Things To Say To Your Boyfriend After A Death (65 Things To Say)

Last updated on November 9, 2022 by Michelle Devani

Sometimes, it's easier to drop a message or say a word of condolence to someone if they're your friend. But, when it comes to your boyfriend, things change a bit. That's because he's your lover and you could be the only person he has or wants around him while grieving. 

Consoling your boyfriend after a death could be a bit hard because you don't know how he's feeling. You're not also sure about how he'll react to anything you do to help. He could be happy, aggressive, agitated, numb, or speechless. This is because people react to the loss of a loved one differently

Some guys would prefer to shut it down and never talk about it, while some would want to try different activities to keep their minds off it. A few guys would want to keep talking about it, while others would express different emotions whenever they feel like they're going crazy.

If you find yourself in this situation, I can imagine how hard it is to console your boyfriend, love him, and still be there for him. The good thing is, this could be made easier no matter how hard it may sound. For starters, here are 65 things to say to your boyfriend after a death.

Contents

65 Things To Say To Your Boyfriend After A Death

1. “Do you need a hug?

If you don’t know what to say to your boyfriend in a time of grief, you could ask to give him a hug. Hugs are soothing and they go a long way to console people, especially if you’re a special person to them.

2. “I’m so sorry you lost them.

One of the best things you can say during your boyfriend’s grief is, “I’m sorry for your loss.” no matter how bad the grief could be, any grieving person would feel consoled hearing this. It shows you care about how they feel and you wish it never happened.

3. “Your sad emotion shows how loving and caring you are.“

This is something you should say to any grieving friend to ease the grieving process. If you tell them their emotions show how caring and loving they are, it makes them feel comfortable to express their emotions with you around, and that’s a good thing.

4. “I’m here if you need me.

This is you being the loving girlfriend to help your boyfriend grieve. You could offer condolences, but let them know you’ll be there whenever he needs you. Things like this are what he needs to hear, especially if a close loved one like his mom died. 

5. “Do you mind going for a walk?

There are numerous therapies for someone who is grieving. One of them is going for a walk. If your lover is someone who would prefer to step out for fresh air to get over something, you could suggest this to him. You’d be surprised to see him jump at it.

6. “It’s okay to cry.

it's okay to cry

A good relationship is one where both partners can allow each other to express their emotions. Don’t force your lover to be strong. Instead, give him the free will to cry whenever he wants to. This is one of the best things to say to your boyfriend after a death.

7. “I can’t feel how painful it is, but I’m sorry.

If your boyfriend is/was a single father before his son died, you can say this to him. It’s a way of telling him that you don’t know how it feels to lose an only child, but you feel sad about it. Nobody going through a loss wants to hear you say you know how it feels because you don’t.

8. “It is well.

This is one of the most general things to say to your lover after a death. It doesn't matter if it’s his best friend, family member, or pet. As long as it is a loved one who was very dear to his heart, you could say it.

9. “You look so sad and I feel terrible to see you like this.

Not everyone needs to hear condolences after they’ve lost a loved one, especially if they were a huge part of their life. Some people, like young men, want to hear and know that you see how emotional they are without showing it.

10. “I wish I could make the pain go away.“

You could say this to your lover to make them feel better. Of course, they know you can’t take the pain away, But they know you mean it because of your relationship together. It will ease his pain no matter how bad it is.

11. “It will all be okay in the end.“

This is more of an encouragement to make your boyfriend take the next step in his grief. Whether he lost his dad, pet, loved one, or any family member, it’s okay to assure him of a good life ahead.

12. “Hang in there.

Death is inevitable and it’s completely normal for anyone to grieve after losing a loved one. He would go through a lot and sometimes, wishing death upon himself. This is your way of telling him not to give up no matter how bad it is.

13. “It’s sad this is happening because it’s making you sad too.

You love your boyfriend so much that you don’t like to see him sad, but this is something beyond your control. That is what it would mean when you say this to your lover during his grief. It means you still care so much about him.

14. “They wouldn’t want to see you so helpless.“

It’s true that everyone grieves differently. But, if your lover’s grief is getting out of hand and you don’t know what to do, you could say this to him. It’s a way of saying that if they were alive, they wouldn’t want to see him so sad.

15. “I wish I could prevent this from happening.

Nobody can prevent death from happening, so you could tell your lover this. Let him know you would do anything to fight his sadness, but this is one of the few ones that are beyond your control. Anyone going through grief would love to hear this.

