signs to watch out for here include if your husband chooses to watch porn over having sex with you, if sex feels like a duty, and if he always finds excuses to avoid it altogether. It means he no longer considers you to be sexy.

25. He does not talk about the future

he doesn't talk about the future

One of the joys of being in a relationship is having someone you can plan and talk to about the future. It is expected that you and your boyfriend share similar goals and dreams, including having a lasting union. 

So when your partner stops talking about his future with you or he excludes you from the picture, those are signs that he is no longer attracted to you. It means that he no longer wants to be your future husband.

26. He does not engage you in conversations

Communication is like a circle, meaning that there has to be a speaker, a listener, and feedback. When you are the only one who is always talking, and he does not contribute, it means his mind is not with you. This can be due to many things, including work stress, and you can always tell the difference through his body language.

A tired person will probably not engage you, but he will give you affirmative grunts now and then. However, a guy who is not interested will act dismissive. He will not tell you to stop talking even though that is what he wants. Instead, he will stay and allow you to rant without uttering a word afterward.

27. He rejects your sexual advances

It can be painful to watch your lover recoil from your touch. It's almost like it disgusts him, and he is starting to run out of excuses why you have not had sex in weeks. There are only a few things that can be responsible for actions, and one of them is that he no longer finds you attractive.

You may want to have a conversation with your partner or consider therapy to thrash things out. It could be resentment for something you did that is making him see you in a different light.

FAQs

How do you tell if your partner still finds you attractive?

Attraction is not just something we feel. It is also expressed through actions. Gestures like touching, kissing, and cuddling can signify that your partner is still attracted to you. Additionally, he tries to look good for you and gets jealous when he sees some other guy trying to get your attention.

Why do I not find my boyfriend attractive anymore?

The reason why the levels of attractiveness in a relationship dwindles is because of change. Your partner may change (physically and mentally), circumstances change, and so do your relationship's dynamics. The attraction you feel for your love no longer exists because he is not the person he was when you first met. Perhaps he was younger and unserious, or he was slimmer than he is now. 

Is it normal to sometimes not find your partner attractive?

It is not uncommon for attraction within a long-term relationship to dwindle. There will be times when you feel the fire and desire for your partner, and there will be times when you wish they could give you space. However, because someone does not find you attractive does not mean they no longer love you.

What do you do if you don't find your partner attractive anymore?

If you find that you no longer see your partner as attractive, the first step will be to look inwards. Try to recall how this started and what may have triggered it. The next step will be to tell your partner. When you are telling him, do not make it seem like it is his fault. Make him understand that you have drifted apart as a couple. Perhaps, you can come to a compromise.

How do you tell if your partner is lying about cheating?

Well, there are two things I will tell you if your lover is cheating and having sex behind your back; first, watch their behavior pattern, and second, trust that gut feeling. When a man is cheating, he spends more time away from home, he is protective of his phone, and when you confront him, he will try to avoid eye contact or deflect the question by accusing you of lying.

At The End Of The Day

The unkindness of time is one of the relationship quirks that a couple who have been together tackle. They struggle with the pattern of losing and regaining interest in each other over time, but it is expected that through these waves, love remains the same. 

I hope you enjoyed reading this list and found the signs helpful. If so, this is one reason to please share with your friends, and I look forward to reading from you in the comment section.

Does it feel like pulling teeth getting him to say how he feels about you?
Some men can be very guarded and closed when it comes to expressing how they feel - it can almost feel like they are pulling away from you and leaves you wondering whether he's actually into you.

Find out to see whether he actually likes you by taking this quick free quiz

Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.

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