16. “Your strength inspires me.

It’s not easy to stay strong after you’ve lost a family member, friend, or pet. So, if your lover is still strong enough to communicate with you after a death, you should applaud or compliment him for that. 

17. “I remember the memories we had with them.

If his dad, mom, any family member, or friend passed, and you had good memories with them, you could say this. It means that your lover is not alone in his grief, at least his girlfriend has a slight idea of how he feels about their death.

18. “Would you like a snack?

Apart from talking to your lover, there are other ways to offer your heartfelt condolences. One of them is by asking to buy his favorite snack or making him a hot meal. This is what most people know as comfort food. It’s a known therapy.

19. “It’s okay to feel this way.

Sometimes, “sorry for your loss” may not be the perfect thing to say to someone if they lost a loved one. But, you could tell your lover that it's completely okay to feel terrible about a death, whether it’s his family member or not. 

20. “They will be missed greatly.

Whether it is your boyfriend’s or husband’s family member who died, these words are some of the best to say to him during his grief. Let them know that only he would miss them, but you’ll miss their presence, too.

Do you feel like he kind of takes you for granted?
Unfortunately this is one of the most frequent complaints we get from our readers, where they feel they aren't a priority for their boyfriend or husband. They always seem to have some excuse as to why they can't spend some quality time with you like they used to.

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21. “If you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here.

if you need a shoulder to cry on i'm here

If your lover’s mom passed, he was close to her, and he misses her love, this is something you could say to make him feel better. It means you’re not tired of his emotions and would be there whenever he wants to cry. 

22. “Is there anything I can do to help?

Sometimes, you may not know what to say to your boyfriend during his grief. You could ask him to let you know whenever he needs your help. The only thing about this is, you also need to volunteer because he may not feel right to tell you.

23. “Call me anytime you want to vent.

If you’re not around your lover when he loses someone or he needs some time alone, you could tell him to call you whenever he feels okay to. It’s your way of respecting his feelings, but still being there for him.

24. “As weird as it may sound, I feel your pain, too.

This is a delicate phrase and you should only say it if you’ve also lost a loved one previously, whether it’s your family member or friend. It means you know the pain it involves and you hope he recovers from it someday.

25. “It’s never easy, but you can pull through.

People go through tough situations including death. If you fall into that category, you can say this to him. You know he’s a different person from you, but you believe that he can pull through the grief.

26. “Accept my deepest condolences.

Offering your sincere condolences is one of the best things to say to your boyfriend if he lost someone. It doesn’t matter if the person was a family member or a close work colleague, this is a common thing to say.

27. “You should take some time to rest.

It’s emotionally and mentally draining to grief if they recently lost anyone. They need all the time they can have to rest even though they still think while resting. Tell your lover to take time to rest his body so he doesn’t break down.

28. “Time heals all.

“Time heals all” is something you can tell your boyfriend during his grief. It means that it may be painful to lose a loved one, but with time, they’ll learn to accept it and move on. It will give more strength to live a long life.

29. “You're the most courageous person I know in a grieving process.

Words like this show how much you’ve met different people who have lost and grieved their loved ones. The good thing about this particular phrase is, there’s no right or wrong way of saying it, so you’re good to go with any tone.

30. “Heaven has gained an angel because she was one of the best people I knew.

Say this to your boyfriend if his mother passed and he had a lovely relationship with her. It gives him hope knowing that even if he has lost her, she’s appreciated in a better place. It’s a better way of saying “she’s in a better place”

31. “You’re surviving this already.

One way to encourage anybody in a tough situation is to tell them how great they’re doing to survive a situation. Whether you say it calmly or with a bold tone, you’re pushing them to live the next day, positively. It’s a good way to console your lover.

32. “I’m praying for you and your family.

i'm praying for you and your family

If he lost a close family member and the remaining ones are grieving too, you could say this to your boyfriend. It’s your way of saying you care about them all and they’re in your heart while they heal.

33. “Let’s go out for some drinks.

Going out for drinks in this context is not to take booze. It’s not advisable to take alcohol during grief even though some people do it. But, you could go out for nice a fruit juice, a coffee, a milkshake, a smoothie, games, or a movie. 

34. “I could read you a motivational book.

Sometimes, when people are going through a tough time, they may want you to talk to them without having to respond. One way you can do this is to read them a motivational book or any one they prefer. Make sure to confirm.

35. “They will be looking over you as a guardian angel.

A good way to console your boyfriend during grief is to tell him that his loved one is watching over him as an angel. It could make him smile, but comfort him at the same time. It’s something good to say to him after a death.

36. “Do you need some space?

Many people grieve differently and this includes needing space. If his body language shows that he doesn’t want your presence and you feel guilty sticking around him, you could ask to stay away for a while. 

37. “I’ll always be here to hold you.

Your lover wants to know that he’s not alone. He wants you to assure him that you'll be there for him in any way you can. Saying this would go a long way to mend his heart. He needs to hear this.

38. “This will soon pass away.

Going through life’s storms is inevitable, but it all has an end. Tell your lover that everything terrible he’s going through will someday come to pass and he’ll survive it all. It’s one of the things to say to your boyfriend after a death.

39. “No matter what, I love you very much.

Guys love to know that their girlfriends will stay with them through thick and thin, highs and lows, and they’ll do their best to lift them up no matter what happens. Let your boyfriend know how much you love him even with the current grief situation.

40. “I care so much, but I don’t have the right words to say.

Sometimes, you try to find the right words to describe how you feel about a situation, but you can’t. You could just tell him how much you care, but can’t seem to get the words out of your brain. This could end in a hug and peck.

41. “You and I will pull through this together.

In every healthy relationship, there’s always a “we” word involved. Like you enjoy beautiful times together, you should also be there for him during unhappy times. Reassure him that you’ll be there through every step of his grief.

42. “I wish I had the chance to meet them.

If you had never met the person he recently lost, but you always heard about them from him, you could say this to him. Remind him of the nice things he said about them and let him know how bad you feel that you couldn’t meet them before they died.

43. “Express your emotions however and whenever you want.

Sometimes, openly giving your lover the freedom to express his emotions is one of the best things to do when he loses someone close. Tell him that he’s free to cry, vent, shout, laugh, or throw things whenever he wants to.

44. “I’ll do my best to take care of you and your needs.

i'll do my best to take care of you and your needs

You’ll notice how guys let their beards and hair overgrow, or let their whole bodies go without any maintenance when they’re going through a bad time. If this is the case, let him know that you’ll make it your duty to take care of him if you can.

45. “Even if you don’t want to talk, I’ll just sit with you.

Sometimes, silence does the trick. The most interesting thing about this is, it’s healthy, especially when he’s not in the right frame of mind to discuss anything with you or anybody. So, it’s best to be there without a word.

46. “I’m speechless, but I can listen to you.

If you have a lover who prefers to do the talking, you could give him the freedom to talk whenever he feels like it. He should know when you have nothing to say but are all ears to listen to him.

47. “Do you want me to sing for you?

Songs go a long way to calm the heart. You could sing one for him, but first, find out from him if it’s okay for you to sing for him. This is one of the things you should ask your lover when he’s going through grief.

48. “I’m so shocked to hear about this sudden loss.“

If someone who was so close to him suddenly dies, this amongst a few things is something you can say to your lover during his grief. But, you could support it with, “I’m sorry for your loss” to make it sound right.

49. “You can talk to me about them whenever you want.

This means that you’re ready to listen to your lover whenever he wants to say anything about his lost dear one. It will encourage him to have the free will to express himself to you, whether it’s a happy memory or not.

50. “I pray they find peace wherever they are.

Sometimes, some deaths are suicides. If he lost someone who committed suicide, you could tell your lover that you’re praying that the deceased finds peace wherever they are. It’s one of the nice thing to say.

51. “They’re never far away.

It’s good to tell anybody who loses someone dear to death that though they’re dead, they’re never far away from them. This includes your lover and it will go a long way to calm him from the heartaches.

52. “I think you should consider grief therapy.

If you feel that your boyfriend is becoming too sad and may end up falling into depression, you could say this to him. But, it’s very delicate, and you should be careful how you say it to him, so he doesn’t misinterpret it.

53. “A part of them still lives in you.

A part of them means the lovely memories, good times, shared moments, and exchanged gifts still exist. So, they may die, but every other thing lives on. This is one of the things to say to your lover after a death.

54. “I can lend you my heart until yours is mended.

Anyone going through grief would smile upon hearing this. That’s because it has a little sense of humor in it, but still sends the condolence message across. For this reason, it is one of the things to say to your lover after a death.

55. “You’re not crazy, you’re only sad because your friend died.

An expression of emotions is not a sign of weakness or craziness. It shows how much you miss them, whether they’re dead or not. You could say this to your lover to know that he has the right to feel bad or cry after losing a dear one.

56. “I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through right now.

i can't imagine the pain you're going through right now

This is you trying to tell your lover that you know how painful the phase he’s going through is, and you admire him for taking the bold step to face it. It’s one of the things you could say to him after a death.

57. “Let’s go out for the sunrise.

The sunrise is therapeutic. It brings light, love, and hope to anyone with a heavy heart. You can suggest that you both go out to feel its warmth. You’d be surprised at the difference it will make to his day and life as a whole.

58. “I know it’s a hard pill to chew.

The death of someone dear has never been something for anyone to accept even though some people don't know this. Let your lover know you can feel what he's going through even if he doesn't tell you how low he feels. It's a nice thing to say to him during this phase.

59. “It feels like nighttime but everywhere will be bright.

Whenever you lose someone dear to your heart, it feels like everywhere is clouded, and the universe is against you. For this reason, you could tell your lover that life would soon be bright and normal again with time. You should try to say this to calm him after a death.

60. “Do you want me to say a little prayer?

If your lover is spiritual, he may appreciate a little prayer from you to calm him down. So, you could ask him or volunteer to do this or read one from another source for him. This is one of the things you could ask or say to your lover after a death.

61. “I wish you nothing, but peace and comfort as you grieve.

You can't stop anyone, including your lover, from going through grief. All you can do is to pray that they find comfort, peace, and a great amount of healing while they do so. That's one of the nice things to say to your lover when he's trying to heal.

62. “Death doesn't end a relationship. It only ends a life.

Saying this to your lover is another way of telling him that his relationship with the lost person is never lost even though they're no more, physically. You'll encourage them to only miss the memories they had with their dear one and not blame themselves for anything.

63. “Send him a sympathy card.

send him a sympathy card

Sympathy cards are some of the best to send to anybody during grief. Write a lovely thing like, “Something lovely never dies. It transitions into another loveliness, like a flower, stardust, sea foam, or a lovely sunset. It’s something nice to do.

64. “I'll light a candle in their honor.

You could say this if you’re away from your boyfriend when the death happens. After offering your condolences, tell him that you’ll light a candle in their honor. It’s your way of saying that you care and his sadness is your sadness, too.

65. “I'm happy you gave them a life of love and care.

If you want to tell your boyfriend that there’s no point in wishing their loved one resurrect because of the impossibilities, you could rephrase nicely this way. Tell him that even though his loved ones are no more, they had the best memories.

FAQs

What do you say to your boyfriend who is grieving?

You can say things like “We’ll pull through this together” “I’m here if you want to talk or need any help.” These and more are the things to say when your boyfriend is grieving. It shows you’re there for them and would do everything you can to make them feel better.

How do I comfort my boyfriend over the phone?

It depends on his personality when he’s sad. You could sing or read a book to him. If your boyfriend is spiritual, he may want you to say a little prayer. You could also say comforting words or talk about things that don’t relate to his current emotional state to take him out of it.

How do you text condolences?

Tell them you’re sorry to hear about their loss, you’re praying for them, and you wish you were there to comfort them, physically. You should also tell them their loved one was a great person and would be missed dearly. The aim is to let them know that you’re not insensitive, you know they’re sad and need your support. 

How do you love a grieving man?

Situations change people, especially the loss of a loved one. When your man is grieving, give him as much space as he needs to heal. Suggest fun activities for you both to try, so he can be distracted. Be patient with him because he's emotionally unstable. If these don't work, you can get professional help.

How does grief affect a relationship?

It's a known fact that two people in a relationship are different with unique characteristics. When one person is grieving in a relationship, there's going to be a roller coaster of emotions, unconscious selfishness, insecurity, and attachment because the grieving partner is in an unstable state. This could bring disharmony if not managed properly.

In Conclusion

It could be overwhelming and uneasy to know the right words to say to your grieving boyfriend. For this reason, you should refer to any of the 65 things I've mentioned in this article for a guide. Feel free to rephrase them in your own way. I hope this article helped. If it did, please drop a comment, and share it with others.

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Michelle Devani
My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think.

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